By Cassandra Paul
This year my husband and I will be celebrating 19 years of marriage. Four daughters and a lifetime full of challenges later and we are more “in love” today than when we first said I do. In fact, I’m realizing back then, we were in love with the “idea” of love. Since then our union has been tested, tried, rocked and rolled. And now we both understand that love is not only a noun but an action verb. And to love someone effectively through it all is a constant choice.
Committed to Discipline
In any situation, commitment will always require discipline. Commitment in marriage is no different. There is always someone that looks better, earns more money, is smarter, more talented and skilled than you are. Attraction and Temptation for someone other than your spouse is inevitable. Does that mean we keep leaving the one to try others? Absolutely not! It takes discipline to be able to walk in other scenarios; RUN away from people you feel a sexual connection to. It is why I resolve to continue saving myself for marriage.
I enjoy that my husband has his own private retreat between my legs.
I wish I could say the longer you are married the easier discipline is. It’s actually quite the opposite. We as individuals in a marriage are constantly growing and evolving. Oftentimes at different rates and speeds. It would be easy to open your life, heart and body parts with others that seem to have more in common with you at the time. “Secret lovers”, “Keeping it on the down low” and being “Down with OPP” aren’t new concepts and lifestyles. It takes discipline to save yourself for YOUR spouse in YOUR OWN marriage.
His Pleasure is My Delight
I enjoy that my husband has his own private retreat between my legs. He has his own personal playground to have fun, explore and discover without the concerns of someone else playing there as well. I take pleasure in knowing that while there are always opportunities available for me to share his fantasy island; I choose to save myself exclusively for him. His pleasure, his enjoyment and his delight are mine as well.
When your husband knows that you as his wife continue to save yourself time and time again, only for him, not only does he continue to trust you, he begins to reveal the most intimate, vulnerable sides of who he was, currently is and is becoming. He knows other men are attracted to you. But every time you save yourself for him, it reassures him, strengthens him, and strokes his ego. And he in turn, with all of that power and wonder……he strokes yours! Enjoy!!
BMWK, wives are you saving yourself for your husband?
Cassandra Paul is the wife of one man for 19 years and mother of 4 beautiful daughters. She currently works as a Project Specialist for an Alternative Youth Program and has taught for over 10 years grades K-12. She is the Creator of Two Social Clubs S.A.S.S.Y Circle (women’s group 18+) and Lighthouse Love where she seeks to encourage Marriage Couples to stand up, be visible in the community as they learn how to grow closer together. She is the author of a book launching in March 2015, “It won’t be because I didn’t tell you!” Specifically written in love for girls ages 12-21 and their parents.
I loved the article and can’t wait to hear more Cassandra, I didn’t know women like this still exist. In this current time there are just not many women saving themselves for their husband or future husband.
They are still here
At first I was wondering where the article was going from the title. Married for 19 years and still saving myself for marriage. After reading it it made perfect sense. What an honor with lots of discipline to CHOOSE to continue to save yourself for only your spouse. Sad and true @king Anthony that it is not as common as it should be.
I love this cousin! I agree whole-heartedly with the whole article, especially my husband having his “private retreat between my legs”, Yes Lord! Lol
Wow!!! I love it. Give me more to think about, after being with only my husband for almost 40 yrs.
Write more!!!!
Mrs Paul I really really enjoyed your article. It’s so good to know that women of our age is still deeply in LOVE with their husbands. You give single ladies such as myself great insight and a head start of a Happy marriage! May God continue to bless you with many more happy years!!
Cassandra, spoken by the virtuous woman you have allowed God to make you to be. Such great insight and wisdom that only comes from above. Continue to present yourself as a vessel of honor unto Him, and unto him(your hubby). Blessings and Love:)
Really encouraging doze of us who r single.i draw so much strength from these words.thanx
Hi Mrs. Paul! I just wanted to say you’ve inspired me so much! You are a gifted writer & I can’t wait to read more of your articles & READ YOUR BOOK! Even though I’m a teenager it still makes me want to have only 1 husband to “play in my playground” lol and love him with all of me! Very inspiring… Bravo??????????
*Bravo!!!!! lol
Great job!
Hi King, there are still some women out there who are saving themselves for their future husband. I have been divorced for 13 years and have dated a few years after my divorce and did not give away my “special gift.” I’m Saving Myself for Marriage.
Teenager huh???? Let’s wait a few more years before you allow your husband “to play in your playground!” Lol!!!!!
Thanks for giving the article a CHANCE!! Of course those of us who are married ARE FAITHFUL!! We are suppose to be!! However, in different stages of marriages this challenges are greater than normal… Spouses should appreciate one another for honoring their vows….. Not assume or take each other for granted!! Thanks for reading!!
Great article!!! So happy you shared this with women and men who didn’t have the privilege of being raised in your home 🙂
what a great article!! Worth sharing to new & old couples! Thank you!
What an awesome article.
Wow… Its surely the way to go.
Beautifully conveyed message. I will save this for counselling other married women who, like myself, occasionally need to be reminded that their virtue of commitment is as valuable after five/ten/twenty… years as it was day one. Thank you.
Thank you all for your kind words and support!! I’ve read every comment!! Follow me on twitter @DoubeuCassandra or Cassandra Paul.
I love this article. That’s why. I no longer have boyfriends. I’m dating but leaning toward one special one. I will share this with him.
I have been happily married for 28 years, and until I read this article, I did not realize I have been doing that very thing simply because of the vow I made before God, family and friends. I like how this issue was articulated in your article, however, I do not agree that it gets more difficult the longer you are married, I find the longer we are married and the more in tune we are with each other, outside attractions are just not an issue.
Love that insight Dee!! I’m striving to get where you are!!! Thanks for letting us know, staying in tube with one another is key !! I’m looking forward to it 😉
40 years!!!!!!! Bowing honey …. Bowing!!! ????????
Well if the article is this great, I cant wait to read the book! Keep us posted PLEASE!! 🙂
“You chose to exclusively save yourself for your husband. He has his own private retreat between my legs,” comical.
Do you have your own private retreat between his legs? Did he make the same choice? I doubt it. But you stayed loyal for nineteen years.
Why do women value their husbands or boyfriends over their health. This is the reason, HIV is so rampant in Black women. It’s sad, Black women are loyal to men who don’t even warrant their time. This article fell on death ears. It’s always women giving advice about staying and fighting for unhealthy relationships.
I dare to say, your husband could not have written this article. We need to teach young woman to love themselves over a relationship. Make their health a priority.
Lol!!!! You are absolutely right. You have deaf ears!!! It’s too bad you couldn’t celebrate the BEAUTY and PURITY marriage has to offer.
Your probably sleeping with someone’ s husband
“I enjoy that my husband has his own private retreat between my legs.” YEEEEEESSSSS!!!