You know, everyone always asks me how I balance my work life with being a mother and a wife and my initial response is always the same. I get a little angry. Why doesn’t anyone ever ask men how they juggle being a working father and husband? The answer is, of course, very simple. Despite the fact that women now work outside the home our work inside the home has not decreased significantly.

My life is no different. My husband and I still have issues about it. I went through the martyr thing for a long time. I did it all; worked till I was exhausted and never complained. Then one day we both found out the hard way that I was a whole lot angrier than either one of us knew. He said something about the lawn and I tore the roof off the sucker. We have since made some adjustments or, shall I say, I have.

Since there is not, at least to my knowledge, a conversation or revelation we can have to fix this, I have decided to work the edges. I am now in the process of taking back chunks of my time and have vowed (and this was the hard part) that I was neither going to feel guilty about nor apologize for it. When I am at work I am at work. When I am doing the mom and wife thing that’s what that is. In an effort to put this in practice I now give voice to this idea whenever I am asked for more and it is not on the program for that day. I’ve watched my husband. He does as much as he can. I used to do whatever was necessary. There is a difference. I had no line I made others respect. Now I do. Or, at least, I’m working on it.

Truth be told, it is the home thing that really gets my goat. They are the ones most likely to expect more and more and not even acknowledge how much I am doing. At work I get applause and a paycheck. People ask me to do things and say thank you. At home I get complaints critiques and more requests. So in an effort to chip away at this big rock of resentment I’ve adopted two new favorite phrases: “mommy is off the clock.” And “pretend that I’m not here.” My kids are old enough that I can get away with that now. But it’s a mind set. You have to train people. You have to wean them off the “˜24/7 mommy will do it’ thing.

I have yet to conquer this problem, though. I still do too much too often and feel a bit annoyed. If some of you women have solved this problem I sure would like to know what you’ve done. The problem is I think that housework is not just a matter of time or need. I think, deep down my husband is a bit insulted by being asked to handle dishes and a mop. He says he isn’t but I don’t believe him. I think it’s a male ego thing. Fellas, look deep in your heart, am I right or is it just him?