Arguing with your spouse can be good for your health??? Come again!
Now, if you are anything like me, or should I say the old me, then ladies, we know, judging strictly by feelings, arguing with your husband is good for your health if you win and bad for your health if you lost.
The winner has a sense of accomplishment and feels great about the “victory.” The person who lost is emotionally defeated and angry. Actually, an argument with a winner and loser is unhealthy for both spouses.
Arguing is healthy if both husband and wife benefit from the argument.
Studies have shown that arguing can have serious physical effects. A study of 3,682 couples discovered that when women gave up and gave in during arguments with their husbands, they risked being four times more likely to die than women who knew how to argue toward a productive result.
Men, on the other hand, chance getting serious health conditions like high blood pressure, coronary artery disease and type two diabetes from repeated unproductive arguing.
So, is there any kind of arguing that is good for you? Sometimes, we feel better after an argument with our spouse because we finally spoke our “peace.” We feel a sense of release because we know that the other spouse knows where we stand and the ball is now in his or her court.
But arguing is a lot more than swatting a ball back and forth on the marital tennis court. Arguing can either strengthen a marriage or tear it apart. Arguing is healthy if both husband and wife benefit from the argument. There should be no winner and loser, no victor and victim. Healthy arguing allows each person to learn more about the other and to integrate that new knowledge into their marriage.
Relationship Benefit #1 – Arguing lets you discover something you didn’t know about your spouse.
Maybe you never realized that your husband hates it when you keep getting up to do chores while the two of you are supposed to be watching a TV together. Or perhaps you found out that the reason your wife doesn’t like you going out with the guys is because her father did it constantly.
Healthy arguing opens your eyes to sensitive areas from the other spouse’s perspective. By adjusting your future words, actions, and attitudes to take these into consideration, you can make your lives together easier and your marriage stronger.
Relationship Benefit #2 – Arguing clears the air.
If you stay focused on the issue instead of attacking the other spouse, the problem can be addressed and settled without either party feeling attacked. This kind of healthy arguing deals with the situations that inevitably surface yet protects each spouse by being logical and problem-oriented instead of emotional and person-oriented.
Relationship Benefit #3 – Arguing gives you a chance to validate the other spouse.
The wrong way to argue is to tear down the other spouse so that you and your argument can rise to the top. Repeated blows to the other spouse’s sense of worth could raise the risk that he or she could later become physically ill from the non-stop stress.
Instead, at the beginning of your argument, and during it, remind the other spouse of how well they handled similar situations in the past, of their ability to make smart decisions, and any other coping quality he or she has that relates to the issue so that you are building up one another’s self-esteem while you are pointing out what you desire to be changed.
This lets your arguing partner know that you value him or her as a person and their right to an opinion while encouraging him or her to respect your right to disagree.
Finishing an argument with both parties agreeing, or agreeing to disagree, is healthy. Believe it or not, this kind of arguing has the following HEALTH BENEFITS:
- Reduces blood pressure and the chances of a heart attack
- Calms emotions, restoring an atmosphere of peace and flexibility
- Decreases cortisol levels (the stress hormone), which contribute to a breakdown of immunity and trigger numerous illnesses
- Increases serotonin (a neurotransmitter in our brains) giving us a feeling of happiness and contentment
- Deepens our relationship with our spouse by letting us understand the reasons behind that spouses behavior and attitude.
So, arguing is good for our health if we argue with the above intentions—dealing with the problem and not attacking your spouse. Arguing with negative emotions up front, and our logic and common sense left behind, sets the stage for an emotional showdown that accomplishes nothing. It damages the other spouse and hurts us as well along with the marriage.
Both the process of arguing and the resolutions are health-promoting activities for both spouses and the overall health of the marriage as long as both spouses “fight fair” then all is won in love and basketball!
BMWK, what kind of arguing are you doing?
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