I stumbled across a Facebook post a couple of weeks ago and found the topic so interesting I had to write about it. The post was in response to all the praise pouring in for rap’s new super couple, Remy Ma and Papoose. It questioned why black folks were acting like we had never seen a happy black couple before. It read as follows:
“My Remy and Papoose assessment:
Truth be told, there is nothing extra special about their relationship…….because those kinds of relationships exist everywhere, every single day.
The reason why we think it’s so special is because we think we are witnessing something that is not common, when in reality it is.”
I see black love every single day in my friend’s and family’s relationship….witnessed the exact same kind of love and even more with my Uncle Richard and his wife and it lasted for 50 years until her passing last year.
The difference is, we truthfully don’t believe that kind of love exists. Sometimes because we ourselves have not experienced it, OR….in my honest opinion, WE DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE IT because it’s not at celebrity status.
Take a look around and give your family and friends their just due…..a man doesn’t have to be a celebrity to get pub for being a great man, a great father, a great surrogate father…..he just has to be…a man.”
I loved this post because it was an honest assessment of the perception of black love and marriage. My response was the following:
“Good point. I agree, I got a great black man myself. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see positive images of black love in the media. Once we see it more often, it won’t seem like an anomaly. And we won’t have to get all hyped about the basic everyday stuff that’s happening in marriages everyday already.”
Now I don’t watch Love and Hip Hop, but I do understand why seeing a couple in love, in rap culture may be a big deal to some.
The reality is that we praise celebrities for professing their love, especially celebrity men, because we don’t see it nearly enough. I also don’t think it’s wrong for us to get excited when we see a happy black couple in love. It should actually make the rest of us happy. I am, however, looking forward to the day when it feels more like our new normal. When it becomes an expectation.
Healthy black marriages aren’t an anomaly. They do exist everywhere and every day. Black love is real. It’s unfortunate that we don’t always get a chance to celebrate it, but we can all contribute to changing that.
We can attend and help promote events that encourage healthy marriages. We can also share images, articles, books and tv shows that highlight the good in our marriages. We can even post anniversary messages on social media to the couples we love who are doing it right.
Again, we can all play a role in spreading the word to those who still don’t know there are healthy black couples among us. Believe me, healthy black marriage is alive and well.
BMWK, what else can we do to help promote positive images of black love and marriage?
Thank you for this beautiful article. I talk to my son all the time about how their are many healthy Black marriages. I’d love to raise him in an area where we actually see more as where we live it’s dominated by Black men with white women. I believe love is love and I tell him this, I would just like him to see more Black men and women loving one another within healthy black marriages. Thank you again. I appreciate you.
We too often look at celebrities for inspiration, when often times they may be the ones who might need inspiration in a relationship. Celebrities are often portrayed as being the “players” more so than the ones with long established working relationships, when they may be the ones who need to see more long term good working relationships.