Not every Christian home is filled with a loving happy couple. As wonderful as you are, and as much as you do for your family, your Christian husband might not be happy and you don’t even know it. Yes, he loves you. But there’s something about the way you manage the household affairs that has him wishing he was living the single life again.
4 Reasons Why Your Christian Husband Wants to Be Single Again
Now, I know you’re thinking, “How dare you!” or “That’s not my husband!” And if this doesn’t apply to you, please forgive me. I’m not intentionally accusing women in general…or you specifically…of being a bad wife. But if you’ve ever had longstanding, ongoing, reoccurring problems in your marriage, how do you know he doesn’t wish he was single again. It’s not like he’s going to tell you. He’s crazy…but not that crazy!
In this article:
- You’ve changed, but not in a good way.
- You’re too controlling.
- Living with you requires too much sacrifice.
- Sacrificial sex.
I’ve talked to hundreds of married Christian men. And I’ve seen the glimmer in their eyes, the excitement in their voice, and their expressive body language when they reminisce on those single-days back-in-the-day. And then I compare their reaction when I bring up a current marital situation that should trigger the same level of excitement.
You would be shocked to see the down-trodden reactions when talking about married-life around other men. Again…how would you know? Hopefully, these 4 reasons why your Christian husband wants to be single again will give you some clues to whether I’m talking about your husband or not.
1. You’ve Changed…But Not in a Good Way
When you first got married, it was all cupcakes and cream cheese icing. But life happened. And how you adapted and adjusted to its challenges created the person he doesn’t like. Yes, he loves you. But he doesn’t like the person you’ve become. Grant it, he might be a butt! And you are a wonderful, responsible, intelligent woman. But if there’s any contributory negligence on your part, his perception of you is likely the complete opposite.
One way to tell if your husband can’t stand you if he no longer has any filters. If he says and does whatever he wants to you and around you without regard for your feelings, your husband desires a change for the better, preferably with you, but maybe not.
2. You’re Too Controlling
Power struggles in a marriage are the fight over who controls the resources within the family. Not just money, but also time, information, rewards and punishments, and emotional drama (I’ll address this one in detail in another post). A husband, even a Christian husband, feels powerless if he is controlled by these resources instead of sharing control of them.
Now, I know you’re going to lash back at me and say, “We both control our family resources 50/50!!!!” I don’t dispute that. Nor do I dispute that your family doesn’t have its roles and responsibilities worked out perfectly. But what I do know is that some men feel that, to alleviate the emotional drama you will heap on his head, he has to give up control over some of these resources just to keep the peace. And if you wield too much control, your husband might be longing for the single life where he once controlled all his resources.
3. Living with You Requires Too Much Sacrifice
All single people know that love requires sacrifice. But it’s only during marriage that you discover you’re going to have to sacrifice something that you really like for something that you don’t care about just because your spouse wants it that way. That’s hard work to do consistently year after year. And some of your required sacrifices are too high for your husband’s sacrificial threshold. So if your man starts showing signs of cracking like withdrawal or avoidance you might want to loosen up on your sacrificial requirements. Or he might just be pondering sacrificing the marriage.
4. Sacrificial Sex
I get it. But you have to “make time” for sexual intimacy with your husband. You’ve said “no” so many times that when you do allow it to happen, he feels like it’s a sacrifice for you…and you’d rather be washing clothes or some other chore on your to-do list. Do you want to feel like you’re not desired…like sex with you is a burdensome chore? Neither does he. You should initiate sex at least once a week…or once a month depending on your frequency. That will make him feel wanted…and not wanting to leave.
So you’ve heard of the phrase “happy wife, happy life.” Do you agree with it? You probably do. Well, I don’t! Because it completely disregards the man’s wants and desires. And when you’ve changed and have become too controlling and require too much of a sacrifice, including making sex with him feel like a burdensome chore…then your man just might be looking longingly back at…and forward towards…those good-old single days.
BMWK — How can you make his married-days better than his single-days?
Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on April 4, 2014. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.