So I’m 25, halfway between 20 and 30. On my next birthday I will be closing the gap between me and the big 3-0. Seems unreal at times.
Lately, I’ve begun to understand what people are talking about when they say that your 20s are about finding yourself and figuring out who you are. I had settled for the Cliff Notes’ version of “Who Tara is” when I found I was expecting my first child, because hey, who has time to be doing all this self-exploration when there’s, you know, a kid to take care of?
So I bumbled my way through my kids’ first few years of life, not really knowing what made me happy or what I liked to do for fun, or who I am as an individual without the definition describing how I contribute to someone else’s life. I was always TJ’s wife, or baby girl’s mom, or Marilyn’s daughter, or an employee of (insert name of former employer here). But who am I? Really?
I’m on a quest to answer that question. Since my 25th birthday, I’ve tried to focus on Tara, the person. I learn so much about myself every day. What I expect from myself and others. What ticks me off. What character quirks I carry from childhood.
I am truly a work in progress and I’m proud to say I’m a much better wife, mother, friend, sister, etc., because of it.
So what have I gotten so far? I’ll share with you:
I’m impatient but I’m getting better.
I’m kind almost to a fault, where I don’t like people to get upset with me, especially if I know I’m in the wrong.
I love hard. If I love you, you know it.
I’m much more introspective now. Before, I would jump into an argument with the quickness, ready to prove I’m right. I have the foresight to hold my tongue before I speak, to make sure I focus on solutions, not my anger.
I push myself incredibly hard. I have no downtime. I have goals to reach and failure simply isn’t an option for me.
Once I lose trust in someone, it takes an incredibly long time to get back on my good side, if it even happens. Forgiveness is still a long, grueling process for me.
I regularly need time to simply be in my own head. I’m constantly analyzing my life and its direction, and making adjustments on the fly just isn’t my thing. I need time to lay on my bed, close my eyes, and plot out my next move.
I love where I am right now, but this road of self-discovery sure isn’t easy. A couple weeks ago I wrote on the Facebook page that my 20s are almost physically painful as I peel back the levels of who I am. Will it be easier as I reach my 30s, 40s and beyond?
But I know that this is so necessary and tragically overdue. As I get a firm grasp on who I am, it makes my goals just that much more clear. It’s necessary for us to understand ourselves to the core. When we walk around with even half understanding, it complicates life. We can’t have healthy relationships, we’re ineffective when we work, and we will feel run down all the time because we don’t understand how our lives work best.
I’m putting in the work now, so I don’t wake up at 30, 40, or even 50 wondering what happened to my life and why I’m not happy living in it.
Do you feel you know who YOU are? How are you working toward figuring it out? Did you go through a period of deep introspection in your 20s?
I can truly relate to this article, being a wife, mother, graduate student and working two joba at the age of 26 is no easy task. Im blessed to say that I am doing alot for my age and Gods will hopefully reap the benefits in my 30s and on.
I just entered my 20s and will turn 21 in October, so I’m taking this time to figure things out as well. I’m realizing I’m sometimes overly ambitious, and have a hard time saying no. I’m also impatient & love hard. I want to learn as much as I can before I have kids, since I know I won’t have as much time trying to figure it out.
lol – tara, is your birthday in july? 😉
You know…I have thought about this very topic a lot. When I turned 29 I started what I call my “Journey to 30″….basically realizing that I was ending my 20s, starting a new era and wanted to make sure I had it all set before going in. Only to realize that it doesn’t really happen that way, any thoughts, hang ups, etc.. that existed when you were 21, 25, or 29 yrs and 364 days still exist when you hit the big 30 (or any milestone age)..UNLESS you put in the work. I no longer segment my life this way (as it relates to becoming or finding myself) I think you get there when you get there and you cannot really set a clock on Gods growth plan for you can you? Now this is a tough message to digest early on, and I’m sure this comment will be written off by a few but you’ll see in time as you continue to age is that just whent u think you’ve got it…u realize u don’t…and I think that in itself is wisdom. With new challenges come new opportunities to learn more about yourself. So here is my take..
The key is to be authentic and true to who you are “at this phase” in your life, and give yourself some flexibility to make adjustments as you grow wiser and more experienced….or my bluntly put..as you age LOL…
Finding who you are is a journey, a never ending journey…as successful as Oprah is I love the fact that continues to learn about herself. True, she has a strong since of who she is in this moment (the present moment LOL) but all in all..who she is now in her mid fifties is not who she was in her mid 40s….she was still finding herself…and probably still is today…. coming into her own was a journey …..it is a journey…maybe you’ll get there by 30…maybe u won’t….but it doesn’t matter its all in his plan either way
knowing yourself is the key of success. you know yourself and shared this is best.
Orange County marriage and family counselor