When I got married I was not very familiar with the idea of creating a list for what I wanted in a mate. It was clear to me the qualities that the man I married needed to have. I actually enjoy hearing people share their lists. Some are very detailed and get into the specifics of height and skin complexion. Others go beyond the surface and touch on the values and morals needed in their future spouse.
My list, apparently, was all in my head and was formulated by what I experienced in the relationships around me. While I didn’t have it written out, I was sure of what I didn’t want in a man. My mental listing included a man who was honest, wouldn’t cheat on me, respected me and made me laugh. Unfortunately, before I married, I was young and hadn’t developed a real relationship with God, so a man who was led by God was not initially on that list. I am grateful that God still knew what was best for me.
During my dating phase I could always recognize the type of guy to hold on to and the one that was just for fun. For the most part, I think the majority of us who have dated know who the good catches are. Sometimes we hold on tight to them and occasionally we throw them back in a search for something different, and regret it later. And whether our list is on paper or in our head, we know the qualities that make for a great spouse. Some of us choose to discount those qualities or hope that a certain person would develop them at some point. If we aren’t careful, we can easily overlook a wonderful mate because our eyes are set on the perfect person who actually matches a (sometimes unrealistic) list. We must keep in mind, we all have imperfections.
If I ever were to develop a list of what I desired in a mate, it would definitely include the qualities my husband possesses. I want a man who loves God and acts accordingly and one who is always respectful, patient, gentle, loving and giving. Of course in order to attract the person on any list we create, we must first be all of those things as well.
BMWK, did you have a list and does your spouse match that list?
Rosemary says
I did have a list, and I shared it with my friends. I was thrilled when I met my husband and realized right away that he was a very high match for nearly everything on my list. (Later it dawned on me that the friend who introduced us had recognized him as a match for my list, and brought us together for that very reason.) My list was very much influenced by my previous relationship experiences. All these years later, if for some reason I found myself in need of a list again, it would be somewhat different, because my wants and needs are different now, and it would be influenced by what I’ve learned from a long marriage.
Tiya says
Rosemary,
That is so awesome that your husband matched your list. It is much easier to create that list, when you know what you don’t want.
Adams Amantama says
“I was young and hadn’t developed a real relationship with God, so a man who was led by God was not initially on that list. I am grateful that God still knew what was best for me.” I Love this confession it touch my heart coz not that i don’t no what i want buh all i kip asking GOD for is the the Bone of my Bone as ordained by he himself GOD.
Tiya says
Adams Amantama,
And GOD will send you who is the best fit. Trust Him
Niambi says
My list is only about the character of the man. I stopped focusing on what he looks like on the outside and instead focused on who he is on the inside which matters most to me.
Tiya says
Amen!
Keiana says
I’m not married yet. However, my list seems to go back and forth in substance… For example, I wanted an honest man. But since most people lie for no good reason these days, let’s just hope for a man that won’t lie about the important things. Another example – I want a man who can clean and cook, but now i realize that I just want someone who is willing to make me dinner, if he has time, and tidy up after himself… because I want to be appreciated for MY cooking as the WOMAN of the house, and I don’t want to “mother” anyone about household chores….. One thing is for sure though – the list gets shorter once you realize your own strength and devotion to God, and your own ability to love and forgive. A considerate friend who loves us is all we need at the end of the day.
Tiya says
I think expecting a mate who is honest is a realistic request. Hold on to that one. The others can be negotiable.
Towmeah says
I wanted an older man that wanted children. I married someone who had children. I love him and didn’t want to lose him again
Tawana says
Yes I had a list and my husband fit it to T. I always had a list prior to meeting my husband, and was fortunate when I found someone who fit it. Having a list is a not a bad thing, and found many people do not believe in list. Friends would say drop the list, or it’s never going to work, and they could not be more wrong. I believed in the philosophy that there is somebody for everybody, and it truly is. Settling was not an option, it does not work. When I found my spouse, and discovered that he was everything I wished for, I was the happiest I ever been in a dating relationship. You have more peace of mind, less worry, and can be a happy and productive marriage. I will be honest a person meeting your list does not go without fault, just realize there is no perfect person, just finding someone who’s fautl you can deal with.
Tiya says
Great point!
April says
I did make a list of the qualities I wanted in my next husband because my first marriage failed. Either of us knew what we truly wanted and u can’t expect somone to make you happy if you don’t know What makes you happy. I think you should have the things that are most important to you at the top and the things you are willing to compromised at the bottom. Also you have stick to it, no matter what! You can change the list because the person you’re with doesn’t fit it. It worked for me and my husband and I have been together for 7 years. He completes me…No we complete each other!
Tiya says
April,
I agree. You must know what truly makes you happy!