Someone I know, a man, recently told me me he believes something in women’s DNA requires them to always have a man tasked. He went on to say if we aren’t doing anything then either something is wrong or we must have forgotten to do something we were told to do. I should point out this man is divorced, but plenty of married men feel the same way. In spite of this, I accidentally discovered how to not only to do away with the Honey-Do list, but also how to keep it from coming back.
I got organized and I started thinking like my wife.
Think about it. With work and groceries and kids and church and dreams and marriage aren’t we all perpetually tasked. The married parent’s to-do list is never ending. There just aren’t enough hours of the day and there is always more that could and should be done.
About two weeks ago I finished a project I was working on and then I cleaned my desk. Shredded papers, cleaned out drawers, the works. This weird calm came over me once I shredded the last non-essential document and emptied the trash can that sits by my feet. It was the feeling of completion, something I’m not sure I’ve felt in years. I took a deep breath and took a few minutes to bask in actually being done with something and when suddenly I did something completely out of character: I began to think like my wife.
Don’t Wait, Get Proactive
In my current occupation I have the blessing and curse of being able to work from home. This comes with the unspoken burdenhonorable obligation to manage the household affairs while everyone is gone for the day. I began scanning my surroundings for anything and everything that could or should be done. Even the stuff that someone else had already promised to do. Laundry, yard work, kitchen duties and household paperwork and bills. On this day, I didn’t wait to be asked I just started doing what needed to be done. I didn’t think to myself it will get done eventually, or it will be fine. If I saw it I did it.
From there I began waking up earlier in the morning to afford myself more time to tend to do the things I need to do for myself as well as what I have to do for my family. Now the dog is walked long before the question is asked. The lunches are made, the trash is taken out — less and less is slipping through the cracks. I’m at peace, and what’s more, so is my wife.
Now for the men reading this you might be thinking, “How is this getting rid of the Honey-Do list?” The reality is that the list will always be there as long as you are living and especially if you are living with someone else, but now it’s no longer your wife’s. Of course, she may add a few things here and there. Such is life. But she will begin to rest in the comfort of knowing that you’ve got it covered. This isn’t going to happen overnight. Her first reaction might be suspicion. Try your best not to get offended. If she says thank you, casually say, “For what?” and under no circumstances should you point out all that you do demanding a reward in return if you expect to get a reward. You are simply doing what you are supposed to be doing, being the man of the house and the man around the house. Hopefully this will happen sooner, rather than later. This doesn’t mean do everything, but I am simply advising you to do your part. Ultimately, the two of you are there to support and care for one another. Wouldn’t it be nice to know your woman knows she’s taken care of and made happy by you? That is reward enough by itself.
Resolve today to get that last Honey-Do list done and commit to owning it. Then sit back and discover how much easier and happier life becomes around the house.
BMWK – please share with how you have gotten “rid of the the honey-do” list? Sharing the household responsibilities is definitely an area of concern for many couples. Please let us know how you and your spouse have come to a working a agreement in this are.