They educate themselves continuously on maintaining a happy marriage.
I thank God for a site like Black and Married with Kids that has opened my eyes to so many great articles, strategies and tools to make me a better wife for my husband and vice versa. Just like most professionals need to seek continuous education (whether it’s training on the job, or certifications), we need continuous education in order to continue working on our marriage to make it better and happier. Study happy marriages, read about happy marriages, and surround yourself with people who are happy in their marriages.
They don’t compare their marriage to the Huxtables, the Carters or the Jones’.
Stop comparing your marriage to what you see, what you hear, or what you dream up in your head. There is nothing perfect about anything here on earth and that includes marriage. Marriage is what you make of it – the good, the bad and the not so great. When you learn to appreciate what you have in your own home (and not your neighbor’s), and what your spouse brings to the table, it can only lead to a happier place. You may not have all the money you want, but you have a spouse that supports, appreciates and is committed to your marriage, which is something that money can’t buy.
They learn how to have fun.
If it’s one thing that we do in my house, it’s that we laugh a lot. Now that the kids are getting older and have caught on, it can sometimes get a bit ridiculous. If the neighbors didn’t really know us, they might be concerned with all the hysterical laughter and screams that come from our house at times. I’m generally the more serious one of the two, but once I get going, it’s a wrap. When things get stressful or crazy, that means it’s time for a fun break. So create one if you don’t have it. Sometimes you just have to stop everything and simply focus on each other.
So yes, happy couples really do exist. The difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple is the dedication, commitment, respect and work that each of them puts in.
BMWK: What things can you add to this list that you observe in couples that really are happy in their marriage?
We have all this down pact except having fun together. We have different ideas of fun. His idea is watching a movie, tv or playing video games. My idea is board games, dancing, joking around or going out and exploring the town. What are some things you would suggest that we can do together?
Hi Tammy!
My husband and I are generally opposites when it comes to our ideas of fun too. But there are some things we can find common ground in. We like to go putt putt golfing, bowling, going to the movies (and the kids love these things too). Sometimes it’s playing outside. Our next thing is getting some new bikes so we can join the kids for rides around the neighborhood.
Thank you! We have things to do with the kids, we just have to find things to do with each other. Usually, I will just compromise and we will go to an early movie and go eat lunch, but I am browsing for new activities. He doesn’t mind because he LOVES (really loves lol) movies. I will suggest putt putt and bowling! Hope it works 🙂
Hi Tami (please forgive me for spelling your name wrong earlier). I think part of the adventure is finding new thighs to do together, which is what we are in the process of doing. We used to love going to comedy shows, concerts and plays so going to get back to some of that too 🙂 Good luck and I’m sure you’ll find some fun (new) things you’ll both enjoy 🙂
Yes they do. Learning to laugh is essential.
Laughter really is the best medicine Nylse! 🙂
Dear Christine. My comment might come from different point of view. I am a Catholic, an Indonesian, with so much different ways of culture, point of thinking, believs and other things.
However when it comes to marriage life, i believe that we are all the same.
We (at this case, the wife) expect to have a happy marriage life.
As my little family just started 2,5 years ago with not-yet kids around, we do have our own problems and things i called “ordinary daily obstacles” that could turn a happy smiling face in the morning to an angry and hatred face by the evening.
I totaly agree with you to say when we came to a hard communication, it is on us who can direct the situation to become a harshful talking or a comfortly and calming down exchange words.
I found it very difficult, since i myself is a person who easily to get mad and talk in high pitch, which by experiences i found it’s the other reason that make our regular talk could change to a “high-pitched argumentation”.
Thank You for sharing the basic things – that actually we knew it deeply inside our mind and heart but mostly we put it aside – and reminded us how important it is in helping us to achieve a happy marriage life.
Hi Filly,
Thanks so much for sharing and being so transparent. I can truly relate as I am definitely still a work in progress. But I’ve come a LONG way and can see how it’s affected my relationship with my husband. I’m so glad you enjoyed the article and were reminded of the basic things, as sometimes those are the things we tend to overlook.
Thank you SO much for this article. It gets so disheartening sometimes to overhear or converse with someone who does not realize that there are real and happy marriages still in existence. In this day and time people are so used to these “reality show” relationships, negative song lyrics, and absurd belief systems they so readily adapt and view as normal. That dysfunctional picture of how relationships are will keep people unhappy, lonely, and on that depressing merry-go-round forever. It makes me feel good to know there are still couples that are happy and being an example for those that still believe.
Hi Courtney, thanks so much for taking time to read and share your comment. I agree that there is a lot of emphasis on the negativity and not the positive examples of marriage that really do exist. I still have single friends so I definitely want to also encourage others to still believe, like you said 🙂
I’m really feeling this Christine! People have the hardest time believing that my wife and I are as happy as we are. It’s not that we are perfect or don’t have disagreements but the good far outweighs the bad. For some reason we want to believe the negative and discredit the positive thus the need for a great site like this one and great articles like yours!
Wow Troy, so honored as I read a LOT of your articles so thank you for commenting and also encouraging others to maintain a happy marriage. I totally agree with the need for sites like this. There’s so much negativity out there that its almost easier to believe that couples are NOT happy than when they are!
Thank you for this. This is why I love this site. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s an oasis in the desert of negativity that permeates the internet (and media in general) when it comes to relationships and marriages, particularly those between black couples.
Keep shining the light.
Hi MommiDearest, thanks so much for sharing. I totally agree with you and am so thankful to Lamar & Ronnie for this site. It truly is an “oasis in the desert of negativity”.
You’re right
Christine, you are right on it! I thought you were telling all my secrets! My husband and I have been together for some time and when we go out to functions many people think we just met, they give us 6 months in the relationship, we have been together for 13 years! It amazes us at times. How have we been together for so long and it still feels like the first day. It takes two as my mom always says! Great read Christine!
Haha Natasha thank you SO much! I love it! It def takes two and I can relate to being together for so long, but it not feeling that way, so keep it up! *Cheers to happy marriages 😉
I feel like these comments might be fake, just another marketing tactic for your blog. Better comments mean greater interest in your products. Really? Feel like the first day?
Really beautiful.You are truly gifted.Thank you.