At a recent family gathering during a buffet style dinner. I made my husband a plate. After giving it to him I made my own plate. Once I sat down a “family friend” and I use the word “friend” very loosely, made this comment, “that couldn’t be me.”
I thought very carefully about ignoring this by walking away, but my Leo got the best of me and I asked. “What do you mean by that?” She went on to explain how she could never be the kind of wife that was submissive, and then went off on a mini tirade about how marriage should be equal, etc… Wait. What? You got all that because I made my husband’s plate? Really ma’am?
Now, I didn’t trip on the fact that she isn’t a wife and that she barely knows me. But I did wonder what made her make the comment and out loud. (Why do people do that?) This is where you staying in your own lane comes in handy. Speak about what you know. I could have let her know that I am not required to, but that I love serving him his food. I could have informed her that I also enjoy keeping a clean house for him to come home to. I might have let her know that I get to stay at home with my kids because he goes out and works every day. Or that I am also living my dreams as an entrepreneur because my husband supports me while I do that.
But I thought about it and decided that it didn’t really matter and that she was probably bitter about something else and took it out on me because I happened to be in her presence. Or, maybe she’s just a hater. Who knows. What I do know is that people need to mind their own business. So I came up with this list of why you should stay out of other people’s business.
Please remember these 7 items before you open your mouth and speak on someone else’s situation:
- What people do in their own lives that does not affect you, IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS
- You should be focusing on your own problems, I’m sure you have some
- Think about how you feel when people prejudge you or get into your business.
- If you don’t have something nice to say, at least be quiet.
- No one cares to hear your every thought. (That’s what Twitter is for.)
- Think before you speak (This tip is really handy. It helps you to not make too much a fool of yourself in front of others)
- You should spend that extra energy working out. This increases your endorphins and therefore makes you feel happier. Happy people have no time to be negative or worry about what someone else is doing.
I hope these reasons are enough for you to stop meddling. You can apply this advice where ever you deem necessary. The bottom line is when you openly speak in judgement or negativity it just makes you look pathetic. It also tends to make the people in earshot desire you less. Who knows, your future mate may have been in the room. A true sign of how a person feels about themselves is how they treat and respond to other people. Be careful, your self esteem (or lack there of) is showing!
BMWK – How do you handle people that speak out of turn to you?
the girl says
You are kinder than me. I would have followed up with “is that why you’re single?” and tilted my head right before I took a big ole bite of candied yams.
Doreen Watson says
Any good marriage goes both ways, maybe your husband worked all day or served you the night before, she has no idea and quite frankly I’m sure it was only your proper upbringing that kept you from really cussing her out, good choice, I have been married to my husband for 28 years , and no I don’t wait on him hand and foot all the time, it is NOT required of me, but we BOTH enjoy waiting on each other from time to time, so like you did, keep ignoring ignorant people with no home training and enjoy the wonderfulness that is your marriage!
The SistahChick (@TheSistahChick) says
Thats great advice Doreen thank you!
Amen on this article! The first thing that came to my mind is “she is single.” Probably not PC, but I’m just being truthful. Secondly, service is a type of love we show to another and who better to bestow that on than the one who has pledged themselves to you for a lifetime? After almost 19 years of marriage, YEP I cook my hubby food, sometimes bring him a plate, especially if he is tired or in deep conversation. Sometimes I even bring it back to his bedside if he is REALLY tired. And guess what? He has done that COUNTLESS times for me as well. And I love and appreciate him for it. Keep doing you sis and tend to your garden! Sounds like everything is coming up roses at your place!
The SistahChick (@TheSistahChick) says
lol thanks for reading!
The SistahChick (@TheSistahChick) says
Thank you so much for reading the post Allison!
That is probably why she is single. She did not deserve an answer.
Amy Albers says
Love this! Yes, marriage should be equal – as in, “You meet my needs and I will meet your needs”. The whole point of marriage is serving one another, not doing your own thing while living in the same house.
submission gets a bum rap.I would love to serve my husband, thats what its about..if he never lifted a finger (I might be tired lol) but id still do it, thats what love is all about. she couldnt do it and shes not.
I’m single and I think its perfectly fine to fix your husbands plate. My mother did it for my father and vice versa and my sisters do it for their husbands. Not all single women are like the woman in the article. It’s not ‘us’ against ‘them’ please stop waving your wedding ring around like it some kind of prize.
A lot of women receive their validation from having a man. Just go with it. Despite how pathetic it sounds.
I fix my husband’s plate and I’m happy to do it – not because I have to, but because I want to. He works very hard to provide for our family asking very little for himself so he deserves it. There are also times I get breakfast in bed but we don’t keep score.
I Can guarantee you with that attitude she probably will never be a wife, and ppl like that you most definitely have to stay away from.
I fixed my husband plate of course. But in the Southern Family I am from, it was standard practice to honor all Male members by indulging them in the gift of housewarming. Manners!
Her 1st issue is that she was in YOUR BUSINESS, 2ND she ISN’T married. She can’t begin to understand the joys of being a WIFE. I also fix my husbands’ plate. I wholeheartedly ENJOY doing whatever I can to make him happy. He’s my Mr.Everything!!! We’ve been together over 20 years & my most memorable moments in life includes him. There are too many men being excused for NOT taking care of the families the create. I consider myself blessed to have my husband, & I treat him like the King he is. Many women will NEVER get married because they arr too selfish, self serving, & self centered. The bible teaches that “je who finds a wife, finds a good thing” We wives are our husbands “Good thing, & are far more precious than valuable stones” Diamonds always outshine common rocks. Proceed with wisdom & love.
Her 1st issue is that she was in YOUR BUSINESS, 2ND she ISN’T married. She can’t begin to understand the joys of being a WIFE. I also fix my husbands’ plate. I wholeheartedly ENJOY doing whatever I can to make him happy. He’s my Mr.Everything!!! We’ve been together over 20 years & my most memorable moments in life includes him. There are too many men being excused for NOT taking care of the families they create. I consider myself blessed to have my husband, & I treat him like the King he is. Many women will NEVER get married because they are too selfish, self serving, & self centered. The bible teaches that “he who finds a wife, finds a good thing” We wives are our husbands “Good thing, & are far more precious than valuable stones” Diamonds always outshine common rocks. Proceed with wisdom & love.
Mrs. Kelly says
I appreciated reading this so much I made sure to share those (7) tips on my Facebook page to make sure its shared or read by the small circle of people I have on my list. I am a true believer in minding my business and making sure people stay out of mine. I don’t mind giving advice when someone asks for it, or when I actually “know” and “care” for you but… she was completely out of line with her stank opinion! There are females like that, notice I didn’t say “women”… out here that think like her, that are married and they treat their men like trash. I honor my husband and I will support him in any and all ways that I can because he cares for me both financially & emotionally and has been since we met. If more “misery loves company” ass females would take a few minutes to listen to a happily married woman, or read up on successful married couples stories, then maybe we will have less females like her around, putting their foots in their mouths. It would have taken The Creator himself to hold me from either cussing her out or snatching her and correcting her ignorance at the same time. You handled it like a true Queen though.
This is so true. My husband And I are going to be celebrating 4 years in September. We have had a rough year but with the help of some marriage counseling for us it’s been very helpful because we don’t have to tell all to everyone it just doesn’t work that way in a marriage. We r able to come together more And more. This gives me some really good ideas about how to tell people mind their own business. My husband has some friends who love to know about everything even our personal sex life. A few weeks ago a friend of his asked us when r we going to have kids. I suggested to my husband to say that’s between my wife And I please mind ur own business. This is a great article And it should most definitely be shared with anyone who can’t keep their nose out of personal marriage business.