A few years ago, I posted about how I felt completely unable to be “me” and a mother. I was unraveling, trying to reach my personal goals while being everything to everyone, and I was struggling. I wrote that post in fear of the backlash that I would receive, but at the time, what I needed more than anything was to be honest. I was surprised in that moment how many women spoke … [Read more...]
3 Reasons Children are Worth the Headache
As a mother of three, every now and then I will get the question from child-free friends or couples: Is having children worth it? I’ve realized that my answer isn’t necessarily what whomever I’m talking to expects or what most would say. I’m not one of those mothers who says “oh it’s so hard but it’s all worth it in the end.” In reality, it’s worth it to me, but I can’t say … [Read more...]
5 Quick Things You Can Do Tonight to Have a Sexier Bedroom
I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. I am generally okay with keeping most of my house looking halfway decent. With working full time, writing part time and three children, it’s not always easy, but at the very least, the parts of my house that most people see are somewhere in the vicinity of “not embarrassing.” My bedroom is where it all tends to go downhill. … [Read more...]
Monogamy Isn’t Natural and Neither is the Alternative
A recent article about “The New Monogamy” details shifting ideas about monogamy and how married couples are now being more open to exploring different ideas about what being faithful means. The article is just one of many shedding light on the ever-popular sentiment that monogamy isn’t “natural,” and by trying to force it, we’re ultimately doing more harm to our relationships … [Read more...]
Replace the Bitter With the Sweet: 6 Steps to Letting Go of Bitterness In Your Marriage
Recently, a coworker talked to me about a relative who is bitter about the fact that her life didn’t unfold as planned. Her relative’s anger has driven her to ruin her relationships with her family. Over the years, she has lost most of her friends. For those few who still remain loyal to her, she has nothing but harsh words. In fact, she has never stopped being angry after her … [Read more...]
6 Things No One Tells You About Marriage I Had to Learn on My Own
Before my husband and I got married, it seemed that everyone was full of advice for our new lives together. Now eight years in, we haven’t seen or done it all, but I was surprised at the things that we have experienced that didn’t get talked about much ahead of time. [imagebrowser id=381] … [Read more...]
Five Questions to Ask Your Spouse Before the End of January!
While many of us come up with personal goals for the New Year, it’s also important to make sure you and your spouse have a shared vision. Fortunately, getting on the same page is easier than you might think. Here are five questions to ask each other before the New Year to help you to both be better spouses in the year to come. [imagebrowser id=368] … [Read more...]
4 Reasons Why Your Wife Isn’t Sleeping with You Right Now
Among the more popular relationship stories of 2014 was a spreadsheet posted on Reddit that a disgruntled husband typed up and presented to his wife detailing all of the excuses she had given him for not having sex. It was just a new spin on an ever-popular topic: married men who aren’t getting any. This issue is always approached as a wife who’s gotten lazy or gotten the … [Read more...]
7 Reasons Not to Keep the Peace in Your Marriage
At my bridal shower, my guests filled out note cards of advice. One said “know when to keep your peace and when to stand your ground, and make sure your fights count.” I had no idea what that advice meant entering my marriage. Over time, though, it has become something I’ve come back to over and over again, not just in terms of deciding when to be quiet, but also the times … [Read more...]
How I Know “Ferguson” Will Happen Again, and Again, and Again Unless We Take These Steps to Stop It!
Today, many of us are still grappling with the Michael Brown verdict. We are wondering how once again we asked the question of whether black men are valuable in this country, and were once again met with ‘no’ as an answer. But even sadder than the devastation felt after the Michael Brown verdict, is the knowledge that it will happen again. It is not a matter of “if,” but … [Read more...]
I Refuse to Look Perfect at Home for my Husband
Lately, I’ve been in a number of conversations about what a wife should look like when she’s at home with her husband. Is it okay to wear a head scarf? Should I be cleaning up in heels? Should I put on my makeup before he gets up in the morning? I’m not going to knock you for whatever you do. But I’ll let you know what I do. I don’t spend every minute of every day at home … [Read more...]
Real Men Don’t Hunt Women
pred·a·tor (Merriam-Webster) noun \?pre-d?-t?r, -?to?r\ : an animal that lives by killing and eating other animals : an animal that preys on other animals : a person who looks for other people in order to use, control, or harm them in some way Recently scrolling through Instagram I came across a quote about men being natural hunters that characterized the relationship … [Read more...]
How Do You Answer Your Child’s Questions About Your Blended Family?
One day recently I picked up my 14-year-old daughter from her grandmother’s house with my 5-year-old son in tow. As we waited for my daughter, my son wandered into another room and returned holding something behind his back, a look of horror plastered across his face. “Mom!” he said, “ What in the world is this!” He pulled a photo from behind his back. It was a picture of me … [Read more...]
Three Lies Married People Tell About Forgiveness
for·give verb \f?r-?giv, fo?r-\ : to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)- Merriam Webster At some point in your marriage your spouse will hurt you, usually unintentionally, but we are human and sometimes that humanness gets in the way and we hurt one another through words or actions. In order to move past the pain and … [Read more...]
Four Lies We Should Stop Telling Black Children About Domestic Violence
NFL footballer Ray Rice was cut from the Baltimore Ravens today after footage was released of him punching his then fiancée, now wife, in an elevator earlier this year in Atlantic City. Opinions have swirled about whether or not the punishment from the NFL fits the crime. One thing that is not an opinion, but is instead a sobering fact: black women are twice as likely to die as … [Read more...]