Back in my day (like I’m really that old), the most embarrassing thing our parents could do was whoop us and have our friends find out about it. Even so, word might of spread of our disciplining locally but it stayed local. In today’s world if a child gets disciplined in Eustis, FL (the tiny town I grew up in), it can instantly be streamed to every computer, phone, and tablet.
Back in February, father Tommy Jordan posted a video on his daughters Facebook page about his displeasure he had with a post his daughter made on Facebook in which she used choice language and called her parents lazy. The video culminated with him putting nine bullets in his daughter’s laptop. The video instantly went viral online and to date has been viewed over 31 million times on YouTube.[View video]
Michael Bell Sr’s son came home with 3 F’s on his report card. He’s making him stand on a street corner every day during spring break with a sign that reads, “Hey, I want to be a class clown. Is it wrong?” on the front and “I’m in the 7th grade and got 3 F’s. Blow your horn if there’s something wrong with that.” The story was picked up by local stations and video of it has made its way to YouTube with over 16,000 views to date. Bell Sr says he’s doing it because he cares about his son and doesn’t want him to become a statistic.[View video]
After Danaka Walker’s daughter was caught stealing a T-Shirt, Walker made her wear a shirt that reads, “Hide your money. Hide your clothes. Hide everything. ‘Cuz I’m A Thief.'” [Read story]
I can think back to another story from last year of an uncle who spank his nephew and posted it online because of his nephew’s alleged gang involvement. Many people applauded the uncle’s efforts but many critics accused the uncle of everything from poor parenting to child abuse. Sadly, 11 months after the video went viral, the teen in the video Michael Taylor was found shot dead near his home. Critics again said that the video, which was created with good intentions, probably caused the teen to rebel even further.
Veronica Wells of madamenoire.com wrote,
You remember how hard it was being a teenager, how image was everything, how we spent excessive time and energy trying to appear cool. What do you think a video of you getting your behind tore up would do for your image?
Now, consider the fact that Michael was a young, black male already involved with gangs! For the better part of this year he was defined by a video so detrimental to his image and self-confidence. If anything, this downright embarrassing video probably propelled him even deeper into a life of crime, trying to prove his strength and street credibility.
I’m not in anyway questioning their parenting or disciplining methods. My question is does having these stories and videos on the internet do more harm than good? These stories will now forever be a part of these kids identity. What’s going to happen when the girl from the third example goes to apply for a job? Every employer will know that she was once caught stealing and that X-amount of people know about it. While these kids will hopefully learn their lessons, the ramifications of having their punishment shared across the globe will last for years, maybe even a lifetime.
BMWK readers, we’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
I agree that it will follow them and become a part of their existence. Children go through a lot during their teen years, without the help of their parents. I understand the lessons that are being taught, but now that it’s on the web, like everything else, I believe this will also become a competition. Parents all over will watch these videos and read these stories and ultimately try to come up with something even more creative that tops the last thing posted.
I’ve always said that no parent has had a practice period where they could give parenting a test run before actually starting a family. People have to jump into parenting, grabbing advice from other parents and books. Many people think about their own childhoods and either use or weed out things they’ve experienced.
Not that the parents mentioned in the post were taking discipline too far, they just probably didn’t think of the long lasting effects of it.
I think the punishment has to fit the crime. In the Tommy Jordan case, the daughters’ “crime” was on the internet. The discipline was rightly on the internet. It is a shame that the whole world is now privvy to their exchange, but such is the nature of the internet. In the other cases, those signs don’t fit the cirme. A class clown craves attention, and shame does not get anyone to do something on a daily basis (like studying). Posting a spanking, or even spanking a teenager in my opinion, is at the very least useless, and more likely abusive. the time to spank, if there is a time, is when they are small.
This is a new day, and parents are using new technology to deal with old behaviors.
I LOVE the mom who made her thieving daughter where a t-shirt that told the world what she had done. What you do in the dark will come to light. The goal, I gather, is to embarrass the child so much she’ll go straight.
The parents seem to be at their wits end, and like another commenter said, they are using the same tools that their children used to commit the “offenses”: You’re going to use this technology to commit an offense/take advantage of someone/cause harm, then I’m going to use it to teach you a lesson.
It is extremely unfortunate that the young man died, no one can or should assume what caused his death. And, it’s pretty safe to say that rationalizing with a gang-banger is as less effective as spanking. Many young men died on the daily from gang-activity without family embarrassment.
When my daughter was in elementary school, she had a horrible habit of lying to impress others. How’d I combat it? When I arrived at school and the other children ran to me to confirm my daughter’s fantastic tale, I’d look them in the eye and at her directly and in front of anyone who’d listen, I’d say, “No, that isn’t true.” The kids would howl, “We knew it!” My daughter was so embarrassed. I told her, I can’t support your lying, if I did, it would hurt you in the future. She had no idea what I was talking about, but I can report, although initially embarrassed, she stopped lying.
As a parent of 3 boys, I discipline the “old fashion way” and my oldest is just fine at 21 years old. In response to the comments that the embarrasment of the discipline could follow them for a long time, well that’s the point since their actions/behavior that got them in trouble could follow them for a long time. Isn’t that the point? We have to teach our kids (and young people in general) that their actions have consequences that can last for a long time sometimes even until they die. Since the laws changed and said people couldn’t discipline their children (and I am not talking about abuse), the violence among teens has increased. Regardless of people’s opinions, I will continue to raise my sons the way I always have and by the way — it still works. This is no jab at anyone who posted comments on this article, but it would be interesting to know how many are actually parents and how many have no children at all.
As far as the girl whose dad embarrassed her on Facebook, she got what she dished out. She embarassed her parents publically, so guess what? She gets a taste of her own medicine publically. I bet she won’t do it again.