Okay, sometimes women can be overly sensitive, a little dramatic, and somewhat impulsive. These all make it a bit of a challenge to raise a concern and communicate with their men.
It’s true, we don’t always make it easy; but in order to strengthen our relationships, have peace in the home, and create a marriage that actually feels good, men will have to brave their concerns and approach us anyway.
A marriage doesn’t work without effective communication.
From discussions around managing the household to having more intimacy, couples should feel comfortable having a conversation and creating solutions together.
Husbands, in order to accomplish that goal, here are a few suggestions on how to talk to your wife about anything:
Determine the outcome you’d like, first.
Think about why you’re bringing up this topic and what you hope happens as a result of the discussion.
Would you like her to:
- change a specific behavior?
- Have more sex with you?
- Or do you just want to feel comfortable coming to her?
Know the goal and share it with her.
Consider your timing.
Pay attention to her mood as well as your own. Knowing the right time to talk is going to be critical for having a healthy dialogue. If she’s in a bad mood, extremely tired, or just received some bad news, this may not be the appropriate time to have a difficult discussion.
Remember body language and energy are everything.
Sitting down, hands in lap, great eye contact, and a calm tone are the most effective ways to communicate. If you come at her all wrong, believe me, she’ll return the favor.
Be vulnerable.
Don’t get caught up in those stereotypes of what a man should or shouldn’t do.
It’s okay to say you’re hurting and it’s okay to get emotional.
Your marriage should be a safe space where anything you feel is acceptable. Be sincere and speak from your heart. Remember, your truth is your truth, whether she’s ready to receive it or not.
Don’t let her out-talk or outwit you.
Women are crafty and we can occasionally find a way to take over a conversation and make it all about us. It’s okay, to stop her.
Just kindly remind her what the purpose of the current conversation is and keep her focused. Remind her this is your concern and she can raise any others at another time. That is both fair and appropriate.
Avoid certain phrases.
Using more “I” statements always leads to the most productive talks.
Use phrases like:
- “I feel”
- “I think”
- “I want”
These will minimize the chance that your wife comes out swinging. You want to make sure she doesn’t feel like she has to defend herself.
A few to stay clear of include:
- “You always”
- “You never”
- “You need to”
Touch her while you communicate.
Touch can sometimes alter moods, decrease anger, and create positive energy. Holding her hand, gently touching her cheek, or even rubbing her back can all help to calm the situation and make it easier for her to listen attentively.
Remember, this is your relationship too and you have to take a genuine interest in what happens to it. Great communication will always be essential to a healthy partnership.
BMWK, what have you found to be effective when talking to your spouse?
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