After blessing us last year with a few posts on her journey to the altar, writer and cultural critic Jonesi is back with a guest post for you to enjoy. Check it out!
by Jonesi
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions regarding love, relationships and marriage. Standards even. But while reading the article, “What Black Men Think (When They Think About Women)”, in the latest issue of a popular black magazine, I was shocked and appalled by the advice given by a married man in a group discussion. When asked, “Do black women REALLY get black men?”, it was this response that left me speechless:
“I went to undergrad down in Nashville, Tennessee State. A brother down there told me something that I now quote to my peers, my students: “Don’t ever marry a woman who doesn’t have a father, because she has no clue how to treat a man. I mean, you can say culture, you can say race, but you still can’t get with a woman who doesn’t know fatherhood.”
I initially wanted to dismiss this as another isolated and sensationalized commentary given to add some sort of shock value. I was proven wrong when the exact same comment was uttered in my presence.
Having no idea I was still silently mulling over what I just read the week before, I sat quietly. Hurt and unable to find the words to defend myself nor others who haplessly struggle with “daddy issues” certainly no fault of our own. And I was concerned this young man had no idea how problematic and destructive this mentality would be to his future relationships and is to our community.
I sat there fuming but more so self-conscious; wondering what this meant wholistically about millions of black women….and unfortunately those to come.
I’m more than aware of the void left from being raised without a father in the home and the inevitable baggage most of us carry. Though many of us strive to productively unload various issues in our daily lives, we also desire to build futures and legacies with a partner that won’t knowingly “add” to past disappointments of primarily emotional neglect. But is that the problem? Yearning not to relive a scarring script?
That’s where my resentment set in. Plenty of women grow up in dysfunctional, two-parent homes internally harmed and confused about real love. Yet those of us who didn’t have been typecast and deemed “unfit” as ideal marriage material. Our existence, a sobering majority and societal trend, has been stamped with a disclaimer. A warning sign. Beware!
Is it naive to long for men to feel “I can show her what she hasn’t seen, be an example of what she deserves, and create an example that will not only transform her thinking but (strive to) solidify a new foundation for women – girls – to reference for the future.”
Is this problematic when especially a married man who is aware of not only the problem and seemingly cognizant of the solution feels the ultimate resolution is not to step up to the plate but penalize, demonize and further generalize said woman for existing in the unavoidable state of her “unfortunate” reality?
BMWK family have you heard this quote before? Is this statement justified? Are women who grew up without a dad poor marriage material?
Jonesi is a newlywed, cultural critic and writer.
Ive never heard it before and if I had, I’d be very upset.
First, it’s not a black issue, though our black families have a disproportionate number of dysfunction and brokenness about them. I’m a middle school principal and see the effects of absent fathers have on all kinds of children. Second, it not necessarily lack of father but of father figure. Husbands are charged with covering the family with protection, planning, provision, progress, guidance and love. Without this covering, the family gets sniped at and picked off one by one. Girls who grow up without this covering, normally develop a combination of the following characteristics; rebelliousness, disobedience, promiscuity, over-independence, lack of resilience, lack of submission, lack of planning. This is especially true if molestation occurred when covering should have occurred. A husband of such a woman will take on way too much and will likely wear out from having to be husband, daddy, psychologist, mentor, provider, protector, lover, etc, to her
I AGREE WITH YOU.
I agree with this statement and I disagree too, Simply because we as women have to play that role in a relationship as well to so some men, as far as being wife,mother, psychologist, mentor, provider, protector, planner, lover, and etc., etc, to him! Why, because he didn’t grow up with his father in the home.. With that being said most men like this don’t know how to conversate with a “strong women” without feeling intimidated therefore their tone is always high, like they are in discipline mode. I DON’T NEED THAT (Father figure), I need a husband… strong Godly man that knows how to lead without asking me a million questions, Then submission won’t be as terrible as it sounds!
Well said. It’s interesting how critical and trashing the world is towards the epidemic of abuse and neglect of girls and women – once again blaming the victim/survivors rather than addressing the root cause because it’s easier to target the weaker party. Is this what Christ taught or did? No. It is not. Not even close.
Society shames the girl or woman who is a “victim” and then double shame the strength she developed to survive. How disgusting and abusive for society to join in the system of abuse and in no way is this being a Christ follower.
No. But I wouldn’t loose too much sleep about this. There are plenty of useless opinions floating around.
I have never heard it. I did not have a live-in or the best earthly father, but Thank God I have a Heavenly Father, happily married 8 years. I do think a man should take a woman’s relationship with God into consideration before marrying a woman.
There is no such thing as the “perfect” childhood and if that’s the case what about the man without a father. He did not see an example of how to be a husband and father. Does that disqualify him from marriage?
I’ve heard if before, by Black men young and old alike, and I find the sentiment insulting and short-sighted. I was raised in an “intact” family and I faced many obstacles and issues in my relationships with Black men, and could easily say that the reason is because many of them had not been raised with a father in the home.
It works both ways– if a Black womand doesn’t know how to treat a Black man because that relationship hasn’t been modeled for her, the same can be said for Black men not knowing how to treat Black women.
That argument is simplistic and doesn’t get to the core of the issues regarding relationships, roles, sexuality and respect that Black women and Black men must discuss when navigating a relationship.
In my opinon, any man that is that simplistic about a subject as important and complex as courtship and marriage should get out of the dating pool for all of our sakes.
I have never heard this statement, and if I had I would simply refer the person to my happily married husband. You see, my father did not rear me; however I had a village of my mother’s husband, brothers, and uncles who accepted his position.
This is just further demonizing of the black female. It is another reason for us to seem undesirable to people of other races, and our own as well. When will the demonizing of black women end? What more negativity can people conjure up against us to make us seem less desirable, less mateable, less marriable? It makes one wonder, “Why the constant attack on the black woman?” What is it that we possess that others fear to the point where scientist have to conjure up “proof” of our unattractiveness and society has to label us undeserving of every good thing that women of other races are “rightfully” enjoying? Why must they convince the black male that their women counterparts are not right or good for them? We need to build the black family, plain and simple.
This is just further demonizing of the black female. It is another reason for us to seem undesirable to people of other races, and our own as well. When will the demonizing of black women end? What more negativity can people conjure up against us to make us seem less desirable, less mateable, less marriable? It makes one wonder, “Why the constant attack on the black woman?” What is it that we possess that others fear to the point where scientist have to conjure up “proof” of our unattractiveness and society has to label us undeserving of every good thing that women of other races are “rightfully” enjoying? Why must they convince the black male that their women counterparts are not right or good for them? We need to build the black family, plain and simple.
Sakinah, please relax; this is not “further demonizing’ the ‘black female’…to make her ‘undesirable to people of other races (?!!)’ who said anything about unattractiveness?
Keep it together sistah…
When she mentioned attractiveness, she’s referring to a recent psuedo-scientific article claiming that black women are the least attractive of all women. I bears note to mention because it seems like there is a concerted attack to minimize the value of black women, which I have seen more and more (black women are the least likely to get married, Michelle Obama is ugly, etc.). This takes on many forms, from diminishing our beauty or disqualifying us for healthy, happy relationships because of our life situations. Let’s be honest everything about a person contributes to their perceived attractiveness for relationships. Its disturbing!
I have yet to meet a “fatherless” woman who did not bring those demons into every relationship she has with a man. I think the statement is a cautionary one in that men dating those women can not solve those problems and will in many cases feel the negative effects of that father’s absence. Most often those women feel all men can not be trusted. Others’ expectations of men are built on fairy tales. Of course neither is fair. That said, we all have some baggage in one form or another. It’s all in how two people can deal with this one. I don’t the statement inherently blames the woman.
Not really buying the generalized info in your first sentence. Also, I guess the reverse of this that I’ve heard is never get involved with a guy who has “mommy” issues. I guess the propaganda spins both ways. None of it is particularly helpful.
Maybe the correct “cautionary” advice would be better geared towards women who grew up in fatherless homes who have not yet dealt with these issues. There is a big difference between someone who understands how their past contributes to the vulnerabilities of their present than someone who has not confronted these issues. It may take a concerted effort on the part of some women with large wounds to heal from growing up without the covering of a male role model but these wounds can and do heal and can and do have successful relationships.
I find it far more interesting that instead of issuing such vague advice, why are these men not mentoring their peers on how to break this cycle and not father children without the greatest intent to remain in their lives no matter what! Please do your research, fathers are absent for various reasons. That is why it absolutely takes a Village to raise a child, boy or girl.
I have yet to meet a “fatherless” woman who did not bring those demons into every relationship she has with a man. I think the statement is a cautionary one in that men dating those women can not solve those problems and will in many cases feel the negative effects of that father’s absence. Most often those women feel all men can not be trusted. Others’ expectations of men are built on fairy tales. Of course neither is fair. That said, we all have some baggage in one form or another. It’s all in how two people can deal with this one. I don’t the statement inherently blames the woman.
I actually believe that opposite – Don’t ever marry a man who does not have a father because he has NO CLUE what successful marriage looks like, nor how to be a father to his children. There are so many men out there without real fathers in their lives. Women whithout fathers are natuarally nuturing so they tend to do well with their men. Men on the other hand – not so much!
I have heard this statement and honestly out of my small group of friends the ones from two parent households have had the best success in relationships in marriage. While I realize that my observations are hardly indicative of a general trend I do believe that it’s easier for people to “carry-out” what they learned as children. I don’t really see how this statement is an attack against the black woman as all black women are not a result of single-parent households.
Its not a direct attack but since this applies to far too many black women it comes across as such.
I wouldn’t pay this statement very much attention. To be truthful about it, if this was the case then what about the men who were raised without a father in the home? Also what about those of us who raised children, sons and daughters without a mother in the home? In the absence of a father, some brothers, uncles and the village have helped develop greeter women than imaginable. This has always been in the parents heart, the parents spirit and the belief in what they want for that daughter. As this is my opinion, so was the optic, just an opinion.
Great comment!
Ho-Ly-Smokes! What a doozy! I grew up with no father, was raised the 1st half of my life by an abusive alchoholic grandmother and the 2nd half by alchoholic mother, and oh yeah, in the “hood”. I have not been overly promiscuous, I am not an alchoholic and I have a super strong work ethic and moral values. I’ve never heard that statement but I’m so tired of these types of-whoa is the black woman who didn’t have a daddy, was abused and grew up poor-mentalities that have us judged before we even get a chance to speak. I learned what a father is NOT and what kind of person I do not want to be, as well as my life’s partner. I’ve waited 36 years to have a child so that I can make sure that he/she (I’m pregnant now and want the surprise!) is well taken care of by both parents. And last but not least, the man that I chose will vouch that I’m slow to argue, quick to apologize, do NOT like drama, can keep a clean house AND make sure that he is well taken care of on my worst days!! For anyone who grew up and had it a little rough-make your own way and don’t let ANYONE say what you are before you tell them yourself!!!
Good stuff Clblackwell….
I think that the men who say that, think that and/or believe that …really do not want to ever get married. I grew up with a father who was physically in the home…but emotionally not there…at times, growing up I often thought that we would’ve been off if he hadn’t been…I have since forgiven him for everything we went through…but I had ‘daddy issues”…and yes I didn’t know how to deal with men…but I’ll tell you why the males I should say that say that are clueless…because they are writing off numerous women from single parent homes/two parent dysfunctional homes like mine, with the mindset that there is no room for change and transformation… Since I returned to the church…I learned what God design a man to be…and I learned what a Father’s love should be like …and all those issues that I had put on me because of my childhood …I am getting healing from…but the thing about is …I have a man that was patient with me…and let me transform at my pace…and gave me room to do it…he didn’t knock me down for having childhood issues….he just encouraged me to get past them…so that’s why i changed it from ‘men’ to males because that is the thinking of males…men know better…there’s no such thing as perfection…and furthermore…women have been dealing with men/males for years that don’t have a clue about women….and we haven’t written them off???
Those of us that are married carry a certain level of presumed credibility in the advice we give and must be cognizant of what discussions we take part in when expressing our views. At the end of the day we’ve secured what we hope to be life partners. Allow others to obtain theirs and work to build a solid, sound foundation that suits them. We have a duty to encourage others not to preemptively flee but desire to work through whatever it is – within reason and safe boundaries – to reestablish a new platform that allows black couples to happily coexist. Rather than shun, change the past and curse by marrying a “fatherless woman” and being an outstanding husband (and father if applicable) instead.
Wow! Is a good word to use for this statement. I have never heard of it. I’m pro-marriage, it doesn’t matter the person’s upbringing. Because you can get two people that were both raised fatherless and they could connect in away, I wouldn’t understand considering I had both parents. In the end, marrying a fatherless women beats out a mother raising fatherless kids. So, why shouldn’t they get married. To me this comment is suggesting that a fatherless woman should carry out a generational curse place upon her family. How unfair is that? Any Christian would want those curses broken. Just as long has that woman has the love of God in heart, she can learn how to apply that same love to her husband.
I think there are a lot of “cautionary statements we heard growing up. (or at least I did). Like -” Watch how a man treats his mother because that’s how he will treat you….Look at who a person hangs around and that will show you there character.” This to me is just another one to add to the list. Valid…maybe. Useless…perhaps. Bottom line we all have baggage/issues, how we deal with them shows our character. Get to know the individual first.
I just heard this comment for the first time recently while talking to a male friend about relationships. It really struck me that he would say that, and I greatly respect this man intellectually. We had a gentle debate as I wanted to understand his mindset. But on the other hand, I kind of took it with a grain of salt as he is a male that did grow up with his father, how could he really understand what that kind of childhood would have been like. He may be basing off his own observations in failed relationships, but as some have mentioned before, any person can have issues no matter their household makeup. You just have to take the time to get to know someone on a person by person basis, not on generalized statements.
One last quick thing…it really gets me how quickly black men jump on the bandwagon of generalizations and stereotypes regarding black women. But anytime they experience any type of racial or stereotypical behavior against themselves, they want to raise cain.
The opinion of the gentleman in the article is one I had never heard before. I grew up up without my father being an active participant in my life and I think my husband would disagree with that man’s statement. I think that in this day and age our issues as women are much deeper than just absent fathers. God’s wisdom is infinite and we need to accept that He knew what we needed and what we didn’t need. Every man is not equipped to raise a strong competent young woman. I believe we’d have an entirely different set of issues if more of us were raised by the men our mothers chose to conceive with.
I’m a darn good wife and that is in spite of any issue I may have had with my dad. It’s the grace of God and His wisdom and a close relationship with Him that keep my marriage alive and thriving not a good relationship with my dad.
The opinion of the gentleman in the article is one I had never heard before. I grew up up without my father being an active participant in my life and I think my husband would disagree with that man’s statement. I think that in this day and age our issues as women are much deeper than just absent fathers. God’s wisdom is infinite and we need to accept that He knew what we needed and what we didn’t need. Every man is not equipped to raise a strong competent young woman. I believe we’d have an entirely different set of issues if more of us were raised by the men our mothers chose to conceive with.
I’m a darn good wife and that is in spite of any issue I may have had with my dad. It’s the grace of God and His wisdom and a close relationship with Him that keep my marriage alive and thriving not a good relationship with my dad.
I had never heard this quote before, but I am not surprised to hear it. Unfortunately, it is based in ignorance, and almost surely comes from a man who didn’t have a father who was a good husband. Such a comment speaks to the dysfunctional state of many relationships that are the fruit of “fatherless homes.”
This opening statement is compounded by the conclusion “… because she has no clue how to treat a man.” If the man making this statement really understood marriage, he would reference the need to “know how to treat a husband.” There is a BIG DIFFERENCE.
I would conclude that a man making such a statement doesn’t know how to be a caring , loving, supporting husband. The outcome a man achieves in a marriage has more to do with how he treats his wife than the status of her father. Think about this quote from Pygmalion, by George Bernard Shaw:”The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.”
MY ADVICE TO ANY BROTHER HEARING THIS ADVICE WOULD BE TO AVOID SUCH A MAN LIKE THE PLAGUE. HE IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN THE ADVICE HE IS OFFERING.
Find a brother who knows something about an enduring relationship with his wife, and seek better advice. If you don’t know such a person, contact me at [email protected].
Beautiful wisdom in alignment with Christ’s teachings. Thank you.
In the broken nest. there are no unbroken eggs. While I would never say never, IMO the point of the comment we need to focus on is that when there are not 2 parents in the home the children do suffer.
I know, I know, there are plenty examples of tremendous success stories coming from single parents and that is true. But what is good and what is best are 2 different things. So my focus is not on the actual comment but on what it sugggests about the plight of the black family in America.
No father at home or father at home, a more accurate statement to make would be to “make sure you examine a prospective mate’s entire family, because you are not just marrying that person but any and all baggage that person brings into a relationship (and we all come with baggage).
Is it possible to find a great mate with no father or mother in the home? Of course it is. Is it better for our society if we had healthy marriages with both parents at home? Of course it is!!
Jim and Teresa Adams have been married for 26 years, they have 4 children and work as Marriage, Parenting, and Relationship coaches. You can visit them at https://www.FamilyMattersFirst.org.
Are we to assume that these same black men that have adopted this mantra actually grew up with fathers themselves? I’m amazed at how often the blame for unproductive and unsuccessful relationships within the African-American community is cast at the feet of the black woman. At what point is the black man also responsible, and is it perhaps that black men are also lacking in key, specific, identifiable areas that significantly contribute to the dismal state of the black family?
And what if I, as a black woman, decided to respond to such statements in a tit-for-tat manner, wielding my own castigations? I would say things such as…
“Never marry a black man who has children but has never been married.”
“Never marry a black man who’s been to prison.”
“Never marry a black man who doesn’t have a college degree.”
or, more appropriately, “Never marry a black man who has issues with black women”, or more specifically, “…his black mother!”
If we start this game, there’ll be no more black couples.
Last but not least, are we to assume that everyone who grew up in a two-parent home grew up in a healthy functional environment? That’s a long conversation in itself.
Personally, I think that the moment a black man allows those words to slip out of his mouth is the moment he is no longer a legitimate, viable prospect and no longer worthy of my interests.
To my black sistas out there…stop getting offended and be with a man who’ll celebrate you…regardless of his skin color.
I have been trying for more than a week not to read this post, because of the title. But it keeps popping up everywhere I look. This statement about marrying a woman without a father was told to me more than once before I got married. And I honestly had vowed before I even met my wife that I would not marry a woman that did not have a father in her life.
So what I say, I live – everyday! I wouldnt say never marry them but I would revise the statement and the caution it carries this way, “Understand”, what you are marrying and thoroughly discuss and mutually grasp, perspective differences as a result of BOTH of your “families of origin”. It has taken years and we still are working at understanding roles of a husband and wife as a result of coming from different places..
I grew up with my parents and I still have a great relationship with them, my wife did not so at times she crosses into things that in my perspective belong to a father. I used to and…sometimes still do blow up and feel disrespected for her stealing my role. But I have to remember she never saw a father operate in a family. So I had to change my approach and be more compassionate and expressive about how it makes me feel. In time we have defined boundaries and comfort zones for our marriage not based on our perspective from our parents.
I have been trying for more than a week not to read this post, because of the title. But it keeps popping up everywhere I look. This statement about marrying a woman without a father was told to me more than once before I got married. And I honestly had vowed before I even met my wife that I would not marry a woman that did not have a father in her life.
So what I say, I live – everyday! I wouldnt say never marry them but I would revise the statement and the caution it carries this way, “Understand”, what you are marrying and thoroughly discuss and mutually grasp, perspective differences as a result of BOTH of your “families of origin”. It has taken years and we still are working at understanding roles of a husband and wife as a result of coming from different places..
I grew up with my parents and I still have a great relationship with them, my wife did not so at times she crosses into things that in my perspective belong to a father. I used to and…sometimes still do blow up and feel disrespected for her stealing my role. But I have to remember she never saw a father operate in a family. So I had to change my approach and be more compassionate and expressive about how it makes me feel. In time we have defined boundaries and comfort zones for our marriage not based on our perspective from our parents.
I have been trying for more than a week not to read this post, because of the title. But it keeps popping up everywhere I look. This statement about marrying a woman without a father was told to me more than once before I got married. And I honestly had vowed before I even met my wife that I would not marry a woman that did not have a father in her life.
So what I say, I live – everyday! I wouldnt say never marry them but I would revise the statement and the caution it carries this way, “Understand”, what you are marrying and thoroughly discuss and mutually grasp, perspective differences as a result of BOTH of your “families of origin”. It has taken years and we still are working at understanding roles of a husband and wife as a result of coming from different places..
I grew up with my parents and I still have a great relationship with them, my wife did not so at times she crosses into things that in my perspective belong to a father. I used to and…sometimes still do blow up and feel disrespected for her stealing my role. But I have to remember she never saw a father operate in a family. So I had to change my approach and be more compassionate and expressive about how it makes me feel. In time we have defined boundaries and comfort zones for our marriage not based on our perspective from our parents.
The bible clearly states in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:14. “else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.” The word unclean is translated as “:impure” and holy means “blameless.” Now if we can stop for a minute and look at that in our everyday lives both parents bring some type of teaching to their children when it comes to the their future relationship with their future spouse. For instance a father supposed to be an example to his children on how a woman is supposed to be loved. Vice-versa the mother is supposed to be an example on how to treat a man. These examples are for both genders in the household to provide an example to the children. If baby girl sees daddy bringing mommy some flowers to show his love to her, baby girl will eventually once older see that men are supposed to be a “man” when it comes to a relationship not with a smooth line but a sincere heart. On the other hand If mommy shows the support towards daddy and baby girl sees it even when the lights are being turned off, she will then realize that her vows at the alter does not end after “I do” but when “death truly do us part.” Yes God does heal all broke hearts/homes but if we have proper example as the bible and “Big Mommas” I believe relationships can be strengthen… u00a0
honestly I have to call bs on everybody who believes this as well as those who believe the reverse, that if a man had no father he has no idea how to be one or a good mate. the reason: my husband didnt meet his father until he was my age and I am 20. I have yet to meet my father and I also dont even know my father’s name. we BOTH were raised by only women. and guess what? we know exactly how to treat each other and we have a wonderful relationship n which we communicate well and never never argue because we r not selfish and we know how to listen. these traits are character traits that u eithet have or u dont, regardless of whether or not a man was n your home growing up. and when our son gets here he is gonna b blessed enough to see firsthand how man and wife are to treat and love each other. butjust had to dispel the myth that if u didnt have a father u would make a godawful spouse because that ish simply not true
All of your replies prove the author’s point. Like it or not, statistics prove that kids (boys and girls) raised in dual parent homes (mother and father present) grow with less character dysfuntcion and more self confidence than those raised in single parent families. Additionally, a son watches his father provide for his family, protect his family, and dislpays manhood, shows love, overcomes adversity and such, and learns from his father’s behavior. The daughter also watches and learns. The girl is made into a woman by her mother, but learns how to communicate with a man by watching her mother’s interactions with her father. The woman is the FIRST teacher to the child. It is the mother that teaches the child to respect the father. The mother provides a positive image of the father to the child in the father’s absence. Once the head of the household returns home, the words are backed up by a showing of love (by the mother) to the father. If the father has good friends (black men), then the daughter will grow with a positive perception of black men…and will be able to tell the good from the bad. I humbly submit that you must consider that there is some truth to this. A mother AND a father (both together) are best for any child. Let us not react emotionally, but lets do the research and consider the point.
Married 21 years3 daughters
1 son
A part of me can understand why he made this statement, but see it’s kind of a paradox because if a black women who was raised without benefit of a father does not know how to treat/respect a man, then couldn’t it also be deduced that a black man without a father is not marriage material because he does not know how to be a man? This is really the root cause of problems in the black community.
This is not only a black issue. It is disgusting but I have heard it before. Treating women like whores goes across all races. What if her mother was widowed? Its just a stereotype but men love stereotypes that enable them to screw women without marriage.
Growing up without a father is hard I think it also depend on the relationship u nd the mother have and I believe it does Hender a child as a female out a father I notice that I date older men who would teach me things like how to go about doing things in life who would console me when I cry and take care of me and buy me things but if some are lucky when they get older they would realize there loving a mn for all the wrong reasons and they will learn to separate what they wanted in a father from what they want In a man
I’ve never heard it before & its dumb! I’ve been fatherless all of my life but when I met my wonderful boyfriend..I didnt feel that empty space because I’ve felt that way all of my life. I feel happier,I feel at peace & now its gone. I treat my boyfriend as if he was my husband & we’ve been happy throughout our relationship and plan on getting married. I’ve had a wonderful grandfather and uncle that became my father figures. My so called “father” was man enough to make a child but wasnt man enough to raise a child after begging my mother to have me. He doesnt have any “father rights” because he doesnt live up to that title so he will not have the privilege of walking me down the aisle. Whoever came up with this can screw themselves!
Well I’m doomed then. A guy I was seeing left after I finally admitted I had a dead beat father.He judged me on something I couldnt control & wrote me off as a problem. This is why I dont open up to people. They leave as soon as they see something they dont like, even if it happened long ago or isn’t your fault. Fuck people. Don’t like cats so guess I better start collecting dogs.
It is 75% true to an extent but The answer is indifferet, but mostly based on experience in the dating world; with young men who is done dating nd now entering the stage of marriage. A man who would say this is actually an intriguing nd has a different mindset of dating particular women. Its not just a shallow thing that focuses on looks or relationship boredom. But more to a woman´s quality nd compatibility. This man probably dated women who thought all men are the same from in their early 20´s(young women), single mothers, career driven women, foreign women, never been married women, divorced women, women that resembles himself, mature women and we can even include hoes. Now for all those variety of women this man got to know, he probably notice a trend. He ask himself Could it be that these women had issues, yes. Are their worth the time, under some circumstances. To make a long story short, he came to the conclusion that these women haven’t been taught or learned how to treat a man because either they are use to getting played or no man figure ever showed them how to. I can vouch for this statement because I’ve been this situation numerous of times. The mom at home all day in the bed, food barely on the table, daddy in prison nd who is emotionally unavailable nd you got a young girl out running wild because her time is not occupied. Theres no motivators or active teachers in the household to parent this young girl. So this give her an opportunity to experience all types of things that will effect her later down the line.
This is the truth.
There is a lot of women on here butt hurt about the truth, these are the women to avoid.
Its not only Black women but ANY woman that doesn’t have a good relationship with there father will be horrible in a relationship 9 times out of 10,
The same dosen’t usually apply to men but a man not knowing his father has other issues (man training). If a man never knew his mother or has a toxic relationship with his mother then that would be the equivalent.
I dated a girl for 2 years who grew up with no dad(never met him)and a permiscuious mother. This means that her mom was messing around with guy after guy during her upbringing.
So I found out not long after dating her that she was willing to marry me and have kids with me. At the same time I was finding out that she also wanted a close relationship with her ex and EVERY FUCKING GUY SHE FOUND ATTRACTIVE! She cheated on me multiple times and I broke up with her. I got back with her and I kept giving her chances to change. She would always lie and claim that she had changed but her actions and continuous lies told another story. This hell went on until her urges were to strong and she ended up kicking me out of her apartment and started fucking other guys while still claiming she wanted a kid together.
Long story short NEVER marry a girl who grew up without a dad…..ever. don’t even date one.