For as long as I can remember, disagreements/arguments with my husband have always ended like this:
Husband, thinking it’s really over: “I’m sorry.”
Me, not really over what we were arguing about: “It’s okay.”
Husband, giving me his bedroom eyes: “Come here.”
Not that I’m not from the “kiss and make up” persuasion, because I do feel better after an argument by hugging it out. But to get intimate so soon is a bit jarring for me.
Make-up sex is fine for certain silly arguments but for those where your feelings are hurt or it took a while to reach a compromise, it’s a little harder for me to change my mood from “Get away from me” to “Turn off the lights.”
But what I’ve realized after five years of marriage (sometimes I’m a little slow) is that my husband is not using sex as a band-aid, but he’s genuinely trying to get us back on track. Physical touch (and yup, sex) is part of that. By trying to get me in the bedroom, he’s trying to express love to me in a language that makes sense for him. Whereas I’m a talker and I would rather talk, talk, talk until I feel better about the situation.
I’m now realizing that make-up sex can be a healthy part of a relationship, as long as both parties have a couple of ground rules:
1) Depending on the severity of the argument (there’s definitely a difference between infidelity and not taking out the trash), you have up to 24 hours to cool down. After that, no more grudges in the bedroom. *wink*
2) Have a laugh first. If you’re like me and find it hard to get past arguments before getting intimate, watch a funny movie or few episodes of a TV show to release some of that stress.
3) Get some exercise to help clear your mind and get your blood pumping.
4) Make it count. No holding back, no rules, anything goes in make-up sex. Make it memorable.
What do you all think? Is make-up sex in your conflict resolution toolbelt?
We’ve been married almost 19 yrs and makeup sex has always been important for him and myself. I agree that the severity of the problem at hand or whether disloyalty is a factor on either side determines whether sex is later in the day or later that week! While its certainly not a substitute for working through the problem, I’ve learned that physical touch (sex,intercourse) is the #1 route that married men express love to their wives. I used to think he was just trying to get over when I was a lot younger and not as wise. : ) Afterall, LOVE is an action!
Tara, the best thing about an arguement in the “Makeup Sex”. 🙂 After being in battle for a day or more you both are in need to release the tension….LOL I am like you as far as wanting to talk talk talk….Next time during makeup sex, finish saying what you need to say. It is a win win because you can both release!!!!! LOL Have a good day everyone!!!!