My husband and I had a huge fight recently. Huge. It was one of those cyclical arguments where the point got lost after the first ten minutes, and the other fifty minutes were rounds of jabs, stabs, and cuts (with words, of course). Needless to say, it was ugly!
There was no resolution to the argument that night. Sorry, folks. We typically follow the, “never go to bed angry” rule, but it was a no-go this time. Per the usual case whenever that happens, we woke up the same way we went to bed: upset and exhausted. Things were tense as we went about our daily activities”...baby, work, school, dinner, etc. There was little to no communication between us. It was bad.
These extreme moments of strain are rare for us. When they happen, it takes EVERYTHING out of me. I can’t think straight, I’m in a terrible mood, and nothing seems to go right during my day. Life is hard and stressful. My husband often experiences the same thing. The longer the issue lingers, the thicker the tension grows. I hate it!
Within a of couple days we got the chance to talk and resolve things. All of the emotion had passed and we were both able to communicate more effectively. There were apologies, hugs, and words of support. Things were good again.
What I realized through all of this is that although things were off track, they way we were affected by the aftermath of the argument proves how strong the connection is between us. Things were intense and we felt it. When you join in holy matrimony with someone, your heart, mind, and spirits are uniquely tied together. It’s a powerful thing. A bond for life.
I love sharing a closeness with my husband and I recognize that it’s not to be taken lightly. Part of his soul rests in my hands. That’s a huge responsibility, but one I proudly carry. I hope to be reminded of that the next time we disagree (on such a major level). I expect that it will cause me to think twice about how I handle myself and as the Bible instructs, to be slow to anger.
Moral of the story: Marriage includes conflict. It isn’t always about roses and kisses. It’s hard sometimes and it takes work. But just like in baking a cake, after you’ve mixed together a bunch of different ingredients and made them work together, you get a sweet, yummy treat in the end!
If I had to offer any tips on handling conflict, I’d say remember to be respectful, listen to your spouse’s concerns (without your defenses up), and know when to pause or start over when things get too heated! Every couple handles disagreements differently. Get to know your spouse and find better ways to both approach and respond to them, in order to make dealing with disagreements more effective.
Amber Wright, M.A. is a deliriously happy new mother of a special little girl and loving wife to a wonderful man. She invites you to visit her blog, The Yeyo Diaries, where she vows to tell the raw and lovely truth about motherhood.