By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works”
(Hebrews 10:24 NKJV)
A few weeks ago my husband said something to me that really struck a cord. He asked a simple request of me and I was very slow in taking action to meet that request. His perception was that I was only thinking of myself. As I thought more about it later, I had to agree with the way he saw it, but that was not the “me” I wanted to present. So, when I ask the question, are you easy to love, I don’t want the answer to come from your own perspective, but that of your significant other. If I were to ask them that question, could they honestly say that you were easy to love?
Do you show up with the best part of yourself in your love relationship? Most of the time we get caught up with the stresses of everything else in the world (our jobs, children and personal issues, like weight and finances) that our significant others, unfortunately, have to deal with our lashing out.
I know it is a challenge to always be easy to love. But a good place to start in your relationship is making the following statements true in your life, if they are not already:
- My mate feels safe with me
- I make it easy for my spouse to be themselves with me
- It is a joy for my spouse to be around me
- My significant other knows that I can be counted on to listen, be supportive and encourage them
Another place to start is to ask yourself, “Would I want to be in a relationship with someone just like me?” Think about some of the great qualities you have. Now think about how often your significant other gets to experience those qualities. Is it enough? If not, what can you do to change that?
Let’s make the goal being easier to love. What if we focus on bringing more of the good stuff into our relationships? Believe it or not, the more good stuff you bring in, the less room there is for the toxic stuff!
Be Good To Each Other – Show Love Today & Everyday!
By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter, a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing, creator of The Black Wives’ Club and an Administrator of Still Dating My Spouse. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
This was right on time today. I wish it could be read over megaphones throughout the city!!
AJ, I am with you on that one. We need constant reminders and we have to make sure we are giving the best of ourselvles to the ones we say we love the most.
This touched home I got a lot of work to do.
I love the article, it makes you stop and really think. Thanks.
Thanks!
I just heard the same statement from my husband a week or so ago. I didn't think me not moving at his request the moment he said it would be so important or such a bit deal. Thanks for the advice Tiya. We all need to do a self check every once in awhile.
Thanks Ayanna, absolutely we have to do that self check. It is that our spouses can be honest too, and let us know when they need us to do a little bit better.
I love this piece as well! It takes on a different approach to better yourself as well as your marriage!
Thank you.
Great Article Tiya!! It's always good to so a self check once in a while!
Thanks Ronnie. Oh yes, we have to do that and often too. lol.
I think this a very good article…and not to go down the wrong rabbit hole but I think some black men find some black woman hard to love. A woman that has been hurt many times, regardless of skin tone will be a hard nut to crack but if a man is sincere (and yes I agree ladies how do u know when he is) a woman has to know when to open up and give her love. Love like life is not perfect, make sure he earns your love and is deserving of it…just my two cents…by the way I'm a happily married black man and yes at times my wife can be very hard to love but you know what, im sure at times she would say the same about me.
Thank you abstract just for recognizing that a lot of women have loved hard before and been hurt. It truly does help when a man/husband can understand that and still love us just as hard. Thanks for your “two cents” it was extremely valuable!
This is great. Just recently, my husband said I have a mean streak, and I was astounded. I thought I was a very nice person, but who knows us better than our own spouses.
I have been accused of this by my husband. I have been trying to check my self on this issue.
Change is hard!
My huaband actually told me once that I am easy to love, that made me feel so awesome. But I don't think that is true all the time. I believe that we each have our trials and ups and downs and times that we don't even feel that its easy for us to love ourselves. Still, hearing that made me feel that I was really on top of tings, fot that moment anyway.
Not trying to sound disrespectful but in reality it doesn't matter what YOU may believe but what he believes about you, him, your marriage. If that man says you are easy to love, believe also that this is true because that is the vision he sees you through.
Don't water down such a strong emotion with words/thoughts such as “Made me feel like I was on top of things, for that moment anyway”.
Oooooh, I love this piece Mrs. Sumter. This is something I must ponder on. Thanks for putting things in perspective for the single sisters.
@ Adeline, yes our spouses know us better than anyone. It is good that he told you. It helps to be aware of those things that they may see, that we really don't.
Change is hard, the first thing we have to realize is that it will not happen overnight, so just take it step by step.
@Bodysculpter, that would make me feel awesome too, that is great! We all do have our days, but if more often than not, we are intentionally making ourselves easy to love, that is when we win.
@Tanya, Thank you girl. Thanks for your inspiration for the next one.
I think most times that I begin to get upset with my wife is because she doesn't see me as I see myself. I love me, I know I am not perfect but I try above all actions I try to be a good husband, love her and show her that I am all in for our marriage but don't feel like my efforts are appreciated and definitely not reciprocated. Let me rephrase, we have our moments or peace when the stars are aligned and things are going well, we communicate well, understand each other but before the night ends, we have some kind of disagreement in which the tension is greater than the situation warranted.
On another note, I do hope more brother's come onto this website and post comments.
Thank you for your comment Soulchild, we are happy to have you here. My questions to you would be how are you displaying the perfect you? Does she get to experience that side often enough? What have you told her about your feeling unappreciated at times? Now what I'm about to say I know is much easier said than done, BUT, even when things don't go our way or when our partner isn't doing as they should, we still should give them that perfect us, the best of ourselves. I read a great book once, “The Mastery of Love” and in it, it says we are only responsible for our halves of the relationship. That has stuck with me ever since. So just do what you're supposed to do and don't worry about the rest. Your wife will meet you where you are.
I absolutely love your articles, today this really hit me in a place that made me think deeply about my behavior in my marriage of 11 years that has ended. I can admit I wasn’t easy to love all the time, OK my probably most of the time would be my spouses response. I let a lot of things internally and externally drive my behavior, I think I lost focus, I have since learned that if we focus on love, what brought your relation.ship together, focus on the positive you can be lovable, it will spill out of you, hopefully to others, it wasn’t until I grasped and encountered the breath-taking unconditional love of God that I got it. Thanks again