by Nadirah Angail
Sometimes, you can’t contain it. Sometimes, the problem seems so big and the emotional response is so great that you just have to call a friend and let them know about the grand showdown that just occurred between you and your husband.
They don’t always help, these conversations, but we have them because they make us feel good. We like the release we experience when recounting the story, being sure to highlight all our good points and all his bad ones. We like the comfort we get from our friends who reassure us that he is the one with the problem (not us).
We don’t always like, however, the repercussions of these conversations, which have a way of increasing the divide between already-feuding couples. For that reason, we must be cautious.
There is nothing wrong with seeking marital advice or getting another perspective on an issue, but we must never forget our duties to our spouses. Husbands and wives should be garments for each other. We must guard each other’s feelings and reputations in the same way we’d guard our own. That doesn’t change just because we’re upset. Consider the following when discussing your relationship with others.
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BMWK — How do you feel about discussing your marriage with others?
Nadirah Angail is a Kansas City-based writer and marriage and family therapist (MFT). She has published two books and maintains a blog that focuses on relationships and women’s issues. She’s a little bit obsessed with green smoothies, natural hair and Lifetime movies. Connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.
Spouses, just like children or subordinates, should always receive PUBLIC PRAISE and PRIVATE CORRECTION. Foolish spouses do otherwise.
Superwife, right! When we know better, we do better.
Hi wot do you do when everything you do is wrong.(in his eyes)
Temper tantrums,at a drop of a hat, long silences for no reason (i can think of)
Every conversation turns to argument eventually,
I was asked “did i do something wrong by marrying you” (1st words spoken in 3 days) then starts shouting “you are evil wicked person, your heart is black”.
I sensed something was wrong,not sure what,just argumentive tone,so didn’t say anything in the hope whatever was on his mind he would say.
All i know is “i’m wicked with a black heart”
Any advice????????????
Tina,
That’s difficult to answer because there are so many unknowns in the equation. How long have you been married? Has he always behaved this erratically or is this something new? Has something, some type of incident, happened recently?
Just based off the things you’ve reported, sounds like he may be really hurt by something that happened between you too. (Did something happen?) Or he may have some type of personal, internal issues that he is projecting onto you. Sometimes, when people are unhappy with themselves, they act as if their loved one are worthless, but the truth is that THEY feel worthless.
Of course all of this is speculation. I hope you respond. I’d like to know more so that I can hopefully say something that is of more help.
Great article, with great advice. If you tell everything, don’t be surprised when friends and family can’t forgive your spouse as quickly as you do.
Amen, Amen, and Amen again!! I have just dealt with this very issue in my marriage. I have always believed that if you and your spouse have issues, then they are just that, “your issues”. Bringing other people into your marriage only does more harm than good. I have a question though. This article reads as if the one who talks to others is the wife. What if the spouse that is involving others is the husband?
Stacey,
The same advice applies to husband as well. I often write to the female reader, but much of it applies to men too. Thanks for commenting!
Please read… Please
Eish great article….I am in that situation rite now, my husband had an affair and his mistress said she is pregnant. I was so angry n hurt I took my kids went home and told my family everything… It turned out that the mistress is not pregnant she was bitter because my husband broke up with her. My husband has apologised and he want us to fix thing, but now my family is involved they call him all sort of names, they hate him. And I am angry at my self for involving a third person, because I am willing to give him a chance but my family will not forget nor forgive….