Has your spouse ever ticked you off? I don’t know anyone who can honestly answer “no” to that question. We are all human and being angry (or getting someone else angry) is about as normal as it gets. It’s part of the human experience. But, as you probably know, the people you love most have the greatest capacity to get under your skin. And nothing can make your skin crawl as much as when your spouse ticks you off.

In this article:

1. Take a time-out
2. Separate your actions from your emotions
3. See the Opportunity

3 Things You Should Do When Your Spouse Ticks You Off

Is there something wrong with getting angry with your spouse? Not at all. Anger is a natural and healthy human emotion. Typically we feel anger because we feel like something has happened that just isn’t fair. I know it sounds so basic, but it’s true. We get angry because our spouse doesn’t help with the chores. We get angry because we think our spouse is having an affair. We get angry because our spouse did something they said they would never do. We get angry because our spouse isn’t supporting our dreams in the way we’d like. No matter how you slice it, it’s usually about some type of perceived injustice.

So in our angry moments, can we just flip out on our spouse to get the anger out of our systems? I don’t think so. I mean sure, flipping out may serve as a release and give you momentary satisfaction, but flipping out rarely brings you any closer to resolving the anger you feel and it definitely does nothing for your relationship.

By now you are probably wondering, so what do I do when my spouse ticks me off? Here are a few suggestions that may help. They aren’t easy fixes so don’t think of them that way. Rather, these are healthy ways to help you manage your anger and defuse a potentially ugly situation. I hope they help.

Take a Time-Out

Do you know why some people give their kids time-outs? Because a time-out gives them an opportunity to calm down and reflect after making a bad judgment call. When you feel like you are angry with your spouse, your best bet is to take some time to calm down and reflect on what your anger is really about. This doesn’t mean you should let your anger stew for a week while your spouse remains in the dark. It just means you should take a moment to breathe, pray and get your mind right before you make your next move.

Separate Action from Your Emotions

Just because you are fuming doesn’t mean you can throw stuff, destroy things and do whatever you want. Your anger is not a free pass to act like a fool (although I know it can be tempting). Letting emotions direct your actions can lead to a lot of regret. Give yourself time to process the anger before you make a decision about how to act on it. You have the right to feel what you feel, but it does not give you the right to do anything you want to do.

See the Opportunity

I know this may sound crazy, but when your spouse ticks you off, it’s actually an opportunity to improve your relationship. Getting ticked off usually means there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed. Don’t brush it under the rug. Use this moment as a chance to calmly address why you are ticked off and determine what can change to help improve the quality of your relationship. Anger is actually the emotion that is most often used as an agent of change, so go for it.

BMWK Family, what do you do when your spouse ticks you off?

Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on March 17, 2015. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.

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