Yes, I’m putting my little cousins and other family members on blast today. I begrudingly accepted their friend requests but didn’t pay them any attention at first.
Then I saw the status update about my niece’s new boyfriend. Um, what?
Then my cousin changed his profile picture to a shirtless photo. Come again?
Then my other little cousin is commenting on girls photos, telling them they look hot.
All three of these family members are under 15.
And don’t get me started on the teen/tween speak. How is it better/easier/cooler to spell “daii” instead of “day” or “uu” instead of “you”?
I tell them with the quickness, “Hey, go put a shirt on!” or “Tell me about this boyfriend,” or “Cut it out, knucklehead.”
I’m trying to walk that fine line between being the cool cousin/aunt and the one who will tear them a new one for acting up – online or otherwise. I don’t want them to block me, or tune me out because I’m fussing at them all the time. Because online, they’re either being their true selves or some exaggerated version in order to seem cool.
Don’t get me wrong – I remember what it’s like to be a teen. I’m only 10 or so years older than my younger family members, so I feel I can talk to them with the “Been there, done that” attitude and they know the “been there” wasn’t too long ago.
One thing’s for sure: I’m so glad Facebook and all these other sites didn’t exist when I was younger, because I sure would have made a fool out of myself. I remember how “in love” I was with my high school boyfriend and I’m glad the only evidence of that foolish love affair exists solely in my mind.
I’m about to take my niece by the hand and say, “Sweetie, you maintain a 4.0 GPA. You’re too smart for all that dumbed down talk. You’re brilliant – act like it.”
I’m about to pull my nephew to the side and let him know that flashing his pecs in his Facebook profile picture is unnecessary. Girls need to appreciate him more for his brains and gentlemanly demeanor than his six-pack.
I’m about to tell my other nephew that there are more appropriate ways to let a girl know you like her, and oogling her cleavage online is not one of them.
So far, I have noticed that they tone it down after I get after them. While I am not their parent, I do have their best interests at heart and I hope they know I’m coming from a place of love.
Have you noticed your younger siblings/cousins/nieces/nephews behavior on Facebook and other social media sites sometimes border on being inappropriate? How do you handle it?
i saw one of my little cousins doing the same rubbish and i wanted to call her mother pronto! first of all i was worried she was even too young to be on facebook!
I support the watchful eye, but in your specific cases.. I’m not convinced. I’m glad you’re (fi so) letting them know the importance is being appropriate online… at least until you get to a point where you will willingly accept the consequences.
The stuff that you say they are doing is really small and not that huge of a deal IMO. I guess it could always escalate and you know them since they’ve been kids… but not only do I see worse, but it seems like they are just talking and doing ‘facebook’ stuff.
Do continue your relationship with them… it comes in handy!
Thanks for sharing.
I support the watchful eye, but in your specific cases.. I’m not convinced. I’m glad you’re (fi so) letting them know the importance is being appropriate online… at least until you get to a point where you will willingly accept the consequences.
The stuff that you say they are doing is really small and not that huge of a deal IMO. I guess it could always escalate and you know them since they’ve been kids… but not only do I see worse, but it seems like they are just talking and doing ‘facebook’ stuff.
Do continue your relationship with them… it comes in handy!
Thanks for sharing.
Nip it in the bud!
My though about facebook has really been out of control a long time ago,from the kids to the adult,they have made the facebook out of a gossip column,I definitely don’t think a kids should be able to have a facebook page,it not that you do or don’t trust your kids,it’s the others mess that people write,that the kids be reading,or accept friends that they really don’t know and be chating with,that my main reason,afraid that they will push it to another level…but if you do let them have a facebook,please monitor…
My though about facebook has really been out of control a long time ago,from the kids to the adult,they have made the facebook out of a gossip column,I definitely don’t think a kids should be able to have a facebook page,it not that you do or don’t trust your kids,it’s the others mess that people write,that the kids be reading,or accept friends that they really don’t know and be chating with,that my main reason,afraid that they will push it to another level…but if you do let them have a facebook,please monitor…
My though about facebook has really been out of control a long time ago,from the kids to the adult,they have made the facebook out of a gossip column,I definitely don’t think a kids should be able to have a facebook page,it not that you do or don’t trust your kids,it’s the others mess that people write,that the kids be reading,or accept friends that they really don’t know and be chating with,that my main reason,afraid that they will push it to another level…but if you do let them have a facebook,please monitor…
My cousins and god-children know that I will show up in the middle of a twitter/facebook conversation quickly. The one thing that they don’t get is that there is no taking back some of the stuff they put out there. With twitter and facebook being searchable and archiving being what it is many of there comments will live on. I remember showing one of the older ones(14yrs old) how easy it is for someone to find out the details of a conversation that they thought were “private”.
I told my college age god-child how employers can look into your profiles and use that information. I thank God every day that I grew up in the pre-AOL era of the internet and not the Facebook era.
I’m a FB Nazi when it comes to my kids and younger family members. I have halted topics that have gotten out of control and I have made posts disappear. Sadly I am more aware thats going on in their lives (young family members) than their parents. I’ve noticed that they look over their shoulder more often!
My niece had a friend that made a comment about wanting to die. I didn’t know this person . I suggested he talk to a parent or somebody. My niece, that little thing unfriended me. I still think about that person and pray he never do anything to himself. Wasn’t my friend and it wasn’t my business but it really disturbed me. What if that was his way to ask for help. She is not my Facebook friend anymore but it was more than worth it to me.
I remember when fb was first created you had to have a college email address to sign up. Those were the days. I used to be on it a lot, but it has drastically changed. I am grateful that my little brother is not allowed on it yet and my little sister, thank God, is only 14, but mentally mature for her age and has a 4.0 GPA and it shows on her page whenever she is on. I think that parents and adult relatives need to monitor their children on fb because you can find a lot about who they are and what they are up to instead of waiting for them to come and talk to you.
I remember when fb was first created you had to have a college email address to sign up. Those were the days. I used to be on it a lot, but it has drastically changed. I am grateful that my little brother is not allowed on it yet and my little sister, thank God, is only 14, but mentally mature for her age and has a 4.0 GPA and it shows on her page whenever she is on. I think that parents and adult relatives need to monitor their children on fb because you can find a lot about who they are and what they are up to instead of waiting for them to come and talk to you.
I am a FB stalker when it comes to my kids, nieces, cousins and their friends. I actually set up my daughter’s account for her so I check in every day or so to monitor what is going on and I will jump into conversations that seem inappropriate for their age. My stepdaughter ran away from home and we were able to find her thanks to myspace. And just last week one of the neighborhood kids didn’t go home for days and one of her classmates is the one that replied to a status about over hearing her tell someone where she was going.
There is definitely good and bad that comes along with social networking….
I am a FB stalker when it comes to my kids, nieces, cousins and their friends. I actually set up my daughter’s account for her so I check in every day or so to monitor what is going on and I will jump into conversations that seem inappropriate for their age. My stepdaughter ran away from home and we were able to find her thanks to myspace. And just last week one of the neighborhood kids didn’t go home for days and one of her classmates is the one that replied to a status about over hearing her tell someone where she was going.
There is definitely good and bad that comes along with social networking….
My nieces and nephews begrudgingly added me as a friend on FB. I have had to call them out on some of their foul language. I told their mothers..but did not see any changes. They know I am watching and I am glad they did not unfriend me.
My nieces and nephews begrudgingly added me as a friend on FB. I have had to call them out on some of their foul language. I told their mothers..but did not see any changes. They know I am watching and I am glad they did not unfriend me.
I don’t, for the most part, accept friend requests from kids. Not that I would be posting porn or anythng innapropriate for the internet, but I just dont feel like involving them in “grown folks” conversation.For me I feel like my facebook page is adult space – so I let them have their teen space. I guess it could have its advantages in the sense that I would be able to monitor them if I wanted to, but at the same time I’ve seen those friendships go wrong when kids end up privy to things they shouldn’t on facebook by way of adults.
That’s a good point Aja…However, via the security options..you could probably setup a group just for them so that they do not see all of your status updates
That’s a good point Aja…However, via the security options..you could probably setup a group just for them so that they do not see all of your status updates
That’s a good point Aja…However, via the security options..you could probably setup a group just for them so that they do not see all of your status updates
Aja, I see where you are coming from but I guess it will depend on the person. I was that child who was raised to be seen not heard – but I paid attention to my adults and with that I came into what is known as an old soul. A bit more mature than other’s my age growing up. That said, I do accept my younger family members and my pics, ‘likes’, conversations and postings are (in my mind) my way of setting the example of how to conduct yourself online. I try to set an example in some way to be emulated or at the very least to set a foundation that; should I address someone; they can’t come back and say “well look at your page, such a hypocrite”.
Girl I unfriended my sisters from facebook. I just cant deal with photos of them in to tight, to short clothing, the moody status up dates or the weird men commenting on their walls. My comments to them started leading to arguments so I cut them out. LOL.
I also have young cousins on FB and yes I have seen some inappropriate post and did mention it to adult relatives, and it toned down after that. I for the most part don’t say too much because all of their parents (and grandparents!!) are on FB as well, so I know it won’t get too crazy. It’s true that many times they present an alter-ego of sorts when they are on FB; When my children are old enough to be on hereu00a0 (They are 8 and 10 now) we will definitely have discussion about what’s appropriate. Actually we talk about it now, but again they are not old enough for FB accounts.
I think these days too many people are posting things they shouldn’t and it’s ruining relationships. I haven’t spoken to my sister in over a year after she told me (via Twitter) that my daughter having autism was my fault and that if I “stop treating her like a retard, she’d stop acting like one”. I think too often these sites are used to say and do things you would never dream of saying or doing in a face to face interaction. My kids are too young to have FB pages (thankfully), and I’ve been unfriended by friends because I’m more mature for 26 than some of my 30ish year old friends.
I agree with you that these sites tend to help perpetuate certain conduct that normally folks would not do. Much like when the internet first became publicly huge and a lot of the chat rooms and what not was used to do pretty much whatever on. Pics, cam to cam nude view, etc.
The fact that love and a little sensitivity was not used on behalf of your sister is sad. I have friends and relatives that have children such as yours and I have found that treating them as normal as possible promotes normal behavior and reaction most times. Just my two cents. I do pray for you and your sister to not prolong this lack or relationship. Be blessed.
This is too funny! My cousin who is 20 would constantly curse in her status, use that awful combination of upper and lower case letters in words (isn’t it easier to type correctly?) and the like. She basically stopped allowing me to see her page when I called her out on it, but it makes my timeline look a whole lot better.
This…is tricky. I have a 14 going on 15 year old half-sister, and some of the things I’ve seen would almost make me cringe. Calling her out on it is another thing; it is impossible for me to do so. Without going into too much detail, I don’t get along with either of her parents…my stepmother and father, and so I’m not allowed to communicate in any form whatsoever. To comment to her relatives seems out of the question…and extremely problematic. But it does concern me sometimes, when I am able to see what I’ve seen (and never mind how I’m able to see what she is sometimes up to…). It makes me wonder if they’re asleep at the switch…???
I’ve dared to comment directly to nieces and cousins when I sense a comment is out of line; so far, it hasn’t led to me being banned from any of their pages. At their age…respect is the name of the game. You want to impart the message without driving them away or starting an argument (if you can get away with it). The standards are different now…skin seems to be much more accepted, as it was during the 1960s (our era…remember…it was there). Nudity (partial) is usually where I draw the line and comment, as well as shirtless guys on my niece’s FB. Some of the comments are…almost beyond the edge, and others I can’t quite fathom (because they’re written in Tagalog, a language I don’t readily understand. More then anything, I use that as a time to point out what can possibly go wrong when showing off too much skin.
You try to keep things in perspective…and demonstrate what can go wrong.
I whole heartedly agree that 1. Parent’s need to monitor what their kids are doing online (computers), monitor what they are doing on their phones (smart phones/pda’s/ipads/etc). Facebook, much like any other website, has an age requirement but anyone that can do simple math can make up a date to make them age appropriate or make a fake account to authorize themselves. I have had to check a few of my family members, teens, tweens, and adults about their behavior online. Its not just a matter of their personal decency and conduct but also speaks for their families, if they have their own families, employers check online quite often to see what kind of employee they are hiring, as well as a lot of perverts come for free views at your have dress children. This is not stressed enough, the safety and responsibility of being online. Too many times have I seen women, girls, young ladies with the “look back at it” shot; with nearly their panties and bra only and the notorious bathroom mirror with the cell phone shot (going back to physically and electronically checking cell phones). This is serious and nurture’s into the character of our already externally and negatively influenced children.
my younger sister who is now 18 is on facebook, mxit, you name it. i recall seeing a video of her kissing some guy in her phone about three years ago.i simply did not know what to do
I kind of agree with Discussion King, I honestly don’t see anything they are doing that are really out of control except being their age. We want children to act their age and be a child, it appears that’s what they are doing. We do things according to our age. The young man with the shirt off just doesn’t seem like a big deal. If he’s proud of his body so be it at least he’s not showing his gentitals or other parts of his anatomy that I’ve seen people do. The young lady who has a gpa of 4.0 apparently is doing what she’s suppose to be doing and just having some fun via the social networking site. Relatively speaking, I don’t see anything wrong with any of the things you posted. you should really look deeper and see what other people are doing and I think you’ll find that they are just well within the realm of their age.