The quote from the title was boldly stated by a dear friend during a recent conversation on dating and marriage. I’m sure it came as a result of frustrations over the whole dating scene. While this friend shared that truth from her perspective, another shared that she will always feel like a man will cheat on her, even a potential future husband. Her comment was of course a reflection of her past relationships. She felt she did everything right, but it didn’t prevent her guy from cheating.  She admitted to being jaded about long-term love and whether or not there were men who could fully commit.

This conversation was honest and raw, and it caused me to take a step back and really think about the state of most relationships today. It left me with quite a few questions. For example, it made me wonder are there still faithful men out there. And do all men really cheat? Is it really in a man’s nature to cheat? Do most women cheat for revenge? Why do people cheat overall?

I’ve learned the answers to many of those questions while coaching couples. Here’s what I’ve observed over the years on why men and women cheat:

Some Men Cheat Because:

• He has an appetite for multiple women
• He thinks he can get away with it
• He takes his partner for granted. Most men don’t often count the cost of a night of pleasure with someone other than his spouse.
• He has self-esteem issues and seeks and enjoys the attention of other women
• His needs aren’t being met
• He is no longer attracted to his wife
• He doesn’t feel like the man in his home
• His wife is withholding sex or being very stingy with it
• He feels like “why not;” he may not see it as a violation of his commitment
• He actually can get away with it. When the woman in his life continues to accept this behavior and there are no consequence, the cheating will continue.

Some Women Cheat Because:

• She isn’t satisfied
• Her needs aren’t being met—and not just in the bedroom. She’s more likely to be drawn to the attention of someone other than her spouse when her partner isn’t meeting her needs.
• Her husband doesn’t pay her any attention
• She’s bored in her marriage
• She married for the wrong reasons and doesn’t feel an attraction to her spouse
• Her husband has cheated on her
• She has self-esteem issues and needs attention from multiple men
• She’s unhappy and is no longer interested in her marriage
• She thinks the harmless flirting is innocent, and it never is
• She’s been naive when it comes to knowing the intentions of other men

The reality is, not all men are dogs nor do they all cheat. There are still some faithful brothers out there who value commitment. Not all women cheat for revenge. There are various reasons that some spouses end up in the arms of another. For the sake of our own marriages, we must be aware. If we ever get to the point where cheating becomes part of the solution, we must reevaluate our relationship and see if it is still what we want. Protecting your marriage from infidelity should be a top priority for all couples.

BMWK, what do you think about the quote above?