On a recent airing of the D.L. Hughley radio show, the top reasons women cheat were revealed. The list was entertaining and yet informative. Although the reasons were specific for women, I do believe they could go either way. Infidelity has damaged far too many marriages, it’s time we got real when discussing why it occurs. Yes, it’s true, a person who is prone to cheating will do so no matter what. It won’t matter what the other partner is or isn’t doing. A chronic adulterer could be married to the most giving, supportive, nurturing spouse in the world, but if cheating is an option for them, they will cheat. However, I don’t buy into the hype. I know not every marriage is plagued by infidelity. There are couples who are truly committed to one another. They don’t put themselves in certain situations and they do what’s necessary to keep their relationship strong. Certain precautions must be taken to keep us focused on our marriage and our spouse.
Here’s the list presented by the D.L. Hughley radio show on why women cheat:
- Revenge for a cheating partner/payback for the wrong
- Emotional withdrawal
- Bedroom boredom
- Exit strategy
- Not enough sex
- Being the bad girl
- Self esteem booster
- Lack of intimacy
- Feeling neglected or ignored
No matter what this list shows, there isn’t ever any appropriate justification for being unfaithful. These reasons do, however, give us a better understanding of how a person ends up in the arms of another. The personalities on the show had fun with this list, but there’s a lot of truth in each one of these reasons. I would also add a few of my own. Both women and men cheat because they allowed it to be an option.
For those who are familiar with addictions, they know being in a bar or around people who feed into their habits can no longer be an option when they decide to get clean. Once we decide to be faithful and committed to our spouse, we have to be careful to not put ourselves in situations that will compromise our faithfulness. Another reason is that the cheating partner did not put God first. If they had, they would do everything within their power to remain obedient. The last reason on my list is that partners who cheat are selfish and take their spouse for granted. If this were not the case, we would see more couples going that extra mile to protect their marriages; seeing relationship professionals, praying together,and communicating their needs.
Our marriage, just like in our life, will be what we make it. Cheating should never be the solution or an option in our marriages.
BMWK, how are you protecting your marriage from infidelity?
Tefo says
Mhhhh sad, I remember the woman I thought I will marry, after I found out that she was cheating on me, and to the extend that she slept with that man.This was her respond about her cheating “this wasn’t an engagement nor marriage”.Few months later she called it a quit, saying she had too much pressure and I’m not being supportive. This is what I said to her “Go in peace,and I wish you the best in life.Unfortunately there was too much pride as well and I couldn’t take it anymore although I tolerated it at first.
ANN says
What about your husband cheating with his our sister yes what too do? iam so hurt he think i dont know it but i do for a long time.HELP
Anonymous says
What !!
Joe blow says
What
Cherie says
The option to cheat?! I understand her logic, though I think there is a different reason all together. It’s easy to stay, to dig and tough it out, we think of monogamy add the ultimate sacrifice, the love of one person, the ultimate giver and yet everyone has a view if the cheater as if they didn’t try. I know husbands that wouldn’t let their wife leave, I know women who after their husband said we can’t work this out…. would allow then to leave. I know a lot of title people. People who don’t care if their partner is unhappy with their relationship, don’t want to work it out, and won’t let them go. It’s been devised for them dead relationships are not easy to let go of, and it leaves room…. if your committed, yet you know something is lacking…. and to address it and still nothing changes…. some doing want to let go and won’t. So before we pass judgement.
Anonymous says
I agree
Jay Norman says
In light of this list, what exactly should I as a husband do to protect my marriage? Even, and especially, if #1 doesn’t apply? Women, and men, who cheat are gutless cowards, plain and simple.
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Darrell says
Married women, and women in general, will cheat for basically the same reasons married men and men do…they have time and opportunity. The worse and the first place your woman starts cheating is either “out with the girls”, or drinks with co-workers.
Keep in mind that cheating is more than sex…cheating is doing ANYTHING with the opposite sex that you know you wouldn’t do if your mate was present, including giving out your number…too much attention on facebook/instagram. More often than not, this is what leads to somebody else having sex with your mate….
Trust me on this one….
Andrew says
It is not the husbands job to protect his marriage to keep his wife from cheating. It is her job to keep herself from cheating. She cheats only because she is the scum of the earth and not because of some emotional B.S. her husband is not giving her. Women need to take responsibility for being an unfaithful wife instead of putting the blame on her husband.
hafsat ibrahim shabi says
Let me respond to the case of Andrew, Andrew u’re wrong about that saying woman should take responsible of there action, while God has already ordain it that there are the head, but while the head is not there to take care of his family as he suppose to and inventurely the woman seek confort else where, who is the cause. But please do not get me wrong and think am insupport of this action of infidelity no but on pointing out that some men are so inresponsible that they believe in extramerital affair.
Jo says
Cheating is the result of separation from God.one who cheats looks outside of oneself for validation.it comes from not being secure in who they are and thinking something or someone outside of themselves can make them whole or happy.
When all along the solution to whatever your problem is can be found in the relationship with the one who first created you.
Anonymous says
Instead of people downing the cheater, people need to question what happened in the marriage that caused the cheater to cheat In the first place. I have a friend who has been married for 3 years and they’ve been together for 4 years. The husband changed after they got married. She shared with him on many occasions that she desired more from their marriage. There was no communication, he would reach his climax fast but then wouldn’t finish sexually pleasing her which left her crying herself to sleep at night feeling like she wasn’t enough, he stopped wanting to spend time with her and was over religious, he put his mother before her, his mother would do and say hurtful things to her and when she told him what took place, he did NOTHING about it when he should’ve protected her and so on and so on. He quitt one good paying job And got fired for another good one right afterwards. He wouldnt get a job so they got evicted with their 2 young daughters ages 2 and 9 months. They are still going from place to place. Yet time and time again she shared how hurt she is and she need his love, protection, intimacy, attention, support etc. Her cries for help were unanswered time and time again. All he would say literally every time was “love God and love me” in which she did! She asked if they could go to marriage counseling, he refused time and time again. It was his way or no way at all. She was hurting and vulnerable. Then comes along an old friend (not boyfriend/never been involved sexually, but had a crush) and he makes a move on her and kisses her. She didn’t expect it because they were around friends who knew she was married and didn’t expect him to make a move like that in front of others. Her initial reaction was omg no, but it made her feel wanted again. He started wooing her by doing the very things her spouse wasn’t doing, asking how her day was, telling her she was beautiful, giving time and communicating with her, showing interest in her kids. And in her being hurt and vulnerable, she listened to his sweet little nothings and gave in. Now I’m not saying she was right. No, she was wrong! But people don’t just wake up and say ima cheat on my spouse today! She was driven away by her own husband. Once again I do not condone it but this saying is so true for men and women, “if you treat her like she’s worthless, someone will come along and show her she’s priceless” so be careful before you judge.
Andrew Baker says
A man is not responsible for the woman cheating. You have to be delusional to think a man is responsible for the woman’s actions. Yes, the man is the head but don’t control or force her to do the right thing or be a good wife. It amazes me how most women always justify another woman’s cheating by blaming the man but blames the man and not the woman when a man cheats on a woman. The woman cheats because she is a coward, morals are screwed up, and want to take the easy way out vs. facing the problem head on with their mate. She have no respect for herself, her vow before God, nor her mate.
jarva says
I don’t think men are to blame for women cheating. I do think the courage to be completely honest with herself and her mate leads to cheating. Issues in a relationship can arise from different places including deal breaker expectations held prior to marriage that were minimized or never vocalized nor indicated (or even known to oneself) during courtship and finally, a true lack of the process of unconditional love.