by Charli Penn-Watkins

Marriage is made up of lots of different parts. It’s all about how you spell it out, and what makes it work for you. We spell ours like this:

M is for mystery. We like to keep a little of this in our relationship so that we continue to surprise each other with how sweet true love can be. Sometimes he won’t tell me what he’s cooking until I close my eyes and taste it, or I’ll take him on a surprise date where he doesn’t know where we’re going until we get there.

A is for always. We like to put the word “always” in front of everything we say and mean to each other. It makes it mean forever and reminds us that we’ve made a lifelong commitment to one another. I will always love him and he will always love me. We will always talk about what we’re really feeling and always do our best to work through it together. He will always be my best friend and I will always be his. Get where we’re going here?

R is for real. We watch a lot of movies but we’re fully aware that we live in the real world where problems don’t just magically work themselves out by the final act. We choose to look at a situation realistically when we put it on the table. What’s really going on here? What are we really feeling right now? What can we really do to solve it? What will really happen if we don’t?

R is for respect. If we had no money, no home, no car, no anything, we’d still have respect for one another. He still opens doors, pulls out chairs, and says excuse me instead of cutting me off. I still give him a courtesy call when plans have changed and a answer him honestly when he asks my opinion. All of this things are rooted in the profound amount of respect that we have and have always had for one another.

I is for intentional. We didn’t meet or fall in love on purpose but we’ve intentionally worked hard to stay that way. We believe we have to present in our marriage to make it work. This means we need to intentionally put the effort in that it takes to sustain a healthy balance and support each other and the vows we’ve made. I don’t think you can accidentally have a healthy happy marriage. Your actions and involvement much be intentional and driven by the love you share and the desire for the life you dream of together.

A is for allowance. Everyone needs their “me time” and their space. We allow each other to be ourselves in our marriage and I can already see what a difference that makes in our individual happiness. We allow time for each other in our busy schedules to be sure we’re not just two ships passing in the night. We allow room to grow into different parts of our marriage. It’s not always going to be perfect or the right fit, but we’ll get there if we allow ourselves the space to fill into it.

G is for gratitude. If we didn’t appreciate the things we did for one another what would be the point of it all? When we act out of love all we’re really hoping for in return is gratitude and appreciation for the love we’ve given out. If we get that back we’re all good inside ““ so remember when you have nothing else to give each other but love and gratitude you’re still giving so much.

E is for excitement. The night he proposed to me, my husband made me promise that our marriage would be as exciting and exhilarating as the seven years we’d shared together before that moment. I knew I could easily make that promise to him because we fell in love because we’re best friends who know how to have fun together, enjoy each other, and most importantly enjoy life. I know that we can and will keep that part of our love alive as long as we remain two best friends in love.

Originally posted on Man, Wife & Dog.

Charli Penn-Watkins is the blogger behind Man, Wife & Dog. A newlywed that’s blogging her way through all the ups and downs of marriage, Charli is also the relationships editor on Essence.com. Check her out on Twitter at @ManWifeDog.