Recently, I wrote a post on the 5 Things to Consider If You’re Mad With Mom this Mother’s Day. During the research and writing of this piece, I was reminded of how much our parents shape our behavior in our future relationships and marriages. Unresolved mommy and daddy issues could cause chaos in your relationship, if you aren’t mindful.

It took me a while to really recognize what my issues were in the beginning of my marriage. Basically, I thought my husband was solely to blame for our communication barriers. And that contributed to my challenge in supporting him properly. But it’s funny; I wasn’t able to connect the dots until I began studying relationships. By the time, I became a certified life coach and started working with other couples, I had an understanding of why I struggled so much and had made some needed corrections.

I missed the experience of growing up with my dad in the same home. When one parent is absent from the home, feelings of rejection can creep in. For me, I thought men/husbands were optional. I would come to these irrational conclusions in my marriage based on my experiences of not seeing a husband and wife relationship in my childhood home. As a result, I sometimes treated my husband this way early in our marriage. To be honest, we probably never would’ve survived if I didn’t change. Here’s what I learned:

• My husband isn’t optional. I want and need him as my partner and friend for life.
• My dad and mom did the best they could with what they had.
• My husband shouldn’t pay for my issues.
• I’m solely responsible for my future decisions and happiness.
• Forgiveness is a necessary part of growth and healing.
• Unforgiveness blocks your joy.
• The mistakes of the past are excellent lessons for the future.
• Once you know better, you do better.

I’m so grateful today. I believe there is purpose in everything that happens in our lives. Those daddy issues I had coming up eventually helped me love my husband even stronger.

If you’ve brought mommy and daddy issues into your relationship, please recognize what you stand to lose. It’s important that you acknowledge what they are specifically and begin the process of healing. We can’t continue to let our parents’ past dictate our futures.

BMWK, what daddy issues did you bring into your relationships?