I still vividly remember the day my now husband proposed. There were quite a few tears, a feeling of joy (of course), but most importantly there was confidence in my decision to say yes. I knew, when I met my husband (when I was just a teenager) that he was the kind of guy a woman holds on to. Unfortunately, it took me a few years, and a couple of bad relationships to truly appreciate he was the one for me. So by the time he got on one knee and asked for my hand, it was clear what to do.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was not only ready to be married, but I was ready to be married to this man. It felt right. Every part of me said YES! This relationship, unlike others, brought me joy, allowed me to share love and feel secure.
Not everyone is that lucky. There are some people, who although everything feels completely wrong, they jump headfirst into a marriage, in which the initial relationship wasn’t even stable. They ignore every possible sign that shows them this might not work. Certain signs, like no evidence of mutual respect, no true connection, along with the need and goal of changing the other person, are all red flags. Red flags, mind you, which are sometimes ignored. Then fast forward a few years down the line and that same couple is divorcing for the very same reasons that were evident before they said “I do”.
I had recently heard quite a few horror stories of marriages that were doomed before they began. One friend shared with me how she witnessed a bride practically being pulled down the aisle by her parents only for that marriage to end 6 months later. The bottom line is if it doesn’t feel right don’t do it. We are talking about the rest of our lives. Even if it might feel right to everyone else around us, we have to be honest with ourselves and make the proper choice that is absolutely best for us. It is so much better to make that determination early on then to have to deal with the heartbreak and process of divorce.
Before marriage, I recommend taking a self-assessment on the benefits we bring to a marriage as well as the negatives that may take some adjusting to on the part of our soon-to-be-spouse. We must also be honest about the person we intend to marry. Acknowledge their faults, and determine whether or not they are tolerable for the long run. Taking this type of initiative now saves us a ton of misfortune in the future. It is our lives, and we have to be able to live with and love the choices we make.
BMWK, were there ever any doubts before you married and how did you overcome them? Have you ever had to cancel an engagement?