We’ve been seeing some creative proposals on YouTube lately, and we had the Twitterverse all abuzz after Jim Jones’ lackluster (hey, I call it like I see it) proposal to Chrissy on Love & Hip Hop.
It got me thinking about what a proposal really means, what it stands for. Is it simply a great story to tell your friends, kids and grandkids? Is it supposed to be a big show, or can an understated proposal say just as much about the love the two of you share?
My parents got engaged after my dad came over my mom’s apartment, flopped on the bed and said, “Hey, let’s get married.” Now almost 30 years later, she still rolls her eyes when she tells the story.
My husband proposed to me after work one March evening, then sat down to watch the Lakers game about 10 seconds after I said, “Yes.” Does that mean anything in the long run? I don’t think so.
In an ideal world, I’m sure most of us would love for our proposal story to be the fairy tale.
“Oh, he rented out the whole restaurant and filled it with flowers.”
“He flew my mom in from out of town!”
“He made me a four-course dinner and paid Maxwell””yes, Maxwell“”to serenade us afterward.”
“He made a full-length feature film about what our life would be like together!” (Just kidding on this one.)
But really, if a man decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with you (or if a woman wants to propose to her man), isn’t that enough? Do we need the 5-carat ring, the elaborate proposal, the big wedding? Isn’t the love…enough?
Share your two cents (and your proposal story!) in the comments.
i was over friends of the family eating dinner with my then girlfriend, and I wanted to surprise her in front of them so we had a piece of strawberry shortcake that was homemade (yessir) and i put the ring in the middle of the whip cream on top which shined bright. and I gave my now wife the desert and she looked at me and first said “I am not hungry anymore” then she looked at it again and her eyes were huge and she was beaming from ear to ear. I got down on one knee in front of everyone and proposed right then. Not a dry eye in the house. Thinking back you forget a lot of things and how much you love someone and let circumstances cloud you. Keep your faith in God first and strong people and he will see you through. Love you all
I don’t need a big production..but I do need it to be thought out and considerate… not just “Damn Gina…will you marry me” (from Martin)
I a very awful proposal one time….I deserved more and it was representative of the relationship and of things to come…which is why I did not marry that person.
Lamar was sweet…he thought it out..I felt special.
I’ve never been big on romance and fairy tales , so my husband popping out the ring and proposing to me in the car was just fine. Now I will say that the way my ring looked mattered very much to me, lol! I wasn’t about to sport no mess on my finger for the rest of my life…..sorry if that sounds shallow, but I really do mean it. As far as the Chrissy and Jim proposal, people are quick to criticize the way he did it, but in all honesty Chrissy probably got a nicer proposal ( and ring!) then most of the people who are talking about it. The fact that he flew her friends and family down makes up for the fact that he didn’t get down on one knee IMO.
Shyreeta Mouzone Harris says
My sentiments exactly about the Jim and Chrissy situation. The proposal fit his persona, because he had to be ‘true to his image’, but then he put that extra touch on it by having the other important people in her life present! That moved her to tears and I’m sure, for her, it made up for any problems she might have had with the gruff and abrasive nature when he handed her the ring. The ring looks gorgeous. And yes, most of the people I know who had negative things to say didn’t get that nice of a proposal/ring OR aren’t married/engaged and never have been asked! I told an associate of mine who was saying she would have told him no ‘You don’t know what you would do until you have the situation in front of you. If you really love him and want to be with him, you’d most likely say yes!’
There is not really a need for huge shindig for a proposal. However, if you are going to propose to someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you should know them well enough to know what type of proposal would be special to them. My proposal was perfect for me because my hubby knew me well enough to know that I liked appropriate displays of public affection. He proposed in an airport.
I admit that I had elaborate ideas about the proposal, the ring and the wedding ever since I was a little girl however when my fiance proposed this past New Year’s Eve with just the two of us, it was perfect! In that moment all of my pre-conceived ideas went out the window and all that remained was pure joy and love 🙂 I will keep this in mind moving forward with the wedding.
We had just finished working out together when my husband popped the question. OMG. We were sweating and in workout gear. What a way to ask!!!
My husband got down on one knee and proposed while I was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I can’t remember what he said, but the look of love in his eyes made it a perfect proposal. I didn’t think about a perfect proposal. I wanted to be his wife and 10 + years later, I still am.
IMO, I think a marriage proposal is done by the way the person really is. In Jim Jones cases, he’s not going to get down on one knee (he’s that macho kind of guy who has to maintain that persona) and Chrissy knows the package that comes with that type of guy. It doesn’t mean he loves her any less than the next man, that’s just who is he is and when you get in a relationship and engagement you’re agreeing to accept him as he is and all flaws and shortcomings that come with him.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
I didn’t expect him to get down on one knee…but it was so gangsta! Like, “Lemme talk to you for a minute….Why you running your mouth?…Here.” Boom. There’s the ring. Like…I’m confused and I know Chrissy was nervous when Jim popped out of nowhere and pulled her aside. LOL
The Mrs. says
I was thoroughly disappointed with my proposal. He proprosed to me in my own car after I picked him up from his first day at a new job. We had been dating over 7 years. There was no ring. We got it when we got the wedding bands. I know that he loves me and I know that he wasn’t going to rent out a restaurant or anything but it felt like such an “okay lets get this over with” type of deal. The proposal does not reflect the nature of our relationship but its not a great story/memory to repeat to kids or grandkids.
happily married says
He could of asked someone else.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
I think it’s okay to be disappointed with your proposal, even if the wedding/marriage is great.
The Mrs. says
I’m not disputing that he could have asked someone else. I guess I’m thinking of the stories that you tell about significant points in your relationship i.e. first date, first kiss, the proposal, the wedding, etc.
Esther McKitty-Griffin says
It depends on the couple frankly … it’s important for a guy to know the kind of woman he is dating, so if she likes the fairy tale etc why not? If she’s not , then he can just do it ordinarily. My hubby proposed to me at my school … planned it with my dean and had the entire law school watching, all while he had transformed a classroom with music, lights, video camera etc … he went down on one knee … I was blown away, never dreamed of it but it is etched in my memory forever … It seemed so surreal, like the moment every little girl dreams of, when her prince asks her to marry him … some things matter to others more and some of us are still hopeless romantics 🙂
I didn’t need the 2 carat but the proposal was important to me and it was special. The wedding was small no more than 10 people in my birth country but it was so important that he made it special for me.Very private, very romantic and very special.
I have a strange relationship with my husband. He never really asked. He brought it up in a letter and I agreed (long distant at the time). I though I would get the whole sha-bang when we reunited… nope. I thought I would get the ring… nope. I was really like WTF. He said dont worry about anything, he’ll take care of everything, I was thinking to myself that it looked real promising so far. The day he flew out we started driving he set the ring between us and asked again. I looked at it and closed the box. Really, was this all I deserved? And went to sleep. When I woke up we were at Disney World… speechless. Even though it was only the two of us (family and friends wise), he made my dreams come true at the one place I always wanted to get married. The proposal no longer mattered. I got to be a princess for a day.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
That’s a great story! 🙂
My proposal wasn’t one for the fairytale books either. I happened to be going on a cruise while my husband was going to family reunion (these trips were planned before we even knew we were marriage minded with each other). the night before I was to leave he called me after 10pm and said,”I guess if I’m coming over I need to come now.” He showed up at my door about 20 mins later. I met him at the door with my head tied up, an oversized shirt and pajama pants. We sat on the bed and he tossed a box to me. I tossed it back. He tossed it again and I looked in the box. There it was–the most non-traditional engagement ring I had ever seen–a little disappointed but I commented on how pretty it was and I tossed the box back to him. He finally got the hint and took the ring out of the box and asked me to marry him. I ran to the bathroom and took a picture to mms my sister. He went to the kitchen and cooked a meal of egg and rice with a side of sausage. Something I had to quickly learn how to cook 🙂
Love the cooking part. lol
I was def one of those girls who wanted him to display his love for all to see and a big rock that would make everyone jealous. However on Christmas we put our son to bed went to sleep and i woke up with the most beautiful ring on my finger. With my heart pounding i asked him if this was what i thought it was and he said yes. He looked me in the eyes and said i don’t need to ask you because for as long as we’ve been together (10 years)you knew we were headed here. My ring isn’t a ridiculous rock it’s amazing. It’s my favorite color and a realistic size. At the end of the day it’s about us and the love we share for each other. It’s always been the two of us against the world and for our special moment he kept it that way. I would not want it any other way . CONGRATS to my fellow new engaged people. Stay blessed……Muah
Shyreeta Mouzone Harris says
My husband and I kind of came to a mutual agreement about getting married. There was no big proposal. We already knew what we wanted to do and knew that we were a team that was meant to be together and build a family. We got married at a small wedding salon. I do still want to have the big ceremony, so we’re planning to renew our vows that way in the next year or so. I know of many people who had the grandiose proposal, the huge rock, and the fabulous wedding but their marriage was one big argument or one big disappointment. Some of the couples are still miserably together and some of them have since separated or divorced.
Now, in no way am I trying to imply that every grandiose proposal ends in misery/divorce and that every understated one is a recipe for lifelong happiness. I just know that the most important part of the whole process is the actual MARRIAGE. The proposal is anywhere from a few seconds to maybe a few minutes; the wedding is one day. The marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime and no one can get so caught up in ‘fairy tales’ that no attention is paid to trying to foster longevity and oneness. I’m a huge fan of marriage and I hate to see them end and I love to see a good one work. I’m grateful that I’m able to watch work well from the inside 🙂
To each his own. The guy should know what they girl will like, a public proposal or private one. My husband proposed in his car. He had to drop me off at my brothers for the night. I was sleeping there everynight because he worked nights, his wife had post-partum depression and they had a new born. My job was to feed the baby, change her diaper and burp her. Anyway after he parked the car, we started talking about stuff. He took out the ring and proposed. I knew he was going to ask me I just didn’t know where and when because we had gone shopping for the rings together. He knew I didn’t want any public announcement, He did it perfectly!
My husband proposed by announcing to everyone within earshot of us on the observation deck of the Empire State building, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life me. I appreciated that he was making a romantic gesture and I smiled and acted excited, but inside I was mortified. I’m a very private person, and not very big on grandiose gestures, so I would have been perfectly fine if he proposed to me while eating a pizza and watching TV. We’ve been married for over ten years, so the proposal worked out :-), but I do think about that day sometimes and wish it had been different.
I got the surprise and proposal of my life when My Sugar proposed in Paris at midnight on my birthday! Yes, that was truly romantic, I loved that he gave so much thought to when, how and where. He chose the ring – and it fits perfectly – it may not have been my choice but the fact that he chose it for me means I wear it with pride.
YES. The proposal shows a) how much he knows you and your personality and b) that he can plan something in advance. That doesn’t mean it has to be elaborate necessarily– but if you’re a girl who like elaborate and he doesn’t pick up on that, then there is a communication problem somewhere (or he just doesn’t care what you ‘like’).
The proposal is very important! I wasn’t proposed to at all and I’m still a bit sad about it. We had a 3 yr old son, a home together and I had been patiently waiting, but nothing. Yes, things happened backwards, but that’s life. I even thought it would happen on certain occasions, because of his actions, but never a proposal. I even asked him, but he said the man should ask the woman. I eventually gave up and just told him the date we would marry and we did. 14 yrs later we still joke that I forced him!