by LaDawn Elliott

Are you truly dedicated to being a “professional” significant other in your committed relationship, or are you just an entry level, unskilled mate filling the position in an interim capacity?  A Professional is defined as an individual that is an expert and has specialized knowledge in the field they are practicing. They are characterized by having a high standard of professional ethics, behaviors and work activities while carrying out their profession.  The professional owes higher duty to their client, often a privilege of confidentiality, as well as a duty not to abandon a genuine client.  Often, the professional is required to put the interest of their client ahead of their own interests.

A “professional” significant other is quite different from a “habitual” significant other.  A professional significant other has a higher sense of obligation to their partner and the relationship.  They clearly understand that the relationship, and all that it encompasses, is bigger than them individually.  A “professional” significant other is wholly and unselfishly devoted to doing the work required to create a true partnership…a winning team.  On the other hand, “habitual” significant others desire the perks and benefits that pro significant others enjoy, but they are not really interested in doing the work it takes to become a pro, and sadly, they can’t stand being alone.  As a result, they float around broken with all of their baggage from one relationship to the other hoping that this will be the one.

Being a professional significant other requires that you become an expert friend, lover, and confidant.  A professional significant other understands the difference between the words friend and associate.  A professional significant other is an expert friend that commits to their mate and the relationship. They don’t act as an acquaintance that haphazardly checks in with their mate only when it’s beneficial for them.  A professional significant other is a friend that is honest, trustworthy, loyal, encouraging, selfless, and has a strong sense of duty not to abandon the relationship in difficult times.

A professional significant other is also an expert lover that commits to becoming one with their mate physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  They maintain a strong desire to share intimate experiences with their mate.  A professional significant other is a lover that will put their mate’s interest ahead of their own.  In doing so, they are willing to explore new things, fulfill their mate’s desires, and become their mate’s fantasy.  They can give freely of themselves because they trust that their mate loves them, respects them, understands their needs, will honor and protect their bodies, and will not compromise, humiliate, or degrade them in any way.

A professional significant other also serves as a confidant and enjoys the privilege of confidentiality with their mate.  A mate to a professional significant other feels safe to share their secrets, hopes and dreams, fears, hurts, and joys.  A professional significant other is a confidant that allows room for their mate to be vulnerable.  Most importantly they do not break the bond of confidentiality by sharing the intimate details or problems in their relationship with friends, family, co-workers, or on social media.

Being a professional significant other also requires that you have highly specialized knowledge in the areas of communicating, researching and analyzing, and supporting.  A professional significant other should always consider their mate’s feeling when communicating with them.  Love, respect, honesty, and accountability are tools that all professional significant others utilize when communicating with their mate.  Professional significant others are not only responsible for what they communicate, they take ownership for how they communicate as well.  They work to ensure that their mates thoroughly understands what they are trying to convey.  Additionally, they make sure to have a clear understanding of what is being communicated to them, which helps to reduce the number of misunderstandings that surface due to poor communication.

A professional significant other has to be highly skilled at researching and analyzing.  Relationships are filled with lots of trial and error. Determining what makes your mate feel loved, happy, appreciated, and safe will be evidenced in the results from the trials couples are faced with daily.  They are committed to analyzing the data their ongoing research yields and are quickly able to discern what does and does not work in their relationship.  A professional significant other is flexible and has the capacity to evolve as their mate and the relationship grows.

No professional significant other’s toolbox is complete without a support hammer.  This is a critical tool because every mate looks to their partner for support. When life’s struggles become burdensome, your mate’s support should help you through. Finding your purpose, realizing your dream, taking the one step that catapults you into greatness are all epic life moments that a professional significant other encourages you to embrace, holds your hands when you’re nervous, and prays with you to quiet the negative inner voices and the echoes of the cowardly naysayers/dream killers.

The professional significant other supports you in both your darkest moment and greatest hour.  Let me take a moment to clarify.  Being a great supporter does not mean walking blindly behind someone who repeatedly make bad decisions, placing yourself in harm’s way, or sacrificing your morals, values, self-esteem or self-worth.  Supporting does mean recognizing the strength, courage, and integrity your mate has to do the right thing and faithfully standing with them as they do so.

Being a professional significant other is not easy, but nothing worth having ever is.  It requires an investment of time and a sacrifice of self to gain something infinitely greater.  The blood, sweat, and tears that are expended on becoming and being a professional significant other are bountifully replaced with smiles, laughter, and love.  Becoming a professional significant other is much like transitioning from a collegiate athlete to a professional athlete. You have to want it badly, understand what it takes to get it, create a plan for success, commit and work like hell everyday towards achieving your goal.  Honestly, if someone were to ask your mate if you are a “professional” significant other to them…what would their answer be?

BMWK Family, have you gone PRO in your relationship?

LaDawn Elliott is a Relationship Life Coach, Author, Speaker, Relationship Advice Columnist, and creator of Atlanta’s Premier Love, Sex, and Relationship website Lip Service Lounge.  She has affectionately been dubbed the “Relationship Rescuer” because of her personal approach and the honest, practical, real-world advice she offers to couples.  She enlightens couples in crisis by awakening their self-awareness; thereby empowering them to be conscious decision makers that are accountable for their thoughts, words, and actions.  HIS vision is her daily mission to strengthen and save the family unit one relationship at a time. Follow her on twitter: @LipSvcLounge