I still vividly remember the day my now husband proposed. There were quite a few tears, a feeling of joy (of course), but most importantly there was confidence in my decision to say yes. I knew, when I met my husband (when I was just a teenager) that he was the kind of guy a woman holds on to. Unfortunately, it took me a few years, and a couple of bad relationships to truly appreciate he was the one for me. So by the time he got on one knee and asked for my hand, it was clear what to do.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was not only ready to be married, but I was ready to be married to this man. It felt right. Every part of me said YES! This relationship, unlike others, brought me joy, allowed me to share love and feel secure.
Not everyone is that lucky. There are some people, who although everything feels completely wrong, they jump headfirst into a marriage, in which the initial relationship wasn’t even stable. They ignore every possible sign that shows them this might not work. Certain signs, like no evidence of mutual respect, no true connection, along with the need and goal of changing the other person, are all red flags. Red flags, mind you, which are sometimes ignored. Then fast forward a few years down the line and that same couple is divorcing for the very same reasons that were evident before they said “I do”.
I had recently heard quite a few horror stories of marriages that were doomed before they began. One friend shared with me how she witnessed a bride practically being pulled down the aisle by her parents only for that marriage to end 6 months later. The bottom line is if it doesn’t feel right don’t do it. We are talking about the rest of our lives. Even if it might feel right to everyone else around us, we have to be honest with ourselves and make the proper choice that is absolutely best for us. It is so much better to make that determination early on then to have to deal with the heartbreak and process of divorce.
Before marriage, I recommend taking a self-assessment on the benefits we bring to a marriage as well as the negatives that may take some adjusting to on the part of our soon-to-be-spouse. We must also be honest about the person we intend to marry. Acknowledge their faults, and determine whether or not they are tolerable for the long run. Taking this type of initiative now saves us a ton of misfortune in the future. It is our lives, and we have to be able to live with and love the choices we make.
BMWK, were there ever any doubts before you married and how did you overcome them? Have you ever had to cancel an engagement?
Point on.
Thanks!
I never thought about getting married, nor did I think I would get married, and I wasn’t concerned if I never did. But when I “knew”, there were no doubts and no turning back. Been engaged once, been married once…both to the same woman. I am thankful for that, because I am not sure if I was “marriage material” at that time, but I guess she saw something in me. 🙂
Jackie,
You hit the nail on the head “when you knew and there were no doubts and no turning back”. That means you are willing to accept the good, the bad and everything in between. That’s key!
Amen and right on.
I prayed about it before he asked and I asked God to show me who this man really was. I received confirmation many times over and on our wedding day I smiled all day and didnt shed a tear because I knew it was right. Today I am even more in love with him than I was 4 years ago on that day. That sounds corny but it’s so true 🙂
No doubts whatsoever….a long friendship blossomed into a marriage…we had no secrets and told no lies and we were both happy to make one another happy. And the relationship has a Godly purpose that is best fulfilled together. The sum of the whole is greater than the value of the parts separately. It’s been a beautiful experience.
Amen !
Mrs. Sumter, you truly “Nailed it.” Thanks for enlightening us all on so many truths that needed to be uncovered. I pray that each and every person whom I shared this message with will be blessed TREMENDOUSLY. Also, thanks for your honesty and transparency. It felt good to read a well written and anointed word for all to learn from who remain open to the thought of marriage. AWESOME! May you be continually blessed beyond your own understanding.
Thank you Destiny, I appreciate your thoughtful words.
I have been engaged before and praise God I somehow had the wisdom and courage to cancel it. It was by His grace and strength; certainly not my own. I am now engaged and about to marry in a couple of months, and the two relationships are like night and day. I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to learn what a healthy relationship should look and feel like versus the unhealthy relationship.
In a previous relationship I “knew” he was right for me in my heart and soul, there was no looking back. He said the same. But then he cheated, got her pregnant. He really made no effort to restore trust. Clearly it wasn’t enough to “know” in my heart. I was devastated and prayed fervently for God to lead me, and if it be His wish to provide a good husband for me. I got over the heartbreak and waited and someone came along who was prayerful, respectful and loving. Since being married he is none of those things. There is no love at all in our marriage, despite prayer, counseling, coaching. The article is nice but it isn’t always that easy.
Good response. Knowing in one’s heart is vastly different than knowing in one’s head.