Married people can pretty much identify with the joys and pains of other married folks. Because of that we are better equipped to offer needed support, motivate other couples by sharing our own experiences or act as a listening ear. Couples can easily provide that for one another as we recognize the value and significance of the unions we’re creating. It’s quite clear that those of us in such a committed partnership need other positive married couples. What may not be as clear is that the institution of marriage also needs support from singles. Although we may not say it as often as we should, our marriages would be even more blessed if we had the backing of all.
Below are the 7 types of external support we need from others:
1. We need people, single and married, to respect marriage. This one is simple, if you are actively pursuing a married man or woman you are definitely part of the problem and ultimately destroying a family. Please consider all the people who may get hurt as a result of your actions. Now, if a married person is pursuing you, firmly turn him/her down. You deserve to experience a healthy relationship and shouldn’t settle for being with a person who is committed to someone else.
2. Encouragement when we struggle is another great way to support a couple. Don’t join in on bashing the other spouse when times are tough, but help that individual to be mindful of the blessings in his/her marriage.
3. We would also benefit from hearing others speak positively about marriage. Not all are perfect, but not all are horrible either. Let’s stop the hate on marriage.
4. Acknowledge the positive effects it has on our communities. Positive effects include a stable environment for children, reduced out-of-wedlock childbearing and longer life spans for spouses are just a few.
5. We also ask that others not feel threatened when we frequently promote or highlight marriage. The purpose isn’t to rub it in or offend the unmarried, but simply to encourage those who are married.
6. Discuss marriage with children. Children should be taught God’s plan for marriage. We should point out and allow them to witness healthy relationships.
7. Pray for our marriages. Black marriages seem to be under attack right now, and the future of our families is at stake. We need everyone to keep our unions lifted up in prayer.
Marriage can be amazing and wonderful as well as sometimes challenging and tough. But if our communities stood together and loved on marriage making it a cause worth fighting for, we’d see fewer broken homes and families. That will result in happier and healthier children. Those happier children turn into successful adults who then repeat this positive cycle. Can you imagine if we all truly embraced this concept?
BMWK, what would you add to this list? What others types of external support do our marriages need?
GREAT post Tiya!! I agree wholeheartedly with all of your points. I love how you started off with “respect marriage”…that sets the tone for all else. I would add “ask questions about marriage/seek to understand”…sometimes what we don’t understand we mock or hate on. A better understanding may remove some of that.
Thanks Jackie!
I agree wholly! 🙂 Often, so very often, I’m the lone voice in my e-circles supporting holy matrimony. In real life, it’s easy being supportive of marriage because of my friends and family, but online it’s a virtual wasteland given today’s social & political climate. Great writing, Tiya!
Thanks Mochazina! I so agree.
Stay faithful in the Lord and stay prayed up…..that’s the only thing I would add. I agree with everything you pointed out and I try to be a support to all young marrriages out here. It’s very difficult feeling each other out in the beginning, but it can be done with love and persistence. My Husband and I have been married for 25 years and every year I love him more, we have been through so many life changing events with one another, I just can’t imagine being without him. Life is hard and you need that special someone to lean on when your “ROCKS” have been called home, you have to be there for each other in those hardest of times in your lives. You will lean on your spouse and you lean on God mostly.
You won’t see all of this until you are seasoned in marriage. I just want say to you all, stay vigilant and faithful in the Lord and the rest will take care of itself. I’m by no means a perfect person, but I do believe in the Bible and what God tells us we need to do. With that being said, Thank you so much for all of your writings and advice, it is helpful to ME more than you know. God Bless.
Beth,
Thank you so much for your wonderful words of wisdom! Congrats on 25 years.
So beautiful and refreshing! I have quite a few single friends and you just made me realize that I should not feel guilty celebrating the successes of my marriage and my spouse. Great article!
Thanks Sheree,
Oh I used to feel guilty all the time when I talked about marriage. But as long as my intent is not to brag and I’m just sharing as my friends share about how fun single life is, we should be all good.
As a single woman about to transition into marriage in approximately 22 days, I commend you and thank you for this post! Young couples need support and you would not believe the statements we hear. “don’t get married” from married people……”they change when you marry them” from divorced people! I’m convinced that the positive is taboo! I am convinced that the world needs to see Godly marriages! Thanks again!
Jasmine,
How exciting and congratulations! I wish you all the best. I agree the positive does seem taboo, unfortunately. We have to keep one another uplifted and surround our relationship with those who are positive.
Thanks for that “ooh soo needed” advice and input that was in this article. Somethings mentioned touched me because of what I see going on today and it saddens me too say that in the small circle of friends and married couples the we enteract with…My hubbie and I along with just one more couple are “The Last Ones Standing”. Sad but true.. Thanks again !!! My Step Daughter just got married and I will directing her and her new hubbie to your website. I know she will love it. One last thing please.. I have a very personal question for you .. would to please send an email address to me ?? I Love You Guys 🙂
Darlene, thank you! I wish you, the other couple and your step daughter much live and joy! Keep encouraging those around you. Did you want the email address to submit an article or my personal email?
This article is so refreshing. I especially love the part about respecting marriage. So many people have little regard for marriage it makes me sad. I have been married a long time to a wonderful man and I pray that our marriage stands and stays strong until death.
Than you Rhonda! I pray that same prayer as well.
Great list! Here’s one more. When thing are going well continue to work on it. When things aren’t going well, continue to work on it. In other words, work on the marriage at all times. Classes, books, dates, retreats, etc. speaking of retreats, here’s a great one coming up in Atlanta this September: http://www.heartofmarriageretreat.com We’d love to have you join us!
Well said and a great addition to the list!
This is a wonderful article. My husband had an X who send him messages every now and then and let him know she is thinking of him. I think that is beyond disrespectful. I will say marriages are really under attack badly. Lets pray for them including mine.
we subcribe to http://www.marriagetoday.com jimmy and karen evans use biblical principles to teach about marriage and a joy to watch. They don’t try and use condemnation to get their point across. We’ve been to one of there conferences and plan on going in february to the life long love affair event. They also send out dvds and have a weekly show that airs pretty much everyday on the chuch type channels.