For those of us who were raised “old school”, we grew up knowing: Rule #1. Mom and Dad are always right. And even when they’re wrong—they're right. Rule #2. A butt whippin’ was standard operating procedure when you misbehaved. And don’t forget to pick your own stick off the tree in the front yard for that whippin’. And, Rule #3. When in doubt, reference Rule … [Read more...]
Can I Get Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T from my Elders?
At a recent convention, my sister and I were interacting with attendees—young and old—as we were selling our new book on personal transformation and self healing. At one point, two older ladies, probably in their mid-to-late 60’s, came by our booth to talk to us. As they were asking us questions about the book, one of them very directly asked, “Well how old are you two? If … [Read more...]
Natural Hair: Why I’ll Never Give My Daughter a Relaxer
Hair is a touchy subject in our community. “Touchy” is probably an understatement. But it’s a subject that never seems to run out of steam. I, for one, am ecstatic to see the explosion of the natural hair movement. And trust, it’s a movement—not a trend. I just recently found out that the sale of relaxers has actually dropped by 26% in the past five years. I started my locs … [Read more...]
Africa’s Version of “Sex in the City” is Changing the Narrative of the African Woman
There’s a wave of change happening. And it has everything to do with Africa...and Lupita Nyong’o...and Nollywood...and even Beyoncé and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Over the past few years, if you’ve been paying any attention to what’s going on in the world, then you’ve probably noticed that Africa—the continent—has been getting quite a bit of play lately. And not for the reasons … [Read more...]
9 Easy (and Mostly Free) Ways to Love on Yourself Today
So many of us look for others to show us the same love that we have yet to show ourselves. But how can someone love you more than you love yourself? I’ve learned that you will always attract to yourself who you are. So if you want to attract the right people into your life who will appreciate you, you’ve got to show yourself some appreciation. Here are a few easy ways to … [Read more...]
The 3 Worst Reasons to Get Married
A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with one of my young mentees who was sharing some of her frustrations with me. She had been dating her boyfriend for several years and was upset because, although she felt she was ready to get married, he wasn't. Mind you, he had given her a promise ring and had already stated that he intended to marry her—when he had his life in … [Read more...]
The Top 3 Reasons Why Men Should Still Pay for Dinner on a Date
I’m one of those people who, when I go to the gym, I go to work out. Not to gossip. Not to snag a date. Not to look cute. To work out. I recognize that that’s not the case for everyone, which was apparent a couple of weeks ago during my morning workout. As I was about to pick up my weights, a man in a space suit (I’m not sure what exactly they’re called, but I guess … [Read more...]
Why Reading the 5 Love Languages Might Save Your Relationship
Several weeks ago, I was meeting a good male friend of mine for coffee after having not seen him for several months—except on Facebook. We caught up on what’s been happening in our lives and then got onto the subject of family. He has two adorable young boys and a wife he would lay down his life for. But when I asked him how his wife was doing, his answer shocked me: “Not too … [Read more...]
6 Traits Lupita Nyong’o has that Every Woman Should Want
With her ebony skin and flawless style, Lupita Nyong’o has graced the covers of major magazines, television and awards shows, and is probably still figuring out how all this happened in such a short span of time. Outside of being a major breakout star and industry darling, this gracious up-and-comer has already taught us many lessons in what it means to be a beautiful, strong … [Read more...]
Are Your Kids Collecting Expensive Souvenirs on Your Guilt Trips?
As parents, we want our children to have every opportunity in the world, including things we may not have had ourselves growing up. When I had my daughter 10 years ago, I knew there were certain emotions that came with being a mother: joy, worry, love, exasperation. What I didn't count on was the guilt that sometimes accompanies parenthood. The guilt of working too hard and not … [Read more...]
The 7 Types of Men You Should Run (Not Walk!) From
As women, the loud ticking of our biological clocks sometimes causes us to make some really dumb decisions when it comes to the men we choose to be our mates. I am no exception. Having reviewed past relationships to figure out why they didn’t work out, I realized that I made poor decisions with the men I dated because they were a reflection of how I felt about myself at the … [Read more...]
The 9 Most Important Phrases You Need to Tell Your Children
I’ve known, from the time that my daughter was born, that she was going to be a handful—call it Mother’s intuition. As a highly creative child, and sometimes too smart for her own good, it was important to give her the most important guiding principles by which to live a great life and use her gifts for good. I figure by the time she’s repeating some of these same phrases back … [Read more...]
The 10 Most Important Things My Divorce Taught Me About Marriage
I can’t believe it’s already been almost 10 years since my marriage ended. When I got married in 1999, I just knew it was for keeps. Divorce was never an option. Or so I thought. After coming through the most difficult season in my life, I was able to eventually step back and understand where and how things went so wrong. I hope these lessons help you take stock of your own … [Read more...]
5 Reasons I Stopped Making New Year’s Resolutions
It’s that time of year again! The Black Friday madness is over, the gift-giving frenzy has calmed down and it’s now time to think about how you’re going to spend the next year of your life. By now, you’ve probably started making your list of resolutions (lose weight, pay off debt, get along with your in-laws, etc.) and are absolutely 200% committed to sticking to them—this … [Read more...]