I received a ton of great buzz on my post, “Why Is It So Hard To Ask For What We Want In A Relationship?” I was just speaking from the heart there, and was trying to figure out why my needs weren’t getting met and what I needed to do about it.
I was exhausted all the time from the never-ending list of “things to do,” and part of the exhaustion was because I was harboring resentment toward my husband for not meeting my needs.
I wanted him to be a true partner in this marriage, not just a helper, or the guy who steps up when asked. I wanted him 100% involved in the day-to-day management of this family, but I didn’t know how to actually make this happen. Would I be able to let go of some things and actually let him take responsibility, or would I still be standing over his shoulder, making sure he did things “the correct way”?
I realize that I have a role in all of this as well. What could I do to make this work? I didn’t want to play the blame game (except if I was pointing the finger at myself); I just wanted solutions. On my blog’s Facebook page I wrote:
I was joking (hence the LOL) but I thought, “Maybe I’m on to something.” My husband keeps his iPhone within arm’s reach at all times. He holds that thing more than he holds me. (Sad but true.) If the in-person, every day reminders don’t work, maybe we need a different form of communication to help.
So I researched some family calendars online and found Cozi. It’s supposed to help you coordinate multiple family calendars, email you reminders, give you space for a to-do list and a shopping list, and also allows you to jot down family memories. (No, this is not a sponsored post.)
I’ve been trying it for about a week now, so not long enough for an official review, but so far I like what I see. I’ve synced my husband’s work calendar with my calendar, and the kids’ school stuff, so we can all see where we need to be when and who’s doing what. I’m not reminding him and nagging him about school pick-up or about the fact that our daughter needs to make sure to wear her sneakers for school on Tuesdays.
It helps. Because now it’s a matter of doing the work upfront (loading info into the calendar) and then letting the rest go. We mark the items that we are responsible for and we don’t worry about what the other person is doing. The email reminders are great because now we don’t have to do it. Win-win.
Of course I will keep you posted on how things evolve, but for now, I love it and I’m excited to have less stress. It’s pretty simple.
How are you making your family life (and your love life) easier? And men, I really want to know – how do you respond to requests? Are emailed requests better? Would you use an online family calendar?
Reginald Williams says
I believe the question should be: How do I get my husband to respond to my request. Men are not monolithic and ain’t cool with being treated as such. And this appears to be proven in your post.
You stated your husband is constantly attached to his phone – so you used the phone (something he responds to) as a medium to get him to respond to your request. Your actions are a signal that you were paying attention and in tune with what moves your husband.
Getting us to respond is the same way we get you to respond – by taking the time to understand and observe what motivates my spouse to act.
On yesterday I posted to my blog and interesting question and read: Are your contributions to your marriage a BIG door or little HINGES – https://wp.me/12ZAh.
Tara Pringle says
Thanks as always for your comments.
Reginald Williams says
BTW, Cozi is used in the Williams’ household and the Mrs. is responsible for the contribution.
Tara Pringle says
How do you like using Cozi? Has it made things easier versus your old system?
Reginald Williams says
It is an excellent tool. No doubt I think that it is an assets. She is the scheduler in the house and before she would say didn’t I tell you whatever and I would reply, no. But now she just drops it on Cozi and I follow through; and by Cozi telling me what she has to do – I can remind her, which she appreciates it. It definitely is a good tool for coordinating and communicating. So my hat is off to you for finding it- because most, not all, brothers wouldn’t be looking for such a tool.
Briana Myricks says
I would love a family calendar once we have little ones running around. Hubby responds to request depending on how I ask, and he usually does things when I text him, so that helps!
Onedestiny777 says
This had to be the most unhelpful article i’ve read on this page ever! So the key to getting your husband to respond is to get organized??? Newsflash – NONE OF THAT HELPS IF LADIES DON’T KNOW HOW TO APPROACH THEIR MEN AND INSTEAD APPROACH WITH ANGER AND RESENTMENT! BMWK does need to touch on this again, but this time use a writer who has something helpful to say on this subject!!!
Tara Pringle says
I was writing about MY experiences and it turns out that my husband responded very well to the idea of using an online calendar to track our family life. Now I’m not nagging, he’s not forgetting anything and I feel like we are much closer to each of us giving 100% than previously. So if you took nothing away from my article…I guess I don’t know what to tell you.
Dimereel says
Onedestiny777 – Talk about approaching with anger and resentment. The comment posted sounds like there is some harbored resentment and anger. The answers are truly found within and not through an online article.
One article can not answer the question as each partner is an individual. The problem I have is I don’t want to feel like I am manipulating my man in order to get what I need from him. I too refuse to nag and refuse to be silent. The article did offer insight into seeking out a method or tool of communication that explicitly states the needs to be met and can be easily received without manipulation or trickery.