Who are you married to? Now think carefully about this one before you answer. If your initial thought was to say something negative like, “I am married to a lazy, good for nothing man!” we need to talk.
I’ve seen couples struggle with being able to see the good in their spouse, especially after experiencing marriage’s ups and downs. I understand it’s difficult to be positive when you just aren’t feeling or understanding your spouse at the moment, but I’m here to help.
There are some truths couples forget to consider when they begin judging, labeling and discounting their spouse.
This is a real grown-up conversation for couples ready to be happy again.
As a relationship coach, I’m always rooting for your marriage to win and this is why this topic means so much to me. This is a real grown-up conversation for couples ready to be happy again.
Here are the 5 ways to see your spouse in a new light.
First, change your mindset.
It’s important to get out of your own head for a second. When you put some energy into thinking solely about your spouse and their needs it shifts your perspective. Maybe your spouse needs attention, or praise, or intimacy. It’s okay that you don’t need those things, you’re two different people. But, it’s important to understand who your spouse is and what matters most to them.
Next, change your circle if it isn’t supporting your relationship.
Change who you talk to and what you say. If you have someone in your life who’s quick to point out the negatives in your marriage and in your spouse, remove them from your core circle. They mean you no earthly good. Oftentimes your friends can influence how you see your spouse (good or bad). So why not associate with people that are going to speak life into your marriage and lift your spouse up.
Follow that up by seeking professional resources.
I say it pretty often, but it bears repeating, there are so many options when your marriage needs that extra guidance. You don’t know what you don’t know and it’s okay to seek help. A relationship coach or counselor is equipped and prepared to help you and your spouse overcome your marriage challenge. In addition, there are books, videos and marriage ministries that will help you
get a different perspective or philosophy on marriage.
Next, walk in your spouse’s shoes.
You know your spouse’s story. Think about how their childhood or even their current job may be impacting their behavior. There are legit reasons why your spouse acts and reacts as they do. It’s important to understand where their actions stem from and why they need what they need. Even if it makes no sense to you, they are who they are. Remember not everyone handles stress and disappointment the same way.
Lastly, change your own actions.
You can make this happen by taking some ownership. Think about what it’s like to be married to you. It helps when you are really honest with yourself. Are you hard to please? Are you giving? Are you selfish? Would you enjoy being married to you? Would you act like it 100% of the time? Is your home a safe space to be vulnerable? Think about the environment you are creating for your spouse. Is it happy and peaceful or filled with drama and stress? Keep in mind any answers you give that you don’t like, you can change. Think about what you’re going to do with what you now know and take action.
Your marriage deserves every ounce of energy and effort you have to invest into it, don’t forget that. A great way to start getting back to your happy place is by stepping from behind your tinted lenses and being able to see your spouse in a new light. Give it a try.
BMWK, in what other ways can you begin seeing your spouse in a new light?