By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Did you know a magazine existed (currently on newsstands) called “Divorce Magazine”? Well, I had no idea. Imagine my surprise as I am leaving the grocery store and there it was ready to be grabbed; and it was free. I wondered how much could be said about divorce that warranted an entire magazine. I don’t doubt that going through a divorce is one of the most difficult life transitions a person can experience, but my immediate reaction was “Where is the Marriage magazine?” was my immediate reaction.
As I skimmed through the articles, extras and resources in this publication, I imagined how each could easily be applied to marriage.
The Articles:
One of the articles suggested goal setting and the creation of mission statements to act as a guide through the process of divorce. The main idea was to focus on inspirational thinking and not get stuck in negativity. Marriages also benefit greatly from this type of planning. Couples can create statements together and review them at least once a year to make sure they are putting into practice the goals they deemed as important in the mission statement.
Another article presented ideas on preparing for the changes life normally takes during and or after a divorce. Well, in marriage life changes such as illness, loss of a job, or changes in finances threaten the strength of our unions. Having a plan in place helps to successfully navigate through many of those roadblocks.
Yet another article focused on the most common divorce questions. Married folks need a safe place to ask those tough questions that often surface in our relationships.
The article that stood out to me the most was one on how to deal with anger. Yes, there is anger when a person’s heart is broken and they feel like they may have failed in their marriage. But frequently there is anger in marriages also, when one disagrees, or doesn’t know how to handle disappointment. So it’s important to take inventory of those feelings and deal with them in a healthy manner.
The Extras:
Even the extras and the events listed in this publication were insightful and easily transferable to a marriage.
A quick quiz on a financial health check up can and should be applied to the lives of the married on a daily basis.
Some of the courses and seminars listed were focused on providing resources for women. I am sure I don’t have to sell you on the ideas of workshops and events geared toward building a healthy marriage. The benefits include leaving with new ideas on improving your marriage and gaining a positive energy that comes from being in the midst of other couples who have similar goals.
The Resources:
The professionals listed in this publication of course were lawyers, mediators, accountants and therapists. With the exception of the lawyer all of the professionals listed above can not only help during divorce, but also assist in helping couples build a successful marriage. A basic internet search revealed few magazines totally geared toward marriage and I have yet to see many on the newsstands in my neighborhood.
To have all this information in one resource on a monthly or quarterly basis could change and save 100’s of marriages. Had there been more marriage related magazines there more than likely wouldn’t be that big of a need for a divorce magazine.
BMWK, what would you like to see in a marriage magazine?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
Discussion King says
Everything.
Things that worked and things that didn’t work. It’s great to have couples be transparent. It would possibly help us be more transparent with ourselves.
Tonya C. says
I agree. When we discuss our marriage, we try not to sugarcoat. People need to know the work that went into all the love that they see.
Trimese says
So agree….and if the Marriage magazine was provided for FREE I believe that would help this country shift is focus to working at keeping our marriages together instead of focusing on divorce. I applaud this website and other Marriage ministries that I am a part of–but now that you have written this article I realize that all the websites, newsletters & publications that I receive to edify my marriage I had to SEEK THEM OUT….while on the other hand free publications about divorce are readily available at the end of the checkout line in the grocery store. I would like to see transparency from couples at all stages of marriage, focused articles and tips for blended families and the many issues that exists in a marriage with the addition of a constant outside party (the child(rens) other parent), and specifically articles that are written by men to address the issues that men rarely have an outlet to discuss.
Reggie Williams says
The idea of a divorce magazine, front and center and free does not surprise me. Negativity always stands boldly front and center – drug dealers on a corner, prostitute strolling the streets, coverage about divorce rather than stories of successful every day couples in major publications, the lead story on your 5, 6, 10 & 11 o’clolck news, and ignorant characters on stupid shows like Basketball Knives and Housewives of whoever.
Achievement and high standards must always be sought out. For those who seek it out and submit themselves to the teachings excel, but unfortunately too many folks are lazy, will not be transparent with self and will not seek out the teachings and if by chance they have someone to guide them alone the correct path, oftentimes will not submit to the teachings, but instead will pick up the freebie Divorce mag and latch on like mortar to that advice.
http://www.ruleyourwife316.com.
Reggie Williams says
Oh yeah, this is why BMWK is such a God send site. It provides weekly hope and inspiration for marriage in the A.A. community.
D. James Rice says
People seem to be more interested in someones misfortune than they are when someone is doing good. It’s due to envy. As Humans we don’t want to see anyone happier than us.
ManWifeDog says
As a newlywed, it’s so depressing to think of a divorce magazine at all. BUT, when that’s the healthy choice I always support it. No one should be stuck in a bad situation. Very curious how well a magazine like that does/will do.
Martha says
Hello Tiya and every one, this is the co-owner of Divorce Magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine.com.
Tiya, I love your line “As I skimmed through the articles, extras and resources in this publication, I imagined how each could easily be applied to marriage.” I have often told people that some of the advice in Divorce Magazine is good for a lot of relationships.
You are right, divorce is one of the most difficult times and a lot of people need help. Divorce magazine and http://www.DivorceMagazine were created 15 years ago by my husband (then boy friend) after he separated. Back then, he found no books, or articles or support group to help him out. So, he decided to to publish Divorce Magazine. Thousands of articles and FAQs are available on the website for free. Our mission is for divorce to be peaceful and compassionate.
Where is “Marriage Magazine”? Good question. I think there have been a lot of books, articles in magazines and online on how to have good relationships. More so than on how to cope with a divorce or live a satisfying life afterwards. When you get married, you have a huge support system: bridesmaids, friends and family members, and people who hardly know you will call and congratulate you. But when you separate or divorce, it is a much more lonely process. Friends and family members who don’t know what to say will simply not call.
I support a Marriage Magazine too. This could help to wake some people up to the fact that marriage is not about the wedding. Perhaps those who spend a lot of emphasis on the wedding or the wedding day could spend more time on learning about how to have a marriage that will last for 60 years… and that parenting is a life long experience that is more complicated then learning how to change diapers.
Tiya says
Hello Martha,
Thank you for comment, I truly appreciate your feedback. I imagine that divorce is a very difficult process and I had never considered how lonely a person may be who is going through a divorce. It was great to hear your point of view. I totally agree with your comment ” Perhaps those who spend a lot of emphasis on the wedding or the wedding day could spend more time on learning about how to have a marriage that will last for 60 years… and that parenting is a life long experience that is more complicated then learning how to change diapers.” I will be advocating for that marriage magazine too.
Linda Wolfgram says
There is a magazine dedicated exclusively to marriage. Check us out at marriagemagazine.org.
Martha says
You are welcome Tiya.
For any one who comes and asks us a bout divorce, we always ask if this is the last option, have to explored other options. Divorce is a lot of work with a lot of consequences. It is not a decision for any one but those involved to make or judge because we don’t know someone else’s situation. For me, if I can offer compassion and support to aid the decision (whichever way it goes) and the process if that’s the final decision, then healthier relationships in the future has been made possible.
Martha says
You are welcome Tiya.
For any one who comes and asks us a bout divorce, we always ask if this is the last option, have to explored other options. Divorce is a lot of work with a lot of consequences. It is not a decision for any one but those involved to make or judge because we don’t know someone else’s situation. For me, if I can offer compassion and support to aid the decision (whichever way it goes) and the process if that’s the final decision, then healthier relationships in the future has been made possible.