Sometimes blending those as step-family as there may be biological parents to deal with or the spouse entering the new family may find it difficult to parent someone else’s child. I had a two year old son when I met my husband and he had no children. The biological father really wasn’t a presence so there was no problem on that front. The problem was me. I had to learn to let my husband raise my son and here’s how I did it.
I had to consider the fact that my husband loved me enough to want to marry me, knowing I had a son. My husband bonded with my son before we started dating. We attended the same church and he would not hesitate to help me discipline my son when he would act up. I thought it was cute and I figured he was trying to get in good with me. Lol! And once we started dating, my husband didn’t hesitate to answer my three year old son the first time he called him “daddy”. I had to learn that my husband did indeed love my son.
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I had to remember that my son was a boy and that my husband could teach him to be a man. Plus I figured since I married him, I had to trust him to be someone my child could look up to. I realized after I had my daughter that the kids were to be raised differently. I was harder on our daughter and my husband was harder on my son. I had to let go of my urges to “mother” my son and let him be a boy and let my husband raise him to become a man.
I had to understand that just because my husband and son didn’t see eye to eye during the teen years, it didn’t mean they didn’t love each other. Those were critical years and while they didn’t agree on most things, my husband still had a job to do and that was to be a father. My husband and I would disagree on things concerning my son, but I had to learn to step out of the way and trust him. I had to learn that my husband had never hurt and had no intentions of hurting my son.
My husband and son have never referred to each other as “step” anything. My husband has always loved my son as if he were his own. My son is 23 and recently told my husband that he appreciates everything he taught him and there is a closeness between the two that I know will never be broken. I had to learn that my son was no longer just “mine” but that he was “ours”.
BMWK ladies, how have you learned to let your husbands raise your kids from other relationships?