by LaToya Irving
I have read and heard so much about what a woman has to do to find a husband that I’ve compiled four simple steps I believe will help eliminate much of the fuss. Keep in mind that not all results are typical!
1. Be Real
Answer the Following Questions…Truthfully
- Why do you want to get married?
- What is marriage to you?
- Do you want a marriage or a wedding? (or just a gorgeous dress)
If your answer leans more towards wanting a decadant wedding cake and that gorgeous wedding gown, stop reading this and go try on dresses, and sample wedding cake at the bakery. If you find that you really do want to spend the rest of your life with someone spe cial, here’s what you do to find him.
2. Stop Looking
Now that you’ve made up your mind that you really do want a partner in life, your next step is to stop looking. Iknow, you are asking how are you going to find your husband if you are not looking, searching, hunting. Well, why do women have to look for the man? Aren’t we the prize? The Bible says the man is supposed to find the wife, when he does, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Don’t you want your husband to get favor from God? I believe if you stop hunting, the right man will find you. Take time to enjoy yourself, have fun being single. I say relax, let him come to you. Patience is key!
3. Develop, Strengthen Your Relationship With God
After you’ve put away the hunting gear and you are now patiently waiting on your husband, start strengthening your relationship with God. God should be first in your life as well as your marriage. You are going to need God in your marriage, trust me! I believe if you pray about your desire to be married, God will honor that prayer, because God is for marriage.
When I was single, I was so tired of dating, I remember telling God that He would have to send my husband to me because I wasn’t going to look anymore. I decided to enjoy my life with my son. Three days after I said that, my would-be-husband approached me and gave me his number. I felt right at that moment that he was going to be my husband. I held off calling him for a few days”…come June, we’ll celebrate 15 years of marriage. It may not happen that fast for you, but, you never know what God has planned.
4. Enjoy Yourself
While you are waiting for your husband, do continue to enjoy life. Hang with your friends and family, travel, take a class, do whatever makes you happy. When your husband-to-be spots you, you don’t want him to see you unhappy. You have to have a life before you merge yours with his. You may meet him in class, at the store, over your aunt’s house, you never know.
In the end, I’m not saying you shouldn’t give up on online dating, blind dates or anything like that, just don’t be in such a rush that you miss out on the experiences God wants you to have before you become a wife. Relax and enjoy being you!
LaToya Irving is a wife, mother and former Air Force brat.
Delielaw says
I really enjoyed looking and I am glad that I made a decision to stop looking. I keep Proverbs 18:22 close in my mind and heart. Right now I am enjoying life with my three daughters who are in elementary school, looking forward to returning to college after being off for a year and to continue fulfilling God’s purpose He has for me. God bless you both!
Kisha H says
I truly enjoy reading this blog today. This is what I have been doing, living the single life while I can. For a while I was looking, but now I am just enjoying being SINGLE, and I have to say this is wonderful! I am focused on my GOD and my daughter and those are my priorties. May God continue to keep you both!
Estelle says
Great article. Excellent advice on enjoying being single.When I counseled young ladies at my church I used Phillipians 4:19 and Matthew 6:32 – 34 to support point #2. If we count on God to supply what we need we’ll get married if/ when He deems it so, until then it’s not what we need. I told them that we need to make God the focus of our lives. If we don’t love God enough to put Him first why would be give us someone to take away the little bit of attention we do give Him?
Also, as much as I enjoy Proverbs 18:22, let’s remember that Ruth went to Boaz. Nothin wrong with making the first move as long as everything else (loving God, being hard working, dligent responsible ) are all in place.
Melinda says
Exactly Estelle.
I was saving myself for marriage all along. But when I decided to put God first and foremost in my life, that is when He brought me my husband.
The main reason God wants us to put Him first is that He knows our spouse will NOT meet all of our needs. That’s a myth that people have that if they were only married, their lives would be perfect. Well, marriage comes with its OWN set of challenges. Everyone should come into marriage with the idea that the only one I can’t live without is God.
Great article!
Lisa says
My husband thanks me every day that I was one who decided to look, because otherwise, he never would have found me. We met online.
If I had not gone looking, I’d still be single and not expecting a beautiful baby boy or girl with my loving husband right now. Of course, I had to find a man who was also seeking a wife, but it didn’t hurt that I made the decision that I had no reason to stay single any longer (I was early 30s) and that I needed to put more effort into finding a quality relationship.
Stop looking can be great advice for the women who need it, and very detrimental and time-wasting advice for others.
Jason Stubbs says
that is how my wife found me Lisa… Looking…. she didn’t have to beat me over the head… but you can’t score if you ain’t in the game… I love what the Bible says and all.. But the Scriptures say alot of things.. and one thing that is Universal in life is that you can Pray and Pray and Pray… You can Pray and have Faith… But remember what James 2:17 says.. Thus Also Faith By Itself, If It Does Not Have Works, Is Dead. — Don’t let your Pride get in the way of a wonderful thing… because in the end… after years and years of marriage… Who Cares Who Got At Whom ?? — Women Go and Get your Man !! NOW
Yana says
I agree with you completely Lisa. There is no harm or shame in looking, besides alot of the people who claim they aren’t looking are at least peeking, lol!
Lisa says
Jason and Yana… yes, I totally agree with both of you as well! I think too people have to take into account exactly where they stand mentally, emotionally and spiritually (if they are spiritual) when figuring all of this out instead of taking a message and applying it without thought. There are indeed some women who’ve spent most of their adult lives pushing to make unhealthy relationships work, chasing men, etc… for those women, the “stop looking” advice is indeed a blessing.
Then there are others, like someone mentioned here, who were never looking, who’ve enjoyed being single and who’ve been serving God and are still very much as single as they were 10-15-20 years ago. I’m sorry, but there’s a lot of “older” single women out there (and that number is growing) who just are not having anyone come to them and might not ever have it happen despite all the nice words about how it will eventually happen someday… and I don’t think anyone should miss out on the blessing of marriage because of fear of “looking.” Is the marriage that started because the woman “looked” any less blessed than the one that didn’t? I don’t think so!
Now, no woman needs to chase a man or beat him over the head (LOL at Jason), but if “looking” means going to a single’s event, saying hello to a guy, putting a profile up online, joining a sports club or something like that, then I say look away! And then, after he’s seen you or said hello back, then let HIM pursue!
U_pam says
I enjoyed this blog. It confirmed that what I am currently doing is on track. I am enjoying serving GOD in the youth ministry at my church. I am very involved in my daughter’s life. And I just enjoy being single. It’s always nice to be reminded and to make sure we are on the right path. And congratulations to you and your husband. I have faith that GOD will send the man he has for me in my direction.
Rubie9632 says
I was never looking and yet I am still single. I live my life for me and God is at the top of my life. I serve in many areas both inside and outside the church but clearly he must not feel I am ready because nobody appeared. I thought my time had come last yr but sadly that wasn’t the case. I just don’t get it but I shall continue serving and living.
Kristi says
understand how you feel. Be encouraged in realizing that God knows where you are in this season and understands your desire to marry better than anyone else. Sometimes the disappointments is God’s way of protecting us so He can give us His best. God sees that you’Ire devoted to Him, and it could be He’s still preparing that person for you. Maybe the other person is not yet ready. Just know whatever God has for you is for you, and as Pastor Tony Evans said in one of his sermons, God can change your status at any time. Nothing is too hard for Him!
Bugarska Leto says
Though I’m not a believer in God, I must agree on numbers 1, 2 and 4. These are all true and I’m the perfect example. I’ve always tried to find that perfect one and because of that I wasn’t true to myself. The moment I’ve looked at myself without any reluctance, I was honest and, though a bit scared, I was finally happy with myself. Self-confident. Than, I’ve stopped looking and there he was. My future husband! We got engaged after 2,5 years of dating. I found one that is just my cup of tea, because I’ve thought it through what I want. When I found myself, I found him. I could only add to this post – stay positive.
Mairo Speaks says
When I read the title I thought, “Here we go again.”. Boy was I wrong. Luv this article. Sound, solid advice. And even if he doesn’t show up, she will be happier with herself AND have a closer relationship with God.
Labena says
How easy was it to find someone online, Lisa and Jason? What site? A paid or free site? Did you have to go on many many dates before you met your spouse? What games were involved, did you have sex before and for how long? Someone needs to shed a lot more light on that online dating world!
Lisa says
Sorry! I missed this question.
I did both free and paid sites and sometimes, I had an active profile off and on for years. By that, I mean that there were certain periods in my life in which I wasn’t actively thinking about marriage and wasn’t updating my profile… however, every once in a while, someone would contact me and there might be a date. Other times, I put more effort into getting a nice picture taken and refreshing my profile so new members could see it.
I didn’t find there to be any more games than I experienced with people I met the “old fashioned way.” Those men who wanted to play games played games, and those who didn’t, didn’t. There are many people who will say they want a relationship but not make an effort to be in one, and you can find that with men you meet in real life and online. Or some men wanted to just talk online and text but never meet you in person. If he didn’t suggest a date in two weeks, I closed communication with him.
Sex? Well, with the future DH, we did not wait until marriage, but I said to any man I dated that there would be no sex until we were in an established and exclusive relationship. Some bolted, but DH didn’t. Again, it was no different than dealing with men I met in real life.
The only big difference between online dating and non-online dating is the fact that you need to set up a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible before something more can develop. After meeting though, you have to deal with him like you would with anyone else!
Hubbie Dubbie says
”
God should be first in your life as well as your marriage.” ..
More brainwashed negro speak.
Yolanda Spencer says
Really wonderful to see someone write what I actually experienced. When we allow Jesus to be first in our hearts He does take care of everything else in His timing when we let Him!! I was a single parent of two wonderful sons and had decided no more dating or looking, just enjoying God, enjoying my boys and enjoying myself. We had done cruises as a family, taken several vacations, and I purchased my first home!! When my sweetie did come he was single never married with no children of his own. A dream come true. Its been seven years and I love him more today than the day we married. Our relationship has not been without challenges as Im sure no marriage is but we decided to keep God at the center of how we deal with one another and I couldnt be happier. We now have a beautiful daughter and for the time being Im a stay home mommie!! Jeremiah 29:11 God has great plans for each of our lives!! if we only give Him the space and time and place to work them out