Sometimes having a disagreement with your spouse is awkward. There’s hurt feelings and emotions are high. Things are said out of anger causing even more confusion and misunderstandings.
Arguing is stressful, sometimes consuming our minds and altering our character. I am pretty sure it isn’t in alignment with the goals most couples establish for their relationship. However, they are inevitable. Two people living in the same space, juggling life together are going to disagree.
Maybe you’ll argue about the family budget. Or, perhaps it will be something concerning the raising of the children. What if it’s the way your partner talks to you that causes the biggest challenge?
Whatever the reason, know that there is a way to disagree and still have a sense of peace and calm. Every fight doesn’t have to end with you and your partner in separate parts of the house seething and planning ways to get even.
Although your marriage may have become accustom to this behavior, it’s never too late to do something different. There are surefire ways to make your disagreement less uncomfortable.
The simple definition of argument, and it is simple, is a discussion involving differing points of view. How it becomes so much more than that, has everything to do with the two people involved. Love might make it a little harder, but it’s still the same definition.
The reality, when you disagree, is you and your partner have different perspectives on the same topic. You may be wondering why can’t your spouse just see things your way. The marriage would be much easier if they did, right? It’s a valid question. But you probably wouldn’t have married them if they didn’t seem to have a mind of their own. It may have been one of the behaviors that drew you in.
What if, instead of being angered by your spouse’s behavior, when it differs from your own, you spent some time exploring their perspective.
What if you took into consideration how they were brought up? Was this mode of thinking commonplace in their childhood home? Do your partner’s parents seem to have similar beliefs on this topic?
What if you thought about all the ways your spouse’s position on the disagreement makes complete sense to him/her. Have you noticed anything in the past that confirms they would have this opinion on this current disagreement? Are you really surprised they may feel the way they do? Usually couples tend to disagree about the same issues, so it isn’t always a shock that your spouse would have that opinion.
An argument isn’t the end of the world, but an opportunity to learn and love your spouse even better.
What if you were to look even further into your spouse’s perspective? Do you think they are disagreeing with you to hurt you? Do you think their love for you has changed? Probably not, right? You should easily come to the conclusion that your love isn’t affected because you can’t see eye to eye on this one subject. They may just have very strong emotions tied to what they’re feeling.
What if, just because you were able to look at things from your partner’s point of view, you were able to create solutions together? Wouldn’t that be a much healthier way to disagree?
So much happens when couples argue. Sometimes they lose sight of how to disagree and protect the relationship at the same time. It is possible. If we were to take into consideration our partner’s angle on our relationship challenges more often, we may find ourselves on the same page more frequently. An argument isn’t the end of the world, but an opportunity to learn and love your spouse even better.
BMWK, how often do you look at the disagreements in your relationship from your spouse’s perspective? What have you found?