Do you know a married couple that never fights? Me neither. Two people. One life. Happily ever after – with a few inevitable rough spots and bumps along the journey. Sometimes those bumps in the road become hills and the hills become mountains and then what? Is giving up an option? Do we quickly begin to throw around the “D” word? Hopefully not, because that’s always the easy thing to do. What’s really tough is staying and working it out when the going gets tough. That’s why I’d like to share with you why I’ve given up (a few things) in my marriage.
I’ve decided to give up always having to be right. This was very hard because after all, we’re arguing because we both think we’re right and that the other spouse is wrong. I have recently learned to just bow out gracefully. It hasn’t killed me because you’re reading this. Every disagreement doesn’t have to be a big deal.
I’ve given up on thinking that because he disagrees with me that his love for me is compromised. Time and time again, my warped thinking, especially in the heat of a disagreement, has me thinking that because he won’t budge, he must not love me as much. Yes this a childish frame of mind, but I’m not the only person that thinks this way. I’m so glad that this has been proven not to be the case and that his passion towards whatever he is arguing about is probably worth it, and his passionate nature is one of the reasons I married him in the first place.
I’ve completely given up on the silent treatment. He may disagree because I now call this time my calming period. Not long ago, I would give him the silent treatment after a disagreement and behave much like a petulant child, but all that really looks like is pouting. I’m grown. I’ve said what I had to say and I’m done. Why don’t we just agree to disagree, and move on? Besides, life is too short not to talk to each other, because tomorrow is not promised to anyone. I would hate for my last words to my spouse to be “nothing” and the last time he saw me, I had my lips tuned up… because of virtually nothing.
I’ve also given up on thinking that his way of parenting is wrong simply because its not “my way”. Before we got married and during pre-marital counseling, we discussed our parenting styles. We agreed overall but our innate and subjective differences sometimes clash but again, does that mean that either of us are wrong? No. Just not the same. As long as he’s not using cruel and unusual punishment (or feeding them too much refined sugars), I guess I can get over it.
I’ve thrown up my hands a lot in my marriage, but I refuse to throw my hands up ON my marriage. We have an understanding that there are very few deal breakers in our commitment to one another, and that fact makes our disagreements that much easier to get over. Simply knowing that after the smoke clears, we’ll both be standing there for each other gives me comfort. But ladies, we know we’re right 99% of the time anyway, so just look at it as energy savings. Don’t waste any unnecessary time or energy trying to prove something you already know to be true (wink wink).
BMWK – Are there things that you given up for common good of your marriage? Do you agree that marriage takes a little give in take in order to be successful?
I have been thinking about giving up on my marriage, because my husband takes advice from people and family member that have never been married and some of them can even hold on in keeping a relationship. Recently my husband and I got into an heated agrument that he used a lot of hateful words that show me how he really feel about me. I can move forward in this married knowing this. I have been distance and don’t want to talk with him about personal matters, afraid he will discuss it with other people including his daughters mother.
Sad to say I have given up On my marriage. He has for a long
time and I joined. These things are great and I have applied some. I wish we both could do this and fix it. I will encourage others to do do.
Wanting to save your marriage seems like the hardest thing in life once it’s gotten past a certain point it feels like there’s no return smh. Things have fallen apart in my marriage so quickly that I’m doing nothing more than trusting God and staying in prayer. I’ve thrown my hands up but my heart is still aching.
I gave up on my marriage and moved away from my husband and taking my daughter with me. Needless to say, I was not gone long before I realized I made a mistake. I now want to fix things and he does not. He does not want to divorce, but he does not want me to come home either. I do not encourage any woman/man to give up! If I have learned anything thru this difficult time is to let go and let GOD! I tried to handle it myself and now I might have lost my husband…
In 2007, my husband and I wanted to give up on our marriage. So we went to counseling. He told the counselor, “I don’t have to talk to her if I don’t want to.” I’ll never forget the look the counselor gave him. She looked at him sternly, took off his glasses and said, “Yes you do.” It hit home. He lowered his head as if his mother was scolding him, and so did I. Not only do we have to talk, but we have to listen. What we learned from that moment was to talk and listen with both our ears, mouths, and hearts. Your marriage is fixable, if you want it. And the most high is willing to guide you through your problems, if you allow it to happen. Dont give up on your marriage ifyou truly want to stay married, and your love is still there.
I recently met a Lebanese couple who were married for 50 years and never had a wedding ceremony. Everytime they tried to divorce, wherever they were living (mostly in Palestine and Israel) broke out in civil war, so they had to keep hiding underground. What they found from those experiences was that when they wanted to leave, they stopped listening to eachother with their hearts. What they learned is that when you truly love someone with all your heart, and at times the only things they had was the clothes on their backs and the love in their hearts, that they were never steered in the wrong direction.
Now which direction will you take? Are you going to listen to your second thoughts? Or are you going to listen to your hearts?
What about not making decisions based on emotions? I’m married and my husband and I have been seperated for about 6 months now this happen shortly after our son was born in March. I feel as if I have done everything possible to mend us back together but he doesnt want the marriage anymore. He moved out of our home and shortly after I moved out of state to be around a support system which I didnt have in the state we were living in. I think we are to the point were we are broken and cant be fixed I’m trusting GOD but at this point I have given up and have plans to move on. All through our relationship I have listened to my heart and seem to be in a pattern of back and forth with my husband even before the marriage I guess we just dont work…