The typical everyday stressors of relationships can be challenging enough for both partners, but add to the mix a layoff or firing and all hell can break loose in a family who doesn’t have a strong foundation to begin with. In every life a little rain must fall, and in every marriage there at some point, will be an obstacle to overcome. Some couples are prepared, and pull out all of the necessary tools and equipment needed to win the battle. Unfortunately, others get stuck and aren’t quite sure what to do next.
My layoff, a few years ago, is still fresh on my mind. I remember, after receiving the upsetting news from management, quickly grabbing my belongings and rushing out of the building to call my husband. I remember walking aimlessly up and down the block with tears streaming down my face. I felt like such a failure. Although my husband’s income was greater than mine, our family still relied on two incomes, and here I was unable to contribute my half. The negative thoughts overwhelmed me, until my husband came immediately to comfort me. His attitude toward my unemployment calmed all my fears and concerns. I was unemployed for a full year before landing my dream job. But my family made it through and we came out even stronger. If you are currently in this situation, please stay encouraged. It will turn around. Below are the do’s and don’t for couples dealing with unemployment:
Don’t Place Blame. The unemployed spouse feels guilty enough and really doesn’t need their partner pointing fingers or blaming them for something they didn’t want to happen either. This is the perfect time to be more united than ever.
Don’t belittle. Making your partner feel less than is the worst thing you can do during this time. Feelings of inadequacy are already very present. Use this time to encourage and praise your spouse for holding down the home front and managing the household.
Don’t highlight the negative. Pointing out what you don’t have, or events you are unable to attend due to the lack of finances is painful for your spouse. Putting yourself in their shoes allows you to view the situation from their perspective. Treat him/her the way you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed.
Do pray over your marriage, partner and finances. Praying together as a couple and allowing God to take the lead is the number one priority.
Don’t be too ashamed to ask other prayer warriors to add you to their list.
Do get creative. This is the perfect opportunity to think outside the box. Creating low-cost date nights and meals can be a lot of fun. Researching quick cheap meals, online movie options like Netflix and Redbox will definitely save you money.
Do encourage. Self-doubt surely surfaces during unemployment. Remember your spouse needs to know that you still believe in him/her. Tell them often just how great they are and how the next job is right around the corner. Be prepared to assist with resume writing, interview prep and follow up. You believe you can do anything when you have a loving spouse in your corner.
Do budget carefully. Be realistic about your finances and the fact cuts will need to be made. Honest conversations must be had with the children. They need to understand the changes that will have to take place to ensure everyone is on the same page.
Do count all the other blessings. Consider all of the other things in life right now to be grateful for like family, love and great health!
Remember your spouse will not be unemployed forever. Although it is a struggle, remember, your spouse needs you in their corner now more than ever.
BMWK, are you dealing with unemployment? How are you handling it?
Asia says
(To unemployed husbands) Do- Help out more around the house even if this was not your role prior to unfortunate unemployment. Be willing to put your ego aside and role reverse when necessary to keep the family fully functional.
Tiya Sumter says
Great point Asia!
Shea says
It works both ways. The spouse that’s unemployed needs to help out in other ways to ease the stress on the employed spouse.
Anonymous says
Good point, Shea…
Kirstin (aka The Travelin Diva) says
I would like to add: “Don’t keep bringing it up!” Tell them something they don’t know. I have a friend whose husband was laid off after she returned to work after being laid off and it was if she had forgotten how her husband carried the load for 2 years when she was laid off. She kept bringing up his being laid off and not being able to find something on her time table. Be more considerate remember your spouse didn’t choose to be laid off!”
Tiya Sumter says
Absolutely Kirstin! Maybe you can remind of her of that.
PR Brown says
I’ve been there before. The ride home to tell my wife that I was no longer employed was the longest ride ever, but her understanding meant a lot to me
Guest says
My husband (family) went through a layoff this yr as well. He was the main provider while I stayed at home. Me and my husband prayed in advance about his job. We trusted God that He would protect us from or through any lay off. I had encouraged my husband to go back to school for his MBA yrs ago. He finished his MBA this yr, then 6 months later he was laid off at his job. It was hard on me but my husband seem to remain so calm. His faith carried our family through. He kept telling me not to worry. A week later after being laid off, he was told there was an internal supervisor position at the job. Long story short He got the job over every one else. I tell you God was working all along. He never forsakes His own. I do believe that we should be praying over all our circumstances in advance. If the outcome turns out the way you may not have planned, may the Lords peace be with you. My husbands faith sure kept us strong. Where we are weak is made strong…(2 Cor 12:9,10)
Tiya Sumter says
God was also moving in our situation. You are absolutely correct, GOD will always see you through.
Robert Trujillo says
Wow, I’m not married. But this positive, loving, and analytical way of thinking through a problem which is hard is super relevant as a dad and as someone whos been in a relationship before.
Tiya Sumter says
Thanks Robert for your comment.
Mrs Thomas says
The unemployed spouse also have to do their part. You’re not working due to unforeseen circumstances BUT sitting on your behind all day like there’s nothing that needs to be done, playing video games and/or watching tv, creating a mess in the house and leaving it for the working spouse is the quickest way to marital discord. Ask me how I know….
Tiya Sumter says
Agreed.
Mrs. W says
Prayer helps you get through the entire process and without it things will and can get out of control. It made my family look deeper at our finances and cutting back a lot, but no matter what we in this together. Have faith that God will bring you through your situation and he will provide!
Unemployed spouses have just as much responsibility at home as the Employed spouse at work. Don’t let household work become neglected because you now have “free time” if not productive this will cause issues. Be supportive in any way you can!
Tiya Sumter says
Well Said Mrs. W!
Ellen O J says
I am going through this right now. In fact I have been going through this for about 2 years. My spouse was injured at work, lost his job and up until last week Monday, had not worked. When disability was coming in, things were manageable. Then when unemployment came in…I felt like, okay, we need to look at this thing. Now almost 2 years later…I am working 7 days a week most weeks (my full time perm job, and a seasonal turned permanent part time job), I am stressed out and I am tired. I am on anti-depressants. He is on anti-depressants. Unemployment has ended…bills are being paid late. I am borrowing from my family. I have almost fully depleted my 401k. I have depleted my savings. I mean something has got to give. I pray, I know God has got us, I don’t fret because God has allowed us to STILL be living in doors, I have not one but two jobs…and prayerfully…my husband will be able to stand on his own two feet again really soon. I have done all of these things…but as time continues…it becomes very very difficult to keep it up.
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says
Ellen, I am sorry to hear if your challenges. I can understand how your feelings if stress and frustration. I will also be in prayer for you. I also hope that you have a circle of support or just a shoulder you can lean in during this time. Having a safe place/space to release and renew is going to be helpful. You have to take care of yourself
Torre says
We’re going through this now, I lost my job due to illness. It’s been a year and a few months, it’s very difficult. I’m praying and staying hopefully, but..
Torre says
We’re going through this now, I lost my job due to illness. It’s been a year and a few months, it’s very difficult. I’m praying and staying hopeful, but..