I rang in the new year with horrid sinus issues, so I took advantage of the holiday and spent most of it in bed. I decided to call it an early night and get some rest, since my husband seemed to have everything under control downstairs with the kids.
I had just turned out the light in our bedroom when my husband shooed the kids upstairs to get changed for bedtime. And where did they go? No, not their bedroom, but my bedroom of course.
I was peeved that I had to get up and assist them because my husband decided he needed to stay downstairs and watch the last two minutes of the football game.
I was all set to throw some serious sarcasm his way when I took a moment to pause. What would my bad attitude accomplish? Since I had been sick, he had effectively been with the kids all day, cleaned up by himself, washed dishes AND made a finger-lickin’ good dinner.
So now he wanted to watch football. Okay.
I got up, sniffled a bit and put the kids to bed. He came upstairs a few minutes later and joined me in the bedtime routine. I didn’t say anything to him and everything was fine.
It was a nice reminder that we can’t always expect our spouse to do everything the way we would do it and that as long as they’re trying their best, it’s good for us to simply appreciate their effort. Yes, I would have liked for him to make sure the kids didn’t disturb me while I tried to rest, but he kept them out of my hair for the majority of the day. It was nothing to get all bent out of shape about.
Cutting each other some slack is one of the best things we can do for each other. It keeps us calm, strengthens our appreciation, and encourages our spouse to cut us some slack on those days when we’re not quite on top of our game.
So how do you do this?
- Pause before you complain. Is your complaining constructive or are you just venting? Yes, you should let your partner know how you feel, but if your goal is just to make them feel bad for wronging you, then just hush.
- Remind yourself of your spouse’s good intentions and past good deeds. Chances are good that your spouse didn’t do whatever is making you angry on purpose. Remember that you two are a team and it doesn’t appear that you think very highly of your relationship if you’re accusing your spouse of treating you poorly “just because.”
- Evaluate any miscommunication. Were you clear with your expectations? Maybe not.
BMWK, are you good at cutting your spouse some slack? How could you improve?
Shavon Robinson says
This is definitely something I’m working on fr 2012, Thanks for the reminder
Mrs. Crawford says
Beautiful…we are all human–to have peace in your home you can’t bring up every thing that is not to your standard. Grace goes a long way. Great article to help marriages start the new year off right and kudos to you for starting yours with PEACE in your home :o)
Cicinspireme says
Love this Tara! Thanks so much for sharing this! We all need a reminder to give each other some slack because we need it too!
~Be inspired!
nurse2012 says
I do very much understand the sentiment of your piece, but in my life, I’d never get that sort of reciprocation. In the reverse, there’s NO WAY he’d actually get up and do bedtime, after I’d done everything else all day. He’d holler for me and I’d put them to bed. If I were the one sick though, he’d have let them come in on me all day. Yeah he’d make them hotdogs and “keep them” for me, but no housekeeping, no actual cooking and after the kid’s had been jumping all over me and the bed for a while, he’d holler for them to “let mommy sleep.” He’d certainly let me get up and put them to bed, and would not come up to help either. I’m becoming very resentful so i’ll end my tirade here.
KGB says
This is truly something that I need to work on because I feel like I do EVERYTHING and take care of EVERYTHING and the least he can do are the things that are expected without me having to remind him all the time. Doing so does not make it feel like a team effort.
Feezpaid says
Thank you SO much! This came in the nick of time! I have to file this one away because its hard to remember and even harder to put in practice.
Theejacksons says
Sigh….Thanks….needed this…TODAY! Love this site…even the butt kick it delivers.
OAS says
I have to work on this more!
renaslove says
I completely understand nurse2012. My question might go deeper. What if you are already doing that and you cut him some slack but then when you try to confront him about calmly he says, well why didn’t you say anything before. What do you do then.