As the wave of going [back to] wearing our natural hair sweeps the nation, we all know someone who is transitioning, has done the “big chop” (started over by cutting hair very low, sometimes nearly shaven), sporting dreadlocks or rocking a sassy ‘fro – be it for health reasons, joining the movement, being fed up with hair relaxers or just sick and tired of those marathon days sitting in the salon.
While we know this movement is powerful and looks ever so beautiful on us, there is a price to pay for this beauty. And those of us who go through it, know what I’m talking about – the nighttime prepping period. The twists in your head the night before the cute ‘fro. The “Set it Off” cornrows before the wavy side puff in the morning, and so on. I even had a single friend tell me that she wanted to go natural, but BECAUSE she was single and looking for a man, she didn’t want to do it. She feared that men would find her less attractive if she had natural hair. Wow! We have really been brainwashed all these years…and yes! I’m talking to myself, too!
I went [back to] natural about 7 years ago and was so excited about my decision. Even more so, when my husband welcomed my transition from shoulder-length, bone straight tresses to a more “ethnic” look that changed my whole look completely. I’ll never forget the day I did my first big chop. He ran his hands across my hair, complimented my cheek bones, and said that now he could see my dimples. This felt good! He was so loving, and so accepting. Sooner than later, my teeny weeny afro started to grow, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. I would wake up in the middle of the night catch a glimpse in the bathroom mirror and be mortified… I looked like Don King!
I was so used to looking and feeling sexy with my hair swinging around [brainwashed], especially when I was flirting with him. I tried all of the natural hairstyles and techniques that I found on YouTube. I quickly realized that at night you have to look like Celie (from The Color Purple), with all those fly away twists and plaits all over your head, in order for our hairstyle to look like Jill Scott’s!! I’m thinking, “What have I done?” “I know he loves me unconditionally, but is it fair to him for me to go from being his Sexy Seductress to looking like a Black Pippi Longstockings from the neck up?”
My co-worker shared her experience with going natural. She had (what she thought was) a budding romance. She took the natural plunge and he started treating her differently. Of course, now we know that was a blessing in disguise. My husband is like most men when he says he doesn’t care about petty things like my hair at night. But he might be in mixed company. Fellas do you care whether your wife goes natural or not? Ladies do you feel a little less sexy or even MORE sexy now that you’re rocking your natural tresses?
My hair is finally all natural again. Thankfully, I have it braided and stuffed up under the cutest, sexiest, shortest, sleekest, most sophisticated wig ever. I do not know what I am going to do with all this hair. And I neither like nor want the ‘mush-mound’ look at work or in life. Sign me–Still Figuring It Out
LOL. Wigs. Weaves. Whatever, it’s all good! I have it all!
I’m currently in transition, more of a newbie. It’ll be a year relaxer free in November but I still have a long way to go before I’m 100% natural. Not ready mentally for a big chop and I don’t think those at my office would be either lol, however my hubby has been super duper supportive throughout this process and loves seeing the curls. So much so that he looked disappointed to see my hair straight when I went to the salon, “it’s so flat.” He even bought me a hard hat dryer to help with deep conditioning & possible roller sets. So I can definitely say I feel blessed to have a hubby who is supportive and attracted to my mane in its natural state.
Before I went back to my natural state, my husband always loved my hair big and set with curling rods. I knew then he wouldn’t care.
When I met my husband I was natural. Once I was laid off I thought I needed straight hair to earn back my position in Corporate America so I permed my hair and once I was securely at work, I did the big chop. So my husband has seen it all! Long hair, afro puffs, bantu knots and a ceasar cut. He’s had his favorites but he’s always been supportive. If anything, he has had to coax me through the mental rollar coaster of going natural.
He sounds really supportive as well! That’s great!
I have been married for so long, I don’t know how my natural hair effects dating and the like. For me, my husband is happy when I am happy and since the natural hair makes me happy and feel good about myself he is happy. He knows I will “make him feel good” when I am feeling good so he is only complementary about me taking good care and styling my natural hair. It is important that we feel good about ourselves, all of ourselves and if we cannot appreciate our hair for what it is, our self esteem takes a hit. I believe, in the end, the little hits to our self esteem are worse for our love life than natural hair.
I love that Janeane! I agree it’s very important that we good about ourselves. Our confidence is our best accessory!
I’ve been natural for 4+ years…and I get more compliments now than I ever did when spending hours in the salon every 2 weeks (:
Me too Jennifer! I’ve been locked for two years and this is the best hairstyle ever. I do the maintenance myself. Oneday I am going to sit down and add up how much I’ve saved by locking, it has to be in the thousands. My only regret is that it took me so long to take the plunge!
I was locked for almost 4 years too! I am still not sure he was crazy about it, but loved me still. 🙂
Its not for everyone. But i love it too. Thanks for the comment Jennifer!
This is an amazing story ! . I feel where she is coming from, i was VERY NERVOUS about going natural and what people may think or say ,looking like celie before bed and what my fiance’ would say. ! But once i got the hang of everything and as i watch my hair grow i started to love it even MORE ! . Also with my fella … i didn’t think he would be to fond of the situation of me going natural , but once i took my weave out and started whipping up my curls , he cant keep his hands out of my head lol , but on the other hand …being natural is the BEST thing since sliced bread , its sooo healthy , and you dont have to worry bout being in that salon all day also its wayy CHEAPER . i LOVE being natural , and i love that this is a movement that a lot of ladies is big chopping or either transitioning to natural. Just know ya hair aint stressed out sista , God made us this way ! .1 year and 5 months & counting ! Happy Monday Everyone 🙂
That’s that brainwashed mentality I was referring to. We should have never been led to believe that the way we were born is less than. But very few women I know have rocked their kinks and coils since day one.
The “hair thing” for me is a personal choice. I don’t feel as though I’ve been brainwashed to wear my hair natural or straight. I will say that I was totally natural for 4 years then I went back to getting a perm 3 times a year. I found that period of transitioning to be extremely exhausting. At that time I wore my hair really short and although my hair is naturally very curly sometimes I wanted the straight look with the cute spikes and everything (ex. Ms. Berry) and just could not achieve that look for long periods of time. Let me add I am NOT a DIY hair person. This is a skill I never obtained 🙁 and this made the process more difficult. I would go to the salon and 2 days later my entire head was curly. I would call myself “littl orphan Annie.” Currently I’m back on that natural path thanks to the author of this article Mrs. Sheree Adams, whose also my former college classmate… Go Tuskegee!!! I had been wearing it curly for months and then that exhaustion creeped in with all the care and attention it takes. Still no perm but I’ve become very familiar with protective styling techniques. After 14 years of marriage my husband has seen it all and only asked that I keep my hair nice and neat. Still on the fence but personally I feel more attractive without the curls.
Tamira thanks for the love! Styling your own natural hair is not for the faint at heart! Trust me!
I did the big chop about 3 weeks ago. I was tired of my hair dictating what I did for the day. I wanted to be able to workout and not worry about sweating my hair. I have loved my natural style since I chopped off the perm. My husband loves it!
Congrats Tamara! I found all THREE of my big chops to be exhilarating!
My boyfriend (Long-distance relationship 🙂 ) didn’t think I was serious about the Big Chop.When i did, I skyped him to show my new look. I could tell he wasn’t ready but he’s been supportive since then. Going natural has given me lots of confidence unlike the forged one I carried in my weave..lol. Compliments have being coming from white guys esp. I’m still trying to figure out what to do to tame my TWA but I’m going to keep counting my blessings until then.
I totally feel you! i’ve been natural for 4 years after my big chop… but had to do another chop 2 months ago after straightening my hair for about a year using heat. My hunny has been extremely supportive with my new twist dos and twist outs… We’re not engaged or married so I can be honest and say I was a little concerned on how he would recieve it but he truly makes me feel so special. I love being able to go to kickboxing and sweat my butt off without a care about messing up my press/silk out… Truly freeing!
Like I said confidence is our sexiest accessory! Thanks for the comment!
I did my big chop in October of last year and my fiancee has been very supportive even on my “Don King” looking days loo. Hes very happy that my hair is healthy and that we have one less expense to pay every two weeks since I do my own hair. We both cant wait until the one year mark of being natural because I will start straightening it again (no relaxer of course)
So you know about the Don King too?! Lol I hate those times but hey! Nothing a little water and a brush can’t handle.
I don’t think I ever looked cute going to bed with my hair natural or back when I had a perm. Either way I still had some type of scarf/bonnet/Aunt Jemima look going. Having it natural has only had a positive effect on my love life because I care a whole lot less about getting my hair messed up 😉
Ok. So first Aja I see we were on the same wavelength with our most recent blog posts. I had to go and check yours out! Love yours! Good point about straight vs. kinky hair and going to bed. Who looks cute with a scarf on regardless? Lol
Girl, rock that hair, plaits, braids, twists and all. You know we can look sexy in what ever. Put your spend on it and keep it moving… I know I do…55 year old natural plait wearing African American women who loves me some me! 🙂
Thank you Trellis! I rock it and wear it well!
i love all of these comments. Just goes to show men aren’t as shallow as we think – now if this message could get out there, that would be something.
I always tied my hair down at night so this didnt factor in to the equation. hubby loves my hair natural – esp when i have big hair. he has never been unsupportive even when i felt i didnt look my best.
Thanks for the comment nylse! MyDH loves my hair big too!
My wife went natural about 6-7 years ago as well. I ABSOLUTELY love it! She still considers “going back” to straight hair from time to time, I think mainly because of the care and prep work. I really like the natural look, but if she went back I’d be cool with it…I see some of our old pics and think she was beautiful with the straight hair too (after all, that look initially attracted me). I can roll with either as long as it is manged and cared for, but I think I like the natural best…and actually she occasionally goes straight w/out chemicals…I guess it just doesn’t last as long as when she used chemicals to straighten.
You are so sweet Jackie! What a supportive husband. Glad to see a husband that is ANTI- creamy crack! Wonderful!
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way….has anyone thought about letting the gray come in.
Dolly …you are taking to it to the next level when you start talking about the gray hairs lol I have some very good friends that are natural…but they are still putting rinses in for those gray hairs….I must say..some people have the most beautiful gray hair
Yes, I have been rocking the gray hair for the last 10+ years. I grayed prematurely and was addicted to hair dye/coloring of any sort when I was younger. I have never done the perm before, but I do press/flat iron. But now that I am at the blessed age of having personal summers, (hot flashes) lol, I am trying to figure out something more natural, because the press don’t last one day with the flashes.
this is very interesting as I’m reading the comments, I noticed that the majority of the women are already in a realtionship or married. I’ve only read 1 comment (Trellis) who did not mention she was in a relationship.
Now, I would like to hear from the single sistas who are wearing the natural look and if its affected their love life.
I agree Ms O. I am single too and natural and I personally don’t think that many single brothers are all that crazy about naturals. Honestly, I see too many brothers around here with women who either wear hair down their backs or are white, hispanic, or asian. They don’t pay as much attention to me because my hair isn’t bone straight and hanging down my back, and I do keep my hair in good condition and looking well kept. The comments here about everyone’s husbands being cool with naturals is great, but for those of us who are single, it’s tough. Great article though!
Thanks Stephanie! But do you want someone that doesn’t see past your cozily mane? He’s out there.
I am married now, but have been natural for 11 years now, so I was natural when I met my husband and the whole time I was dating and at a time that it was a lot less popular to be natural. If it had any affect on my love life, I didn’t notice! When I met my husband I had locs, and a while after we started dating he said “I never thought I would date a girl with dreads” and mentioned that he had never dated a girl with natural hair. Now he doesn’t like seeing my hair straight. I’ve gone through so many hair transitions though, that I knew whoever I ended up with would have to love me however I was because who knows what my hair might look like tomorrow.
I am married, but have only been married for about a year and a half. I spent 10 years single and natural, so I never transitioned while dating. I don’t know if this affected my love life or not, but most of my dating partners were white. I married a white man and hair hasn’t been an issue at all. He’s never seen my hair straight and he really doesn’t want to.
It’s nice to not have hair play a role in my relationships. If I’m ever single again for any reason, if a man has a complaint about my natural hair, I won’t get involved with him. He either will like my hair as is, or he can move on.
Here! Here Lisa! I am engaged now, but for years while in undergrad and after, one of my criteria for me were brothers who like naturals! If you had a problem with it, you were not on my list at all!
I’ve heard it more than once that single women are hesitant. It’s easier to say what I would and wouldn’t do AFTER THE FACT…..but I truly believe that for me to dig you, you have to love ALL OF ME! I’m hoping single women chime in too. I would love to hear more. Thanks for the comment!
Hmmm most men I run into like the long hair look. You definitely attract different men with natural hair. I just have to be careful of the ones who say…..will you straighten it? Or wear your long piece? As a single lady, I have to remember what I want matters as well.
I agree Lorri, you definitely attract different types of men when you wear your hair natural. Unfortunately, many black men are hung up on the images they see in the media and expect us to look as white as possible. Some like Chris Rock, pick on us for wearing weaves, wigs, etc, but when we rock the fro or other natural hairstyles, they complain that they can’t run their fingers through our hair. Well my question is, did you get with me for “me” or because of my hair. If you God forbid got cancer and lost all of your hair, then what???? Would they leave because all of your hair fell out? I feel that black men can be so picky when it comes to us sometimes, but can date some big, unattractive white woman all day long with no complaints, I just don’t get it. I agree that you have to “do you” and be happy in your own skin, but in certain areas it is harder to find black men who are cool with natural hair. I would imagine in bigger cities, say NYC, Atlanta, DC, it may be different, but I live in NC and in a mostly white area at that, so I think that where you live has a lot to do with it. Sorry guys for my negative stance on this, I guess I’m just frustrated with men right now 🙁
I will be honest, I was hesitant about going natural when I was single. I have long hair to the the middle of my back with a perm so when I finally decided to stick with transitioning for the second time I still had fears about will my hair look like a big cotton puff and will a man be attracted to this? Luckily when I started dating my boyfriend who is “the one” he really encouraged me to go full force with it and assured me he will love me the same. I think it’s important to talk with the man you are with because this is a big decision for some, I know it was for me. Have the man be honest with you and you be honest with him about why you are natural. The right man should respect that at least.
ms o
i just recently got into a serious relationship, but i dated while transitioning and doing the big chop and noticed no real impact in my dating life. if anything, men seem to love my hair more because it’s not just long, straight hair. i remember the week i big chopped, i debuted my new fro to a guy i had been dating for a month. he loved it! it didn’t work out for other reasons, but men still stop me on the street to tell me they love my hair. with my current bf, i straightened my hair for birthday, but after a week he kept asking when i was going to wash it out!
if anything, the most criticism i’ve gotten from my natural hair has come from other black women…
I just want to say as a older single woman, I find it difficult to date with natural hair. My ex boyfriend did not care for the natural hair at all. His words exactly when we discussed marriage was, ” I would have to learn to like it; because, you like and it is an extension of you.” He said, however I will not be running my fingers through your hair. I think it depends on where you live as to how accepting men are of natural hair. The few women that I know that are currently dating with natural hair, wear their hair straight, in protective styles or they have real defined curl patterns (not the thick kinky hair)
I’m single and I’ve been natural for about four years. It hasn’t affected my dating life at all. The men that I’ve dated love my natural hair. And a man that loves my natural hair is so attractive to me. I am a little worried about what I’ll do when I’m in a relationship & I have to go to bed with my “Ms. Celie” braids. But I’ll guess I’ll wait until I’m lucky enough to have that problem before I lose any sleep over it.
Totally agree!
Ladies do you feel a little less sexy or even MORE sexy now that youre rocking your natural tresses?
I’ve been natural since 2007, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I feel more sexy beacause it’s me…100%. I’m not hindered by anything (i.e. rain, sweat from working out), and I enjoy life.
I only feel more confident when my moisturizing/care game is on point.. when my do is completely healthy and moist I am in love with it! I also love the creativity that there is! I currently have a cute flat twist style now…. No nonsense and I feel great in my healthy/fit lifestyle now that I can workout daily without a care in the world.
I change my hair everyday almost. Loving it!
I don’t run in the rain anymore! Thank God! Thanks for the comment!
Hello all,
I went natural in Oct 11, and my hair has been falling out since, I wash and condition my hair regularly and keep my scalp oiled, I didn’t chop my hair off I just thought it would just grow out and I could trim later. Any advice and keep in mind I always went to the beauty shop to get updo’s and did my own perms for years. I went from shoulder length to short help, oh and by the way I love my natural hair
I transitioned for 9 months before I did my big chop. Breakage os normal because you’re shedding all of the chemical in your hair (at least that’s what I was told) when I finally cut my hair I had about 3 inches of all natural hair and now 9 months later my hair is down to my shoulders. Just be patient and keep your hair moisturized and if you are ready for the “big chop” to move it along faster then go for it!!!
Drink plenty of water and try protective styles to keep from over-manipulating your hair. Our hair is stronger in its natural state but coarse hair is naturally dry! Keep it moisturized.
Hi Sheree, whats a protective style?
Its any type of style that is twisted, braided or just up and away to protect it from breakage or over-manipulation.
How often do you wash it?? Perhaps your hair is dry and you wash it too much. It must be conditioned properly and put in protective styling and left alone. Are you the type to style your every day?? Weekly???
Hello there
I wash and press my hair once a week I keep it moisturized and I also roll it everynight on the flexi rods, if u have any suggestions do share.
Thanks
I have been natural for several years now….when I met my husband, I was a “sit in the shop for a minimum of 5 hours every Friday night….had to have to fresh perm every 4 weeks” kind of sistah. Hubby went natural first and then I followed a year later. I was natural but not ready for locs at the time. We both have locs now. I have thought about cutting my locs so that I can rock a NICE fro and he doesn’t care…he prefers my locs but says he doesn’t care as long as I don’t go back to a perm and he HATES weaves and wigs. I get alot more attention from men now that I have locs. I think men find it sexy and they think it shows confidence. I love my natural hair and so does my husband.
Ugh! I don’t miss those days, I will never get all of those wasted hours back! Thanks for the comment!
I am a single lady in my late twenties.
This is my 2nd time going natural, both times I had the “BIG Chop”…I can tell you all this: I received more compliments from gentlemen when I went natural (both times). Some other ladies in my organization also went natural, and we noticed that men seemed to love the natural look!
This time around, I had been dating a guy for about a month and a half; I surprised him with it, he was shocked, but like it and said he understood why I made my decision and that he liked how it looked on me.
So, with all that said: MAKE YOUR CHOICE BASED ON HOW YOU FEEL! If a guy can’t be happy with you when you’re happy with you, then you won’t be happy with him in the long run!
I love your advice…let them love you for WHO you are! Thanks for the comment!
Not a problem!
Thanks for the discussion!!!!
Now that I’m natural I feel way more sexy. My hair is in a fade and my husband cuts it. He loves my hair like this, I’ve asked if he wanted me to start back growing it and he said no. I must say when I had a relaxer my hair was always breaking off and that brought me down. 🙂 Now although I’m rocking my fade I know that when I grow it back I won’t put another relaxer on my head.
In house barber?! Awesome! You won the lottery on that one!
My wife went natural two years ago when she got pregnant with our daughter. She didnt want to stay that way, but I convinced her to, and shes been natural since. Shes seen her hair grow almost 4 inches. She has really thick hair, so on humid days, she freaks out some, lol. But overall, shes been happy with it. Especially since its grown so much
Great decision on your wife’s part! Great hubby support is the best! Kudos Courtney!
I’ve have wrangled with this too. The hardest part for me is when its time to get “close” to my husband. I twist my hair o braid it most nights, but he loves running his fingers through my loose hair. It sucks. I’ve been transitioning for 6 months and I would love to chop the rest of my relaxed ends but my hubby hates short hair. I guess I’ll just wait it out until my hair is long enough not to be a shock.
Chop it off and rock out! Accessorize and play up the makeup!
I’m single and been natural since college (now 29). I feel like my natural hair repels a certain kind of man, which is fine with me cause he’s probably not my type. I’m all about QUALITY over QUANTITY, and quality men approach me and date me all the time. I definitely feel there is a lot more of attention from non black men than when my hair was straight. I’m also a lazy natural since I started the process before all the blogs, youtube tutorials etc. So I’ve rocked the Don King look (I call it Dragon Ball Z SuperSan) many a time. Hasn’t negatively affected my dating – short, long, whatever. I used to cut it every year around summer to a TWA and regrow it out through the year. Guys LOVE to put their hands in it.
Glad to see you’re loving your natural tresses. It feels great! Quality over Quality…I will take that any day! Good thinking!
I was transitioning to natural as my boyfriend was growing out a fro to start locs. I ended up big chopping the same month he started twisting his hair which is also the same month of our dating anniversary. He has shoulder length locs and I have a huge fro. I actually twist his hair for him now. We’re just a natty ass couple! lol
India Arie said it best. I love her for making that song. I change my hair too much to BE my hair! LOL
Whoops! This was meant for Geri! But I love love love the fact that both of you are natty. That’s cool!
I am a 45 year old Black woman that went natural 3.9 years ago. I have been married for 13 years and my husband has always told me that “whatever you do to your hair, you will always be beautiful”! I love him for that! All I say to the women contemplating this move … is to follow you heart. For me it has been great! The upside is that my hair is healthy and beautiful and I am sending a message to young girls that you definitely have options. I am not the afro type of girl so I let my natural hair grow out without the big Whack Job. It took about a year to be completely natural. Now – once a month I will flat iron it and wear it straight. The other 3 weeks I wear it in a ponytail with twisties at the end. I love that too. The down side is that I live down south with a lot of sun and humidity so the summers are always rough. But it was rough watching my hair get thinner and being constantly abused by all that mess in my hair. Most of my girlfriends … 7 out of 10 are natural now and we rely on each other for support. Sometimes we have to call one another and talk each other down from even thinking about the advantages of the “creamy crack”!! I believe that all women regardless of ethnicity are faced with “hair crisis and hair issues”. All I can say is follow you heart and mind and do what you are feeling down to your bones or in the case “inner scalp”! Reason #79 that I love India Irie — “I am not my hair”.
Geri…..India Arie said it best. I love her for making that song. I change my hair too much to BE my hair! LOL
My eyes are crossing. Its time for bed! I meant Will, not Geri! Geesh (yawn)
My husband likes straight hair. Doesn’t have to be bone straight hawaiian silky. He doesnt care if it’s pressed or permed but he’s not at all a fan of the natural look. I was pressed when I met him now I’m relaxed..He can’t tell the difference. But I don’t see natural Styles in my cards… It would definitely impact my love life.
See? It really does matter!!! People think its shallow, but I know its true! Men LIKE what they LIKE! Thanks for sharing.
Exactly, I think that more men care about how we wear our hair than we think.
When I divorced the man I had been with for 12 years (dated 8, married 4), I started doing me. I did the big chop and went natural. When he saw me the day I chopped, he told me he didn’t like the afro look or that I had cut all my hair off. The gentleman I am currently dating met me months before I big chopped. I didn’t even think about what he would say. I just did it. He has been very supportive and always tells me how good I look. In the end, you must do what makes you happy. That happiness in self will draw to you the men that are real.
I agree with one of the posts above that it’s a certain TYPE of man that likes natural hair. I went natural in DC and it wasn’t a big deal at all since the vibe is so different there and brothers kinda just love the sisters no matter how you look, I got talked to all the time. I’ve been in LA however for the past eight years and it’s actually scary how very brainwashed/shallow etc., men and WOMEN are. I’m not the greatest DIY hairstylist, but I do alright, and some days I’m just going to be fro’d out!!! lol But I can definitely say that being natural can affect your dating depending on where you live. But I also agree with the poster above, that if a dude doesn’t like me natural, then that’s not the dude i want anyway. But unfortunately LA is a virtual wasteland for black dudes so it’s slim pickings anyway, and having natural hair just makes it tougher 🙁 But I am SO HAPPY because my hair is a reflection of me…and pressed/permed was not me.
It’s funny, my parents were so worried about that this because I’m divorced/single. But my ex-husband loves it and my current interested potential have expressed effusive praise for my natural hair. They say as long as it looks good, whatever it is, they don’t care.
Going natural is a beautiful thing, but majority if not all of you ladies are in committed (married) relationships. Therefore, he is suppose to love you unconditionally. This is no bitter rant, but majority of black women or women in general, for that matters are single, so I can relate to a few of the women who are natural and feel unattractive because our men are affected by white supremacy.
You can love yourself, love your skin you’re in and love going natural, but will our men? THE BLACK MAN!?!
I am natural…and single!
Every woman: relaxed or natural, black or non-black will feel unattractive for one reason or another. Self-esteem makes a difference. If a natural sister lacks confidence, she will NOT be approached as much as a natural sister who does have self-confidence.
Some of our BLACK MEN actually DO understand why we choose to go natural- especially the brothers who know what damages those chemicals really do to us; others don’t like it, but end up appreciating it depending on how a sister rocks her natural. If a man likes straight hair, you can STILL straighten your NATURAL hair.
Also, there are a good number of brothers out there who are NOT “affected by white supremacy”…I live in Louisiana and have met plenty (go figure).
With Love.
I have been natural since 1996 after a very bad experience with a relaxer left me completely bald! I mean Michael Jordan, Steve Harvey now, bald. When my hair grew back, I was too afraid to get another relaxer. I did however keep my hair straight with a flat iron or curling iron. When I met my husband in February 2009, I was in the process of starting to wear my hair in braids because I was tired of straightening it. After about a year, I started wearing more twist outs which I love. My boyfriend (now husband) always states he does not care about how I decide to wear my hair. I have never been a fan of wigs or weave, but if I was he wouldn’t care. I still go back and forth between wearing twist outs, to braids or cornrows, to straight. It doesn’t matter to him. He loves me for who I am. I’m blessed to have a man who feels this way about me.
When I was single with my natural hair I loved it because it really cut down on the riff-raff. The type of men that were attracted to me had a tendency to be less superficial, really looking for a relationship and not just sex. That was just my experience. Now I have a wonderful husband and two natural little girls and he loves all of our hair just the way the creator made it 🙂 I encourage any woman out there the give their natural hair a try single or otherwise. You will be surprised what people will love about you when you truly love yourself no matter what hairstyle you have!
I have been natural for my husband and my entire relationship and for 7 years before that. I have found being natural to be empowering. I don’t fear the rain or humidy, can shower without a cap gladly and not worry about the expense of perm maintenance. I also like not having to worry about sweating my hair out anymore. My husband loves my hair and is turned on by the power of my self-acceptance.
Well as for me, I have yet to take the natural transition/plunge. I currently have shoulder length relaxed hair and I love it. My hair is healthy, well conditioned, trimmed regularly and I do it all by myself (God guides my hands of course).
There are moments however when I would prefer a look more closely related to my ethnic makeup (I was born in Africa btw). That is when I go to the salon and get the appropriate natural braided or weave look (Kinky twists, short tightly curled weave etc.) When I’m ready for a change, I just take my braids out and go back to my relaxed look. I don’t feel like I’m selling out by not joining the current movement and I have never been one to sucumb to peer pressure (thank God). So for my sista’s out there rocking the natural look. DO YOUR THANG; and for my relaxed sistas KEEP ROCKIN THOSE TRESSES AS WELL (provided your do it yourself skill level is up to par (and/or) your Salon spending bank acct approves).. HAPPY and HEALTHY LIFE EVERYONE!
For context, I’ve lived in Atlanta, Florida, Arizona, and now DC, with lots of international travel in between.
Out west (Arizona) more non-black men approached and really liked my hair. It was a TWA most of the time cause it’s hot out there. There weren’t a lot of black men where I was though.
Atlanta – mostly black men tried to holler, but IDK, ones with jobs and a future? Less of the young mall rats/sit on the stoop type. No more “Psssst” or “Aaaay shawty” really. However while studying at Georgia Tech, a few white guys approached. My hair was always cool with the engineering set. I’ve had microbraids, TWA, large afro, or flat-iron occasionally.
Florida – black guys from the surrounding colleges. It was flat-ironed often, and also had a blond afro phase!
DC – mostly black guys of all types, a white guy once. I’ve just moved here recently. I actually do styles like buns, bouffants, bands, etc now. The guy I’m seeing now told me straight up that he prefers my crazy afro to my currently flat ironed style (had an interview).
I will say when I was in a long term relationship (dreadlocked guy) he loved my hair no matter what. He really liked the TWA in the summer cause he knew he could put his hands in it and that just doesn’t go down when I’ve got it flat-ironed. He’d sit on the couch and just pull on my curls for fun.
Europe – European guys were all about it the huge afro.
I’ve been natural a long time and there is a learning and comfortability curve. You have to get to a point of not caring what others think, or knowing WHO YOU ARE is more important than any hairstyle. Cause there will always be someone complaining or unhappy with you. But that’s with any hairstyle!!
It’s just imperative that I date someone who doesn’t really care. Cause if the week gets hectic, my afro may produce a dreadlock in the back, or look dry, or not curl just right. I have to be with someone who loves me just the same either way; and not a guy who gets crazy if I come home with my hair cut off, cause sometimes I take the shears to it! Thus far I haven’t had problems finding those types of guys to kick it with. They self-select out.
So while walking into a crowded room with the afro won’t have every man rushing up to meet me, but the ones who do I’ve noticed have been respectful, employed, smart, and interesting usually. So, that’s a win for me!
Good Luck to all the single ladies out here dating!
Awesome!
Thanks for sharing this with us 🙂
When I decided to go natural (5 + Years), I didn’t think about how it would affect my love life. I am not my hair. I think that when you are confident, happy and have self-esteem, it shows.
I just decided to go natural about 2 weeks ago. My hair is in double strand flat twist & I love it so far. I’m 24 and since I was about 12 I’ve gotten singles & my edges started to thin in 1 spot & I said well bye bye weave. Lol.It hasn’t changed my love life YET!
I really enjoyed this article. I started my transition almost a year ago by letting go of the weave and I must admit it was hard. You would think that in South Africa natural hair would be the norm and more embraced, but I think we feel so pressured to identify with the standard of beauty we see on tv and print media. It took time to accept what I saw looking back at me in the mirror as beautiful without the weave, I had to step back and really re-program my thinking. My boyfriend was surprisingly happy with the change, I keep my hair braided because it is simply too course and unmanageable to leave loose (which is a whole other discussion) but whenever he sees it he constantly remarks on how healthy and beautiful it looks.
Some three years ago when I decided to go natural, I really never even considered it having effecting anything.
My thoughts have always been: It’s just hair. Yes, I have had guys I know comment about “needing a perm”. But I anticipated that from them.
I have received far more compliments about my hair than anything, and a lot of attention to boot.
I don’t care what kind of hair you have, confidence is what draws people. If you rock a baldie a man will be drawn to your bald head even if he’s used to 20″ weaves and swinging ponytails, as long as you like it and wear it with confidence.
I went natural 10 years ago with the support of my husband and his barber I had shoulder length perm hair it was the middle of July and I could not take it anymore with my hair I told my husband I wanted to wear it natural and he said I will take you to my barber and the end results was a bald head yes a shiney bald head as my hair started to grow out my husband finally confessed and said I rather have you bald. So I been rocking a bald head and I must admit I do love the maintance and my hair has never grown pass 4 inches until it shaved off this look is not for everyone but my husband loves it on me he could care less if I ever grow hair again.
Surprisingly for me it has affected my dating life negatively but it doesn’t stop me from doing what’s best for me. And in addition I notice that I get compliments in abundance from all other races whereas many of my African American friends beg me to “go back to normal” not realizing nothing about a relaxer is normal lol
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