As someone who spends a lot of time on social media for both personal and professional reasons, I’ve seen my share of blunders committed by married folks on Facebook and Twitter and their blogs. While I would never blame a social network for the demise of a marriage, I will say that it can be a minefield for you and your spouse if you don’t know how to properly navigate it. Here’s a couple tips I’ve gathered after watching some couples excel and other couples flounder:
1) No airing out your dirty laundry. Sure, it might feel good to say something smart about your spouse online in the midst of a prolonged argument. But once the dust has settled you’ll feel silly or embarrassed and you might even wonder if your argument was such a big deal in the first place. But even more importantly, you’re showing cracks in your marriage that others shouldn’t be privvy to.
2) Don’t forget that online is not real life. I know a couple who got into a heated argument because the wife posted a mushy “I love my husband so much!” message on their anniversary, but her husband didn’t post anything. She claimed it showed he didn’t care, but he wondered why his card (delivered in person) and anniversary dinner didn’t count. Don’t get so caught up in your online persona that you forget what really counts: in person, real-life interactions.
3) That isn’t to say that online affection isn’t appropriate. When my husband does something awesome, I like to write about it. When I write a great article, my husband (usually) shares it with his networks. It’s about being supportive, both online and off-line.
4) Give each other some space! If you’re the first person to comment on every one of your spouse’s status updates, you might need to fall back a little bit. You don’t need to comment on every post, you don’t need to question them about every friend on their list, and you don’t need to make them interact with you every day. Focus on strengthening your relationship offline. If you two portray an image of a happy marriage online, that’s great – but don’t let your social media imprint be the end all be all to your relationship.
What tips would you add to this list?
Great list. I agree with you on all and number two and four stands out for me personally. When my husband blogged I honestly can say that I struggled with those two. I had to constantly evaluate why this was such a struggle for me. Our issues like this happened offline as well and I think being online helped tomagnify it which minturn helped us to deal with it.
I would add to always extend trust and respect just like you would offline. Don’t question why someone said what they said in a comment. Your spouse is not responsible for others actions.
Nice post! You should always consider what you are posting before you do. I blog posted the other day about something similar. It is sometimes sad to see the things that get posted.
Great post. Lamar and I were just talking about this the other day. I see some couples posting way too much stuff on facebook. And I find that when they go over board with posting even “good” things…that those same couples will also go over board when it comes to posting the “bad”
Great points Tara.
I would also add hints to avoid inappropriate relationships from developing.
If you reconnect with old friends or exes, your spouse should be aware – and you should never get in the habit of chatting or sending private messages to the opposite sex.
If what you are typing is something that you would not want your spouse to see – do not do it!
If your husband has attractive FB friends, don’t trip. If you feel insecure, be honest and say to him, “Some of your female FB friends are pretty. I’m feeling some type of way about that.” Talk. Make sure he honors and validates your feelings. And go from there.