By Edward C. Lee
This time of year, especially this Valentine’s weekend there is going to be a lot of, “I Love You’s” floating around in the air. What a great time to be married, and “in love”! In conjunction with the flowers, candy, the romantic weekend getaways, and grown up stuff amongst married folks, etc…Valentine’s Day is also a good time to celebrate and examine the depths of the love you give and receive.
I was in enough relationships before meeting the love of my life to know that not everyone defines love the same way. As I get older and my marriage continues to develop I realize that there were some loves way back in the day that with the benefit of time and growth I can realize was not love at all.
For many we have come to see love so differently than we did as children, then teens, then early twenties and now where we are today. The ever expanding definition of love was explained to me on our wedding day by our Pastor at the time, Bishop Claude Alexander. He told us something so profound about the seasons of love in a relationship, as he shared these words with us, “The love that got you to the altar, is not the love that will carry you forward in your marriage.” He then went on to explain as he compared the changing seasons of love to the space shuttle. There is a force that propels the shuttle into outer space, and you see all the rocket boosters firing and the smoke and feel the rumbling of the engines. Then when the shuttle gets into outer space the same engines that got the shuttle to the outer atmosphere fall away and it is a different, quieter, but yet essential power source that keeps the shuttle afloat in outer space.
That is what love is like in our relationships. It was passion, physical attraction, fire, hope, dreams and expectations that got us to the altar. However, what sustains a marriage is a different, persistent, consistent, quiet expression of love. As the intensity of our physical passions may fluctuate over time our love still grows. In order to keep expressing the depths of my love in my marriage, I have found it necessary to define what love is – to me. So then, here is my personal definition of what love is:
– Love waits patiently for my spouse to grow and develop as she waits patiently for me to do the same.
– Love is kind, when I can justify being unkind.
– Love is not jealous of the gifts and talents of my wife, but rather welcomes all that my wife has to offer.
– Love does not brag about the bills that I pay, the money I earn, or whose name is on the deed – It’s ours.
– Love does not cause me to be arrogant about all that I have done for my family, I do what I do, because of love.
– Love is not provoked to love because of what was done for me. Rather I choose to love – everyday.
– Love does not make a list of what has been done to me. So I forgive you, I love you, let’s move on.
– Love does not allow me to rejoice when bad things happen.
– Love fuels me to be happy when I see a smile on my wife’s face.
– Love bears the weight of life’s challenges. While it sometimes, bends, love never breaks.
– Love pushes me to maintain an enduring hope that the best days of my marriage are in front of me.
This is the personal definition of what love is that has fueled me during different seasons of marriage. Some will recognize the source of my definition as a reshaped recollection of what is commonly called The Love Chapter in the Bible (I Cor. 13:4-7). It is a definition that has at times chastised me, at other times it has challenged my behavior toward my wife and at all times kept me in love with my wife.
So how about you, BMWK family, this Valentine’s Weekend, how are you defining your love to the love of your life?
Happy Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!
Edward is an Ordained Minister, host of the blog: elevateyourmarriage.com and Author of two first of their kind marriage books, Husbands, Wives, God: Introducing the Marriages of the Bible to Your Marriage and his new book, Husbands, Wives, God – Weekly Devotions: 52 Weeks of Relationship Enriching Devotions. Follow Edward on his blog or on Facebook at Husbands, Wives, God.
EPayne says
“What got you here, won’t get you there…” A profound post, Mr. Lee. Consideration and patience is how I will be defining/utilizing my love.
EPayne says
“What got you here, won’t get you there…” A profound post, Mr. Lee. Consideration and patience is how I will be defining/utilizing my love.
Michellesingh32 says
Love it!!! ( teary eyes).. speechless..
Ronnie_BMWK says
Love is unconditional… he loves me regardless of what is going on..and I do the same.
april says
What a wonderful article….love it.
Tiya says
Love this. 1 Corinthians 13 is my husband’s favorite scripture. He uses those passages as a guide to how he performs in our marriage. Love is giving without expecting anything in return, with no strings attached.
Jaclynbrwn says
“I chose to love…” well said. As we grow older, the love intensifies exceedingly and abundantly above all I could have ever imagined. I am so loving my marriage!!
Jaclynbrwn says
“I chose to love…” well said. As we grow older, the love intensifies exceedingly and abundantly above all I could have ever imagined. I am so loving my marriage!!
Lvnnlfe says
This was awesome!
Lovebabz says
As I contemplate love and marriage for a second go-round… I remain ever hopeful by posts such as yours. Thank you for sharing.