Why can’t holy matrimony be peaches and cream all the time? All we really want is to be happy, right? So, why is it such a challenge to maintain the love, joy and peace we desire, consistently? Of course we can blame our partners, or that damn job that stresses us out, and even our parents, if we choose. But when it’s all said and done, we’re usually the sole owner of the unhappiness we may be experiencing.

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Believe it or not, we have more control over what brings about the joy in our relationship than we think. Here are a few areas where we are surrendering our control and experiencing the most frustration.

Comparing your relationship

Comparing your relationship to someone else’s usually has a negative impact on you and your partner. Sometimes we question why our love relationships can’t “look” like the couples we admire. Remember, we never know what that couple is like behind closed doors.

Your marriage is just that, your marriage.

It’s not supposed to look like anyone else’s. It includes two unique individuals. We must be grateful for what we do have and work on what we don’t like.

Judging your spouse unfairly

Judging your spouse unfairly is where a lot of couples ignite the conflict in their partnership. I find that couples don’t spend enough quality time communicating. We take for granted the time needed in truly connecting with our mates.

• Ask questions
• Pay attention
• Don’t make assumptions

The clearer you are on your partner’s needs, pet peeves and communication style, the stronger your relationship will be overall.  

Being afraid to ask for what you want

The fear of asking for what you want is another huge struggle for many couples. Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to rock the boat, because things are good enough. Well it’s time out for mediocre marriages. Who wants to be in a marriage unfulfilled? There are loving ways to inform your partner of your desires, but you have to be willing to be open.

Seeking ways to fix your relationship solo

Two individuals make up a couple. Therefore both people have to be involved in creating solutions regarding that relationship. You don’t have to be superman or superwoman, carrying the relationship burdens on your shoulder. Share with your partner what you’re feeling and ask for their assistance in repairing it.

Expecting your spouse to be the owner of your happiness

This won’t work. That is just too much responsibility for one person. Marriage should compliment your happiness, not create it. We must remove the unrealistic expectations we place on our partners. It’s stressful to them and can be disappointing for us when it becomes impossible for them to deliver. You should be bringing a sense of peace, self-love, and your own joy to your marriage.

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Can you imagine how strong our partnerships would be if each of us took full responsibility for our thoughts, behaviors and happiness? The frustrations we experience in our marriages are usually created by our own way of thinking. Once we eliminate some of that stinking thinking, our relationships will surely blossom.

BMWK, what factors have contributed to the frustrations in your marriage?