by Ronnie Tyler
It used to be that anger would motivate us to make positive changes. Oprah recently honored the Freedom Fighters, a group of men and women from different races, ages, and cultures that united together to fight for equality. It’s been 50 years since the Freedom Fighters united.
Fast forward to today. What exactly is our anger motivating us to do? We live in a time where anger and foolish outbursts are being glorified. We love to see people get angry which is why shows like the Real Housewives are so popular.
Even Donald Trump sees profit in it and has jumped on the angry bandwagon. A few Sundays ago, for a brief moment I thought I was watching an episode of the RHOA instead of the Celebrity Apprentice as NeNe Leakes verbally assaulted Star Jones on national television. But wait”...I thought the mission of Celebrity Apprentice was to raise money for charities?
As humans, we are going to get frustrated, stressed, and angry….it’s in our nature. However, the way we choose to deal with our anger is totally up to us. We can let our anger negatively impact our families by destroying our marriages and impacting our children. Or, we can allow our anger to motivate us to make positive changes through loving actions.
I never really considered myself to be an angry person. But I do get angry from time to time. Sometimes I get angry and just blow-up at the kids. And when that happens, the kids know to scatter and stay out of mommy’s way. And whatever they were doing to cause me to blow my top, better cease immediately.
Usually when that happens, my husband will look at me and say: “Are you all right, you went from 0 to 60 in no time flat.” This means he probably thinks I overreacted and that the kids were really not doing anything that significant to warrant such an extreme reaction from me.
And normally he’s right. Sometimes the kids are on the receiving end of frustration or stress that has built up. (And then again, sometimes their butts are not listening and I have to go off on them to get them back on track.) But either way, I am never really proud of how I reacted and how I chose to express my anger.
Have you ever stopped to see how your kids deal with their anger? Is it like looking in the mirror? Sometimes I see my girls snapping at each other and I think …yikes…is that what I look like? Did she get that from me? Probably!! And the way I deal with anger may be a culmination of things that influenced me growing up, as well as past hurts or frustrations that I have allowed to build up.
In the book, Anger, Handling A Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, Gary Chapman says that anger is something that we can learn to control like unlearning bad habits. Chapman states:
“Anger is not designed to stimulate us to do destructive things to people who may have wronged us, nor does it give us license to say or do destructive things to our neighbors. Anger’s fundamental purpose is to motivate us to positive, loving action that will leave things better than we found them.”
Those are powerful statements. How many of us can really say that after we become angry with our spouses, we make positive changes that will strengthen our relationships. I suspect that many people might say that after they become angry, they say or do something that is detrimental to the relationship.
Dr. Chapman’s book sat on my bookshelf for months. It was given to us, along with many other books. But I did not read it because I thought that book was not for me”...I am not an angry person”...am I? But I finally, started reading it and have been blessed by the tools that Dr. Chapman provides on how you can control your anger and use it to motivate you toward positive change. It also shows you how to teach your kids to deal with anger.
BMWK Family – this book has blessed us and we are sure it will bless you too. So we are giving away 2 copies.
To Enter:
1) You have to follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/blackandmarried
2) Join our Email list if you’re not currently a member: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.fanbridge.com/
3) Tweet: “@blackandmarried is helping us to get our anger in check with a #giveaway https://bit.ly/k7OlZj “
4) Leave a comment letting us know that you’ve done all three.
*You must be a US resident to win. Winner will be selected via random.org and announced on Monday May 23, 2011 here on this page*
Also the book can be purchased on Amazon.com and in major book stores too.
Patricia says
I just did all three! This book looks great. I hope I win. Thank you for the article and the chance to win.
Leila says
I did it! Hope I win. I would love to have this book.
k love says
did all three!! really hope to win.
SxeStar0024 says
Ive done all three! 🙂
Gchambers23 says
I’ve done all 3!
Lielamfuller says
I’ve done all three!! 🙂
KRBz says
All three complete!:)
Jaime says
all three are complete. I really NEED this book. Mostly because I can’t afford Professional help lol
Lucinda M. Dorsey says
I just did all 3 as requested! I love your FB page too! Very informative!
StillDaddy says
I just did all three. Demetrius @iamstilldaddy:twitter
StillDaddy says
I just did all three.