When my wife is out I worry, not about what she is doing or who she is with, but whether or not she is safe. There are many times when she loses track of time or thinks that because she’s out with a group she is safe. But it doesn’t work that way. As a spouse I believe it’s our jobs to keep each other updated on our whereabouts, exactly for the reasons many would figure it isn’t necessary. I want to know from her that she is safe. But up until recently, I can’t say I’ve been very good at expressing my concern. Typically, I’ve been a complete grouch by the time she gets in. She’s sensed my bad attitude immediately and things have just gone downhill from there. Sometimes she didn’t even make it home without incurring my wrath in the form of a string of angry texts. Regardless of the method, neither of us have gone to bed happy.
Then one day I decided to switch things up.
Recently my wife was out at a networking dinner with her associates, and I did everything that I always do: cleaned the house and put the kids to bed — well I made the big one go to bed. But this time I added a couple steps:
- I didn’t contact her repeatedly while she was out, and
- Close to the time she said she was coming home I lit a candle and set out a bottle of unopened wine and two glasses and left it on the kitchen table so the presentation would be waiting for her when she came through the front door.
It was well received.
What made the difference? I welcomed her home. It was all over my face that she was missed while she was gone. We ate (crackers and proscuitto), drank and happily discussed her evening out. This is not a reward for not letting me know that she is safe. Rather an acknowledgment that on my end there was room for improvement.
If you’ve never considered greeting your wife at the door with something romantic, and I mean romantic not sexual, you should try it. You might be surprised by the response you receive.
BMWK – Have you ever taken Eric’s approach, by making positive changes in order to address issues in your marriage?