by Shenia Coleman Kirkland (www.1peachymama.com)
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October is Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Awareness Month. This holds a special place in my heart because I am one of the 1 in 4 women who have experienced such a loss. On April 13, 2004, our first daughter was born. And, she passed away six and a half weeks later.
The loss of a child is the most gut-wrenching and traumatic experiences that one can endure. And, after the devastating loss of our daughter, our road to parenthood was filled with anxiety, depression, and tremendous fear. I can laugh with family and friends now when I look back at how OCD I was during my two subsequent pregnancies”.... And, I thank God that I have such wonderful friends who held my hand and prayed with me during that time. *smile*
We were later blessed with two beautiful and dynamic daughters, with whom we share our lives and our love. I often say that we have been immensely blessed with an angel in heaven and two princesses on earth. To anyone who is considering trying again after a loss, this poem will resonate with you. I can truly empathize with your tears and your fears.
With that said, I dedicate this to my two princesses:
A Different Child (Written by Pandora Diane Waldron)
A different child,?
People notice?
There’s a special glow around you.
You grow?
Surrounded by love,?
Never doubting you are wanted;?
Only look at the pride and joy?
In your mother and father’s eyes.??
And if sometimes?
Between the smiles?
There’s a trace of tears,?
One day?
You’ll understand.
You’ll understand?
There was once another child
?A different child?
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
?That child will never keep them up at night?
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,?
When mother and father miss so much?
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
?And may you learn the lesson forever?
How infinitely precious?
How infinitely fragile?
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman?
You may see another mother’s tears
?Another father’s silent grief?
Then you, and you alone?
Will understand?
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost
You will tell them?
With great compassion,?
“I know how you feel.
?I’m only here?
Because my mother tried again.”
Author’s Dedication:
For Madoka Marietta Rosalie, from your mother, ?Pandora Diane Waldron*“””””“March 4, 1999. (*Since the poem was written, the author has returned to using her maiden name and now writes as Pandora Diane MacMillan.)
Remembering, with love, and not with sadness,? our Special Angel, Rhiannon Roxane,? who left this world 2 years ago today.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: The above poem, “A Different Child” has been officially published as the epilogue to Ann Douglas’ newest book, out in October 2000, entitled, “TRYING AGAIN: A GUIDE TO PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE, STILLBIRTH, AND INFANT LOSS.”
Until next time”.....
All the best, y’all!
Shenia Coleman Kirkland
CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ENTIRE SERIES
Shenia Coleman Kirkland is an attorney, law professor, novelist, screenplay writer and motivational speaker. She chronicles her journey from a driven corporate attorney (and feminist) to wife and work-at-home mother on www.1peachymama.com, in which she discusses the tenuous balance between motherhood, marriage and maintaining a sense of self. She would love for you to follow her on Twitter @1peachymama.
ShootieGirl says
Shenia – Although I know your personal story, it still breaks my heart to hear it again. Only God knows why you had to endure all of this, but look at the 2 beautiful little gifts despite the tragedy. Hugs and Love, Always! ~ LaShaun
Portia says
i feel your pain. on January 24,2002 while at my prenatal visit i was told that my baby did not have a heart beat. at 20 weeks i was devastated my world was turned up side down. 6months later i found puut i was pregnant again,the whole pregnancy i was worried,depressed and scared. but now i have a Happy, Healthy 8 yr old son Jonah. R.I.P Tevin Lee mommy Loves you! God Bless you, your babies are Beautiful..
Csamp2002 says
Thank you so much for this series and sharing your story. My husband and I too lost our first born child, a son, after a 2 and 1/2 month stay in the hospital. You look back on those days and wonder how you ever made it through it all but with love, encouragement and prayer we too moved forward to try again and now have a beautiful 4 yr old daughter who we cherish. The final poem you shared resonates so well and I will save it and cherish it always. And when my daughter is older, I will indeed share it with her. There’s also a song by Twila Paris that helped us in so many ways and was sung at our son’s funeral service. Thought I’d share the lyrics here….
Visitor From Heaven – song by Twila Paris
Visitor from heaven,
If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile.
A visitor.. from heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place.
With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we’re so glad you came
A visitor from heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And Now its time to say
We trust you to the Father’s love
And to his tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we’re so glad you’re there
We’re so glad you’re there.