by Nicole Taylor
So you want to get married? Are you completely sure about that? Have you prepared yourself for what marriage entails?
If you have a subscription to a bridal magazine, know which ring you want and have already appointed your best friend the duty of being your maid of honor, check out these seven points on marriage. If you’ve got your best man picked out or you’re thinking of where you’ll take your bride to be for a honeymoon, read this post first. If when you reach the last point you’re still ready, I’ll bid you my blessings and await my invitation in the mail.
Here’s what you should know”...
Marriage Doesn’t Create Happiness: You must be happy on your own before you can expect your mate to bring added joy. Looking for a mate to fill a void and heal past wounds is an unrealistic expectation.
Marriage Doesn’t Complete You: You must be whole within yourself to ever feel complete. Your spouse will compliment you as an individual but they will NEVER make you whole.
The Honeymoon Phase Isn’t 12 Months: The first year of marriage can be difficult because it’s basically spent unlearning those things you’ve been doing as a single person and now learning how operate as a team. I call this the “desensitizing stage.”
The Beauty Takes Work: And a lot of it! But nothing worth having comes easy. Marriage don’t last and remain filled with love simply because you said “I Do”. It requires a work ethic and dedication that’s devoted to growing deeper in love each day.
It’s More Than An Image: Many people get married for the “look” or the bragging rights to claim a “husband/wife,” but marriage is more than a title. It’s a lifestyle that requires you to live by vows.
Falling In Love Is The Easy Part: It’s the growing and staying in love that requires the dedication. Knowing the difference between pure infatuation and authentic love will help because no matter what you go through, if the love is real, you’ll always be able to hold on and continue moving forward.
Marriage Isn’t 50/50: There will be times when you will feel as though you’re doing “more” than your spouse; working on the marriage more, cooking more, cleaning more, caring more, loving more. If you expect every chore, penny, argument, apology, decision, task, etc. to be split down the middle, you’ll soon realize that your expectations are not marriage specific.
Yes, marriage is a major step in life that requires a lot from you, but the benefits of this union are remarkable! I believe that finding your soul’s mate and spending eternity together is one of the greatest blessings life can give us, but correctly preparing yourself for his arrival is vital to its longevity.
What do you think? Are you truly ready for marriage? Had you considered these things? If you’re married, what else should single people know before an engagement?
Nicole is the creator of Afrochcimommy.com, a community that empowers, inspires and motivates the modern woman. Once a working single parent in college and now an entrepreneurial mommywife, she understands the mandatory need for encouragement along life’s journey.
Lisa Michelle says
Nice. Sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. These articles, I’m sure, are helping so many people with unasked AND unanswered questions. Thanks Ms. Taylor and thanks, Essence, AGAIN!
Moorejonetta says
Everyone should read this article before they get married. Im a newly wedd and Im still learning new things everyday! Premarital counseling is strongly recommended!! One thing that I suggest is once your married STOP TELLING PEOPLE YOUR BUSINESS!! You should keep your marital business to yourself, your spouse, and GOD!
Dominique Cromartie says
Amen Moorejonetta!
Kenny says
Well said…Moorejonetta
Tip says
I agree that you have to keep some things to yourself, however, it’s important to have someone to confide in. I’m divorced and I think part of the problem is that I bore all our issues alone. I felt I shouldn’t talk to anyone because that was the advice I had been given by many but it was very difficult to keep it all built up inside. Counseling only seemed to help for a little while – maybe it just wasn’t the right type of counseling. You definitely need someone who is wise and trustworthy that you can go to and get things off your chest and who may be able to help you work through whatever it is.
Jane says
This is the truth – that first year – you had better be in love because you may not make it with all the adjusting that is required.
Sonya_Iam says
I think I’m ready. So ready, I am not looking for a fairytale and I will fully honor my marriage. I hear the first five years are the hardest and I’m so ready for it. Now kids, that’s a whole new topic.
laketarenal says
Theres so much truth here it’s scary! Too many of us fall in love with the idea of being married and don’t take the time to understand the work and commmitment being married takes. When two people stand before God and take vows to love and cherish each other for better or worse that means until death do you part. Not until you make me mad, or not when you don’t do what I want you to do, (or whatever excuse people use). You can’t just leave when the trials come. Loving someone means you’re there thru it all (i’m not talking about a pattern of physical, emotional, and mental abuse, or serial infidelity). I’m talking about I may not like you right now, but I love you and you’re mine and I’m yours. Love is also more than what’s on the outside. How many of us have learned the hard way that someone can look super fine, but you get to know them and find out they have crazy habits, don’t keep a clean house, half take care of their children, don’t pay their bills, etc. And being in a marriage doesn’t require you giving your 50 percent. It involves two people both giving 100 percent, compromising and giving and putting each other first. All of these things will not create a perfect marriage because there isn’t one, but it will make one worth holding onto.
Kenny says
well said… Laketarenal
Shadeema says
I’m not sure if I’m truly ready! The articles from this site & other’s def help me out though.
Kenya says
I am currently in a relationship and LOVE IT! The best part is that my partner and I are very conscious of the marriage and not the wedding. We talk about all things from crass to the cross. It makes it easy to be transparent. Remember, if this is someone you are looking combine your life with you have to be truthful and honest (those are two different things). I also think you need to be able to address things as they arise. It makes not going to bed angry easy. Another thing that he is I are doing is pre-engagement counseling. Pre-marital is a must; but pre-engagement allows you to be sure that you are both truly on the same page about moving towards marriage. Here is a website that we both endorse: https://preengaged.com/
Candace says
I have been married for 4 years to an awesome man who is my best friend and soul mate BUT this road has been a LOT of hard work. Each year has brought its own challenges and its own blessings. It’s never ending dedication and wok, but that’s what the vows say… for better or for worse. There will always be good days and there will always be bad days. Are you willing to keep loving, keep laughing, keep working through the bad days so that you can keep enjoying the good days? Are you selfless enough for team work?
Very insightful article and good points for all those considering marriage to ponder.