You finally put yourself back out there. You mustered up the courage to swipe right on Tinder. And after a few text messages he asks the dreaded question: “So why is a woman like you still single?”
You start typing a response but then freeze. You’ve been single a long time. You think to yourself, “If I tell him why I’m still single after all these years, he might think something’s wrong with me.”
You end up ghosting him because you just didn’t know what to say. Until now.
As a dating coach, I believe asking “why are you still single” is an awkward question to start off a great date. Obviously, both parties need to be single in order to start dating, so there tends to be a question behind the question. Some guys want to make sure you’re not chronically single because you’re emotionally unavailable. Others are trying to figure out if they actually have a shot with you, and they want to know if other guys are sliding up in your DMs. Some just don’t have good conversation skills and they ask because they have nothing better to say on a date.
If you feel defensive or don’t pick up on the real question the guy is asking you, you could say something petty that messes up the energy of the date. I want to coach you with 7 clap backs you can use when a man asks you why you aren’t boo’d up right now. Most clap backs are purposefully petty, but I want to give you back pocket phrases you can use that keep you focused on the possibilities for love and companionship you’re creating for yourself.
Clapback #1: I only want a serious relationship with the right man so I’m enjoying meeting people to see if we’re a good match.
Clapback #2: Because you haven’t proposed yet. Just kidding…I’m waiting for the right man to find me.
Clapback #3: I’m looking for someone to walk through life with me. Most men run when I tell them that, so here I am.
Clapback #4: My last relationship didn’t work out because we both wanted different things. I’ve learned my lessons and I feel ready for the future!
Clapback #5: I was focused on building my career and I just didn’t feel ready for a serious relationship. Now I am.
Clapback #6: My divorce taught me that I needed to put myself first for a season. I did the work. Now I’m looking for someone who’s done his work too.
Clapback #7: It’s hard out in these dating streets! I made a commitment to myself to not settle for the easy route. I want real love. What about you?
It may seem trivial to think through your responses to the “why don’t you have a man already question,” but Dr Robert Maurer, a relationship psychologist, claims the way a person answers that question can predict how healthy your future relationship would be. If someone spends 30 minutes bashing an ex, or putting all the blame for the breakup on the other person, it could be a sign they aren’t ready to move forward into something new.
Don’t get offended when he asks you why you’re still single. Be prepared with a powerful statement that describes what you’ve learned from the past and what you want for your future.
BMWK singles, what do you say when a date asks you, “Why are you single?”