Ever get tired of the back and forth with your spouse? Sometimes you just don’t seem to be on the same page. You probably swear it isn’t you. Your partner just doesn’t quite get you, and doesn’t seem to even be willing.
Therefore, it’s them and not you, right? It’s a common way of thinking for most married individuals. The reasons why most marriages struggle is because both partners are usually looking externally instead of internally when problems arise.
Now I’d like to ask you a very direct question, could it possibly be you who keeps the conflict alive and well in your marriage? If you aren’t quite sure, let’s examine a few ways it just might be:
1. Your mind is programmed to look for what isn’t working.
Believe me, everytime you look, you are going to come up with something. There are quite a few people who think this way. They either learned it from childhood or maybe they were trained that way in business. It’s okay to find areas of improvement in the relationship, but if you have no solutions, what good does it do? We all desire the best marriage possible.
In order to have that, we have to take a realistic look at our behaviors and admit to some ugly truths, before we can get there. Changing our thinking, by looking at what’s going right, will change our relationship.
2. You never praise your spouse.
Maybe it’s a challenge for you to see that your partner actually did do something right, because you’ve been so critical for so long. But hearing words of encouragement is healthy for any human. We should be in the business of building up and not tearing down, especially for our most trusted ally.
3. You never apologize, but are always expecting one from your spouse.
None of us are perfect, it’s impossible. This was a challenge for me in my relationship. I struggled with seeing how and where I might have been wrong. This affected my marriage, as you can imagine. Who am I to think that I can’t make mistakes? I had to quickly get over myself and start to own my mess and yes, apologize for it too.
4. You say hurtful things that you know will get a rise out of your spouse.
Once we know our spouse’s trigger, some of us push, frequently. We have the benefit of really getting to know our partners intimately, so we are privy to some very useful information. But when we use what we know to hurt our spouse, we have truly crossed the line.
5. You are bored when there isn’t any conflict.
Let’s be honest, some of us live for the drama. We don’t even feel right if we aren’t disagreeing about something. Feeling like it isn’t love if we aren’t going at it, definitely isn’t love. Our relationships should be where we find solace and restoration. If we’re out here fighting the world and then have to fight in our homes, we’ll grow old of that scene, real quick. This isn’t healthy for any relationship, especially a marriage.
I understand this can be difficult to admit. Who wants to realize their actions have been hurting their marriage. But the truth is, if you don’t recognize it now, it will only destroy your relationship later. If you truly want what’s best for your marriage, you have to be honest about how what you do affects your spouse.
BMWK, are you the instigator in your relationship?
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