Generosity. It’s a word that needs no introduction. Usually, it’s attached to some form of financial capability. How much money do we give to charity? Do we pick up the tab when out with friends? How much money do we drop in the homeless man’s bucket? However, the fact that generosity encompasses more than finance is not lost on those in love. Strong marriages are built by generous people. But there are times when we tend to limit our generosity. Telling you to be generous when things are all good with you and your mate is easy. But what about the times when life, and your spouse, rub you the wrong way?
Generosity in Marriage: 3 Ways to Outgive Your Spouse
- When you’re too tired to take another step, be generous.
- Even though you’re upset, be generous.
- As temperatures rise in the bedroom, be generous.
So, yes. When times are good, generosity overflows. It’s easy to bring flowers home when there’s money in the bank. Serving breakfast in bed is no big deal after a good night’s rest. When your spouse is showering you with praise, it’s easy to shower them with love. But a marriage rich in generosity goes beyond the good times. In fact, those muscles are stretched when things get tough and we still choose to give.
Generosity when you’re tired
You’ve had a long day at work and are simply exhausted. All you want to do is go home and chill. You want to stretch your legs, watch your favorite show, and escape the grind. But waiting at home is the person you promised to love for life. When your love is fresh, you can’t wait to get home and cuddle with your Boo. But familiarity breeds contempt, which is kissing cousins with selfishness. In order to outgive your spouse, you must not let selfishness have a place in your marriage.
As difficult as it may be, when you walk through the door, greet your mate with a kiss. There’s nothing like a warm greeting to soothe away the troubles of the day. Offering up a smile and a hug costs nothing. You may not be able to cook a fancy dinner that night. But a kind and generous spirit will leave your spouse full and your relationship solid. It also opens up an opportunity for enriching and encouraging conversation with your partner. If the time is right, offer to share your spouse’s burden. And, on the flip side, share what’s on your heart. Being generous when you’re weary may not be easy, but I guarantee it’s well worth it.
Generosity when you’re angry
This is a tough one. When you’re angry, not only is it selfish, but it’s just easier to do stupid stuff and say stupid stuff. It really doesn’t matter what it is that made you angry. It could be something simple, like leaving the toilet seat up. Or it might be something major, like spending the mortgage money on a pair of shoes. Whatever it is, your blood is boiling and you’re in no mood to keep your tongue in check. Filtering your words, well, that’s for generous folks. And when you’re angry, you’re in no mood to be generous.
However, if you will allow me some Biblical latitude, Ephesians 4:26 instructs us as follows: “In your anger, do not sin.” When reading that scripture, many people stop there. Generosity, however, reads on. It says, “do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” What in the world? Needless to say, all of that is easier said than done. But if you care about your partner, a generous heart helps you do it. Consider the long term ramifications of just flying off the handle. So rather than being ruled by unchecked emotions, allow generosity to cool the fire.
You may need to wait an hour or two in order to calm yourself down. You may need to talk to a friend to get yourself in the right headspace. But once you’ve done that, let generosity rule the moment. Give your spouse a safe space to share their point of view. I don’t want to imply that everything will be resolved right away. But being generous in these moments keeps you from walking your relationship off the cliff.
Generosity in the bedroom
Whether times are good or bad in a relationship, chances are, you’re having sex. Well, let me put it this way. If times are good, you’re making love. If times are bad, you’re having sex. In those moments, your main concern is getting your needs met. Interestingly, regardless of how healthy the relationship is, the selfish spouse gets in, gets out, and gets on with life. Sadly, when intimacy spirals downward, it attempts to take the whole relationship with it. So, what’s the fix?
What gives your wife pleasure? When you’re generous, you ensure that her pleasure starts way before you hit the bedroom. What turns your man on? Generosity might mean lingerie and a lap dance. Making love makes relationships strong, plain and simple. Now, I get that every sexual encounter with your spouse won’t get the big production. But even the quickie takes forethought and benefits from foreplay. And regardless of where you are, in the bedroom, in the kitchen, or at the office, when the temperatures begin to rise, generosity makes sure your spouse is satisfied…and first.
The best marriages feed off of generous behavior. But, like anything done well, generosity takes practice. Maybe your marriage needs a fighting chance. Or maybe you’re just making deposits to your relationship bank. Whatever the case, be generous with your spouse and have the full, rich union you desire.