Life, family, work, bills, and all of the other things that occupy space in your world can sometimes make it easy to become checked out of your marriage. Once it feels like one spouse has checked out, the other is soon to follow. That’s why it is important to recognize the signs that your marriage could be in trouble and put in the work to make sure you and your spouse are both checked back in and can actually stay there.
Has Your Spouse Checked Out of Your Marriage? 5 Ways to Win Them Back
In This Article:
- What Being Checked Out of Your Marriage Looks Like
- Tip #1: Understand the “Check Out”
- Tip #2: Give Your Spouse a Break
- Tip #3: Start Over and Date Your Spouse Again
- Tip #4: Turn Your Spouse On
- Tip #5: Check In Frequently
What Being Checked Out of Your Marriage Looks Like
Being checked out, for either you or your spouse is about the actions you see or the lack thereof. You will know if your spouse has checked out of your marriage by paying attention to their behavior and how it may have changed. If what you saw and fell in love with in the beginning of your marriage is completely non-existent now, take note. If the effort they used to put into the relationship is now absent and it seems your partner has absolutely no interest in bringing it back, pay attention. And if the spark you use to have for one another has dwindled, get ready to take action. These are just a few of the signs you want to monitor as it might mean your partner has in fact checked out of your marriage. However, don’t worry because there are ways to win them back.
Tip #1 Understand the “Check Out”
Prior to your spouse being checked out of your marriage there was likely some sort of trigger that was the culprit. Here’s where strong communication comes into play. Of course you can ask outright what caused your partner to become disengaged. During this conversation, your spouse might need time to vent about their needs and what they feel might be missing from your relationship. Allow them to flow with their thoughts and emotions. It is their moment and it’s important that you don’t push back or challenge them on how they feel; your job here is to listen. Once they have shared, ask them for what they think a solution might be for getting them checked back in. Another option, if you don’t want to ask or if you have a spouse who doesn’t typically open up, is to be open about your own experience in the marriage. If they are struggling, you likely are too. Be honest about that, but also have some ideas about the solutions. Again, having a conversation about why the check out happened will help to bring ideas for how you can get your marriage back to a happy place.
Tip #2: Give Your Spouse a Break
A couple’s home and the inside of their marriage should, more often than not, feel like a sanctuary, an escape from the world. When it doesn’t, you can find yourself checked out of your marriage and so can your partner. Create a space and moments in your marriage where your spouse can catch a break. As humans we need space to just be and breathe and not worry about anything. This space should be a nag-free zone and one where your partner doesn’t have to take on the needs of everyone else, if just for a moment. They should have a space and time where they can make themselves a priority. You can help your partner create this space by encouraging them to take up a hobby and allowing them alone time when they need it.
Tip #3 Start Over and Date Your Spouse Again
Remember the beginning of your relationship? I bet it was amazing. There were likely butterflies in your stomach every time you talked. You took the time to woo your future spouse and vice versa and I am sure you made time to date and get to know each other. You were surely the best versions of yourselves. Whatever it was that you did in the beginning, bring those behaviors back into the marriage. Start over and date your spouse again. Ask them out like you did in the beginning. Since life sometimes changes people, take the time to get to know who your spouse is now, especially now that time has passed and their wants and needs have changed. Reintroduce yourself and start your relationship over with a clean slate.
Tip #4 Turn Your Spouse On
If your spouse has checked out of your marriage because their needs aren’t being met, it’s time to turn them on, again. It’s so easy to relax in a marriage. But couples must remember that initial attraction and continue to invest in that. If you want to be attracted to your spouse and continue to desire them, they likely want to feel the same about you. Do what you have to in order to keep your spouse attracted to you. Put some thought into how you show up around them, physically, emotionally, and with the energy you bring; make it all attractive. Again, think about who you were in the beginning of the relationship, and what you did to keep your partner interested, physically, and start doing that. It is never too late to start turning your spouse on again.
Tip #5 Check In Frequently
Once you have won your spouse back from being checked out of your marriage, you now have to work at maintaining it. Make frequent check-ins a normal part of your marriage. Either monthly or quarterly, schedule time with your spouse to unpack your marriage. Take a temperature check of both yours and your partner’s feelings about the relationship. Are both of your needs being met? Are you keeping the attraction and physical intimacy alive and well? Do you both do what is needed to make sure neither of you are checked out of your marriage? These are a few of the questions you want to consider when you are checking in with your spouse. Remember, this is an opportunity to make sure your marriage is where it needs to be and can actually stay strong, healthy, and happy.
Again, if you want to win your spouse back and re-energize your marriage, you have to first understand how the check out happened, give your spouse a break, date your spouse again, keep turning them on, and check in frequently.
BMWK, how do you ensure your spouse isn’t becoming checked out of your marriage?